


Of loving you and hating me

by Agentrogers17



Series: Remmy, Siri and their Dove [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Babies, Body Image, Childbirth, Crushes, Don't Judge Me, Double Penetration, F/M, Family, Family Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hogwarts, Hurt/Comfort, I just want to fix everything and protect my boys, Idiots in Love, Jealousy, New Spells, Plus-Size Reader, Post-Sirius Black in Azkaban, Pregnancy, Protective Remus Lupin, Reader-Insert, References to Depression, Remus Lupin Likes Chocolate, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Worth Issues, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin Friendship, Sirius Black Being an Idiot, Sirius Black as Padfoot, Slytherin Reader, Smut, Threesome - F/M/M, Top Remus Lupin, Twins, a bit of an AU, we will see how it goes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:00:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 90,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25364248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agentrogers17/pseuds/Agentrogers17
Summary: Follow the reader and Remus Lupin as they face their old friend Sirius, themselves and their emotions after 12 years. It is hard to be in love with someone when you hate every bit of yourself, but it is harder when the person you love is exactly the same. Can an Azkaban escapee help his old friends to finally realise how good and in love they are for and with each other, or will he fail one more time as he did all those years ago?And by the way, the dark lord is rising and there is a possibility that they won't survive another day, so the time they have is limited.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy & Reader, Harry Potter & Reader, Hermione Granger & Reader, Remus Lupin & Reader, Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks, Remus Lupin/Original Female Character(s), Remus Lupin/Reader, Ron Weasley & Reader, Severus Snape & Reader, Sirius Black & Reader, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black/Reader, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Remmy, Siri and their Dove [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1872535
Comments: 123
Kudos: 191





	1. I won't lose you

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written in years and I watched the whole Harry Potter with my brother which led me to realise how much of a daddy Remus is. And to quench my thirst I will be writing this and many more fanfics on our daddy Lupin. But I need all of you to understand I haven't read the books and haven't written in more than 5 years so please be kind to me.

"I wasn't sure you would come." said the blond man. He was older more worn out since the last time I saw him, but considering it has been over ten years since I saw him, I think it was just normal. I looked into his eyes as he lowered his gaze to mine. He was taller than the boy I remember. Well, he was not a boy anymore, was he?

  
"Have I ever ignored when you asked me to come?" I haven't. Never. Even when I knew it would only hurt me, and live me with a broken heart, I would always run to him. He didn't even need to call, just one look from him and I would be running to him. I wrapped my arms around my belly, as I couldn't stop the memories of all those times when I would be running to him and when I left after with tears I tried to keep at bay and my heart more broken every time. He watched me for a few seconds, maybe only now realising how much he hurt me over the years, even though he never was the one to hurt someone intentionally.

  
"I need your help," he whispered. "I know it has been a long time and I know I am an idiot for not writing all these years but... After what happened... After James and Lily... After thinking Sirius did it... I lost everything (Y/N)." he tried to explain. He had lost many things that night, that bloody night where all of our lives turned upside down. But he was wrong. He didn't lose everything. He lost James, Peter, Sirius, Lily, Harry. But he never lost me. He just let me go; he didn't need me anymore. But I couldn't tell him that. He probably already thought I still was the clingy fat girl who used to run after him all the time. He didn't need to know how much I missed him, how much it hurt when he disappeared and how he didn't answer the letters I wrote to him over and over again.

  
"What can I do for you, Remus?" I asked. He should be pretty desperate if he was asking me for help after all this time of avoiding me. And I still would rather die than see him helpless or in need.

  
"I am sure you heard the news. It has been all over; he has been all over," he muttered. His eyes were following every tiny movement I made. I knew he was talking about Sirius and him escaping from Azkaban, but I had no idea what it had to do with me. Sure, Sirius and I were close when we were young. I was close with the whole group, the Marauders and Lily. But they always let me hang out with them out of pity and that I was useful most of the time. I always was the fat girl everyone was somehow friends with for grades, notes, favours or another thing to benefit. I had a lot of friends who would call when they needed me, but never a close friend or a friend who I could call when I needed someone.

  
Sirius and I used to be friends, just regular friends. I was his classmate, and as I often tended to hang around Remus like a lovesick puppy, I also was always around Sirius. And he could see my feeling towards Remus since day one. And probably was sorry for me, I can imagine what I pathetic sight I was—watching the boy for seven years at Hogwarts and a couple of years after as he lived his life, dated sometimes or had crushes on other girls with my heart bleeding. Sirius was always a good shoulder to cry on. We never talked about the Remus situation, but I know he knew and he knew I hurt. That was the whole relationship I had with him, and I was his emotional charity. God only knows why he bothered, but he always asked me how I felt and distracted me when Remus was snogging other girls. Other skinny and pretty girls. So I had no idea why Remus was bringing him into the conversation. Of course, he just did the impossible, escaped from Azkaban, but he sure had better things to do than coming after the girl he pity-befriended more than a decade ago.

  
"Of course I heard about Sirius. But I don't understand Remus. What does it have to do anything with me?"

  
"I heard things (Y/N). Well, rather Dumbledore heard things. We think that he will try to find you at some point. He is after Harry we are almost sure about it, but he can't just chase him constantly. He, at some point, will need a place to stay, a person to rely on. And considering you and I are the only people he was close to, and he would feel safer with you, we think he will be coming after you too."

  
"Remus," I sighed, "I am not sure if you realise but, Sirius and I were nothing close to best friends. I was just the girl who was around, and he was being a decent human being by making small talks with me. I am not really sure he would be coming to me or after me in this situation where he is running for his life and freedom."

  
Remus took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes. He always did that when he was trying to soften his harsh comments. I had seen this many times when he was to answer a professor who was being ridiculous with their outdated opinions or any person who would make some discriminatory comment at his presence.

  
"A dangerous murderer might be after you (Y/N). A dangerous murderer who caused deaths of our close friends and who killed tens of Muggles. You might not be remembering clearly, but Sirius cared for you, god I thought you two would be married after Hogwarts with the way he would always shield you and be gentle towards you." I looked at him sharply to understand why he was saying this kind of things.

  
"You can't be serious Remus. Me and Sirius? A couple? Salazar, I was twice of any girl he would even look at." He sighed tiredly. I wasn't sure if he was annoyed or exhausted.

  
"You always did this even when we were 11. You always thought of yourself as something not-worthy of anything. But it is not the time or place to talk about your self-esteem. Sirius will come after you. You were and still probably are his comfort. I can only imagine how hard everything is for him on the run, which will make him even more hungry for comfort and support. And he will come and find you. I know it didn't look that way for the last 12 years, but I hope to be still able to call you a friend (Y/N). I don't have many people left who I have the privilege to call that. So I would rather not lose you too like I did my other friends. I can't let Sirius put your life in danger also."

  
"Do you really think he did it?" I interrupted him. "Do you think he was a murderer? Would he sell James and Lily like this? He loved James Remus. He loved Harry and Lily. Do you believe him to be a murderer?"

  
"Well all of them and dozen of Muggles are dead, aren't they? I think that is enough proof of what he is capable of."

  
"He was never given a chance to defend himself, Remus."

  
"Does it really matter? He is dangerous, and you are one of his primary goals. I think we have more urgent topics to discuss than Sirius' trial or lack of it."

  
"I don't think of him to be dangerous. And I really don't think he even remembers me."

  
"He does, and he is coming for you."

  
"What do you want me to do?" I asked him. It made no sense. He couldn't act as he cared about me after 12 years of not even a single letter. He had no right to act like he knows me or my life.

  
"I will be teaching DADA at Hogwarts this year. And seeing the circumstances, Dumbledore thought maybe you could be my co-teacher? Both to make sure you are safe and to cover my absence during the full moon."

  
"I have a life here, Remus. I can't just follow you to Hogwarts after not even seeing you for 12 years, just because you think Sirius would even care about my existence."

  
"Merlin (Y/N)... Just, once in your life, listen to what I say and do what is in your benefit. I know you have a life, I know your writing career and how amazing of a writer you are. I read every single word you have written all these years, but, it isn't really a job that forces you to live in a particular place. You can do that from Hogwarts. I need you there with me; you have to understand, I need you alive. I have to keep you alive." He read my books. He read my writings he knew about me. But he still couldn't even be bothered to visit me or write to me.

  
"You didn't care if I was alive for 12 years Remus. I really don't need you choosing me for your knight in a shining armour act. Sirius won't even remember me, and I won't be in any kind of danger. You ignored me for 12 years you can ignore me for 12 more. Go protect Harry, someone that really will be needing you."  
"I did care. I had to keep my distance (Y/N). I had to protect you from myself."

  
"You had to protect me from the werewolf who came only once every full moon by erasing yourself from my life for a full 12 years Remus?" I scoffed. "Excuse me for not finding it believable. I know we never really were friends, I was just the girl who was there, and you had to act friendly towards, as that is how you are but at least have the decency to admit that you didn't give two shits about me after our friend group was destroyed. You didn't have to act for other's sake or your image as no one was left to judge."

  
"Is that what you think you were to me?" he frowned. "Is that what you think you are to me? A girl who I forced myself to act friendly towards just to have an image? A girl who was around, so I said hi? Do you have any idea how hard it was to me to lose all of you?"

  
"You never lost me Lupin." I interrupted. "You abandoned me."

  
He didn't answer for a while, watching me with his eyes full of melancholy and something I couldn't quite define. "Abandoning you, when I knew you would be the only person that could make me feel whole again, was the hardest decision of my life. I don't expect you to understand, or to forgive me but I beg you accept the position Dumbledore is offering. Stay at Hogwarts with us until Sirius is caught. Please don't make me attend to the funeral of the last friend I have." he begged. I could see his hazelish green eyes cloud with tears, and I know that I wasn't going to say no. I could walk through fire with bare feet if he asked me to. But it didn't change the fact that every second would hurt. Every time I would look at him, I would love him more and lose myself more. Remus Lupin was a game I could never win. So I took a deep breath and looked at my feet, whispering, "Okay."


	2. Being Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Returning to Hogwarts with the man you have been in love since you have known yourself, also seeing an old friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need some Lupin in my life.

I looked at the train, the one I regularly used for seven years of my life. All the memories and times when I waited with boys and Lily for the train to come, find a compartment and hours to Hogwarts came rushing to me. Remus was standing next to me as we waited for the train to stop and open its doors. Remus was holding both of our suitcases, not listening to my protests and swatting my hand whenever I tried to get my bag from him. I hated how his behaviour made me warm and giddy in the inside. Like his whole tallness, broad shoulders and kind demeanour didn't already affect me. I already wanted to climb the man like a tree. Now glancing at his large hand holding carrying my suitcase like it weighed nothing was an unreasonably attractive sight.

We managed to get into the train and find a compartment before the students and knowing the train probably would be full; I decided to sit next to him rather than in front of him. I already was nervous, and I couldn't handle to sit with a random student who would be judging my body next to theirs. Remus didn't look like he cared about my tries of making myself smaller next to him. He had shrugged off his jacket, and he was making himself comfortable. I know he was tired. Exhaustion was written all over his beautiful and scarred face.

"You should sleep," I said quietly "Full moon was just days ago, and I know this whole trip is killing you." He looked at me with a soft glance and rested his shoulder against the window.

"Is this a kind way of saying you'd rather be by yourself than having to deal with me the whole ride?" he joked. "Or is this your escape plan? The minute I fall asleep, you'll bolt out the door and this train?"

"You know I wouldn't do that," I mumbled.

"I know," he gave me a small smile "You are one of the kindest people I had a chance to get to know. You would never leave anyone defenceless in their sleep, afraid to them get hurt. Even in the Hogwarts train." I hated how well he knew me. I hated and blushed at his comments.

"No need to be shy love," he whispered. His eyes were softer than I have seen in a while.

"Go to sleep." I said, "We have to sit through the ceremony and dinner at Hogwarts."

"Are you excited?" he asked his eyes half-closed now, his jacket covering his body.

"About being back to Hogwarts?"

"Yes and about meeting the students? You always loved the Hat Ceremony."

"How would you know that Remus? We never sat at the same table. I was a Slytherin remember?"

"I had a clear view of you from our table love. I know how your whole face shines when you are excited. You always glowed watching the baby Slytherins." he said softly; I know he was almost asleep. His words were more slurred.

"Why would you watch me, Remus? We both know I am not a sight anyone wants to look at longer than needed?" I said, watching my hands now how my ticker than regular fingers was holding onto each other.

"You were always breathtaking." he murmured. I could see his eyes being closed shut from my peripheral. "You are more beautiful than I could imagine than I thought it was possible for anyone to be." were his last words as he fell asleep right next to me.

I covered his jacket more closely to his shoulder, not wanting him to get cold. I took off my scarf as I reached for my book and folded it, placing it under Remus' head trying to make the poor men more comfortable.

Some pages into my book I heard a girl's voice as she opened our compartment's door. I lifted my gaze to see a bushy-haired girl, ginger boy and a boy who was the spitting image of James Potter. The girl gave me a small smile asking "Everywhere is full, could we sit here?"

I nodded my head, welcoming them into the compartment. I instinctively moved closer to Remus' sleeping body as the three of them sat in front of us. The boy who had James' face looked at me curiously asking "Who are you?"

"I am (Y/N) (Y/L/N), and this is Remus, Remus Lupin. Both of us will be teaching DADA this year. Well, Remus will be mostly; I am his assistant."

"You are (Y/L/N)?" the girl repeated, "the writer. I have read all your books. And you seem to be very qualified at defence against dark arts. Or so I have read. Why are you just assisting the lecture?"

I gave her a small smileİ it was rare for me to meet anyone who knew of my work, as I rarely got out into the wizarding world, preferring living like a muggle among them. "I lack the patience of a teacher I am afraid. And the talent to shape young minds."

"And he is good at those?" asked the red-haired boy.

"He is. He is fantastic, actually. He had a lot of chance to practice when we were at Hogwarts. Most of our friends learned from him and not only DADA." I said softly watching the sleeping man next to me. "And who might you children be?" I asked, looking at them.

"I am Hermione, Hermione Granger. And these are Harry Potter and Ron Weasley." the girl said proudly.

"Well, it is nice to meet you all," I said, returning to my book. In his sleep, one of Remus' hand shifted towards me and grasped my wrist softly. I looked at him and saw that he still was asleep. I could feel the children's eyes on our joined hands. I couldn't help but blush at his warm touch and large hands. As I tried to focus on my book once more, I could hear them talking about Sirius and calling him a killer and mad man. It broke my heart thinking of him as anything like that. I knew Sirius was reckless and sometimes not stable, but he was a good man. An abused, heartbroken man but a good man. The weather was getting worse, and it was dark, rainy and cold. I huddled closer to Remus as an unsettling feeling rising in my chest. His warmth was radiating through my arm, although we were barely touching except his hand on my wrist. And suddenly train stopped with a screech. The compartment was getting colder, and children were looking at me worriedly. I reached for my wand while grabbing the hand Remus had on my arm. I was good at DADA, but still, the whole situation was creepy and taking comfort from Remus was never a chance I would deny.

The train shook violently as Harry looked at the corridor, and the boy sat back with a little force. And the lights went out for a moment. I moved slightly to the front of the seat, twisting my body to shield Remus and the kids from whatever could come from the corridor.

"There is something out there" Ron whispered, voice full of horror, and a dark figure moved at the window. The temperature was dropping, and Remus' grip on me was getting tighter. I wasn't sure if he was awake, or if his wolf was reacting to the situation feeling the wrongness of it. I could hear the ice building on the window and the smoke of our breaths. I know what was outside, and I hated the realization of it. Suddenly a dark shadowy figure opened our compartment door. I moved further to shield the children from it as it looked at all of us one by one. My hands were shaking, and as it reached for Harry, I stood up to shield the boy from the dementor, which resulted in it sucking my memories and soul from my body. I tried to shield myself with a spell, but my fingers were cold as ice and hands shaking violently. I felt my throat collapsing and losing my breath. My consciousness was slipping as I felt myself growing colder and started losing my vision. As I felt my wand slipping from my fingers and my legs no longer holding me, a strong arm wrapped itself around my thick waist, and a big warm hand rested against my belly. The warmth against my back felt welcoming, and I let myself fall into the person not even thinking about my weight and the possibility of crushing them. But something about the smell of the person made me feel safe and made me trust them to catch my heavy body. The last thing I saw was a bright light, and I lost my consciousness hearing Remus' shout of "Expecto Patronum".

I felt a warmth against my body and around my torso. My head was resting against someone's chest as I could hear their heartbeat, which was slightly quicker than average. I smelt a clean, masculine smell of sandalwood mixed with chocolate and ink. I didn't need to open my eyes to know who it was. Remus was holding me somewhat close to his body, and his hand was sprawled against my belly. Which would be a big issue if it was anyone else, but Remus was used to my chubby belly and fat rolls. It certainly wasn't the first time he had to touch me somewhat intimately considering we grew up together, and at some point everyone wrestled with each other, mostly trying to get back our things that other would hold away from our grasp. I decided to enjoy his warmth for a few more minutes, and I heard Harry saying quietly "The dementor was aiming for me. Professor (Y/N) shielded me as he attacked. I am sorry, Professor Lupin."

"There is nothing to be sorry for. All three of you are kids, and any professor would do the same thing. And don't worry (Y/N) is a lot tougher than she looks like. She will be okay, and I will make sure of it." the last part was whispered to himself rather than the kids as I felt his breath ghost over my hair."

"What were dementors doing inside the train?" Hermione asked while Ron said, "Is she your wife?" Merlin, I was praying to not blush at the idea of being his wife. At the idea of having him in my life, in my bed and my heart.

"Sadly, no," Remus whispered. "She is very dear to me, and we have known each other since we started Hogwarts. I assume you have talked about our roles this year."

"She mentioned assisting you at DADA," Hermione said.

"Assisting... Of course, she would put it that way. We will be co-teaching. As you might know, she is a fantastic writer and researcher, especially on topics of dark arts and defences. She will handle the more in-depth teaching of them while I will be showing their applications."

"So you'll be doing everything together?" Harry asked, Merlin that question was a tricky one. He probably didn't even realize how many different meanings that question could have, and I didn't have any more courage to listen where those questions could get. So I coughed softly, suddenly realizing how dry my throat was.

Noticing my awakeness, Remus reached to my bag with his free arm and took my bottle of water, pressing it softly to my lips. I thanked him after drinking some. My throat was better, not cotton dry at least, and my eyes adapted to the light of the cabin. I noticed three kids watching me intently, and I gave them a soft smile.

"Not the best first impression of a DADA professor, huh?" I asked them jokingly. To which I received an eye roll from the young brunette.

"I don't think even the best wizard could use a spell after jumping in front of an active dementor attack Professor," she said.

I felt Remus' chin touching the top of my head as he nodded and helped me to sit up. His strength at handling my body still amazed me and slightly aroused. "Ms Granger is right, love, you jumped into a dementor's spell and interrupted it with your own soul. Which would flabbergast even Merlin himself." he reached to his pocket and broke a piece of chocolate, which he pressed to my mouth. "Eat it, I know it is too sweet for your liking, but it will pump some sugar in your system." I accepted the piece and his fingertips slightly graced my lips.

I sat up straighter but still did not fully detach myself from his warm body. He didn't seem to mind as he still kept his arm somewhat around me, his grip lot looser than before. 

Throughout the rest of our journey, we chatted with the kids, while Remus had his eyes on me and checked on me periodically. I noticed him rubbing small circles on my soft hip every once a while. And I caught one of the kids' eyes on his hands or our touching shoulders multiple times.

***

Returning to Hogwarts after almost two decades and seeing the gorgeous castle was an experience. Remus still did not let me touch any of my belongings carrying everything himself, even though our suitcases were taken, now he wouldn't let me carry my own handbag.

"You are ridiculous," I whispered as we rode to the castle.

"Darling, you had to face a dementor, and quite closely, let me take care of you for a while," he said, rubbing my knee. I blushed at close contact and his sweetness. How dare he make me feel like I was made of jelly after not even acknowledging my existence for over ten years.

"Stop, the kids will think things," I muttered as I saw two Hufflepuffs giggling at us while looking at Remus' hand on me.

"Kids always think things, that is what kids do mostly," he answered, not bothering with them.

***

As we entered the Great Hall, I noticed a mop of black hair and long black robes. I instantly knew who it was and set my course towards him as Remus softly sighed but still followed me. While the Marauders hated him, I still was friends with him as he was my classmate and housemate. I got into endless fights with Sirius over him, but I knew that he also was a broken soul and his bitterness was not out of evil but hurt.

"Severus," I called him softly, and his eyes met mine. I saw a small twitch on his lips, and I knew he was happy to see me, and that was the closest thing I could get to a smile.

"(Y/N)," he greeted me softly then his eyes found the man behind me who rested a hand on my lower back. Severus' eyes grew tad bit colder meeting with Remus'. "And Lupin" he greeted coldly. "I did not really believe you would be here," he said to me, "I didn't think Lupin would be able to convince you to return after forgetting about you for all these years." he scoffed towards Remus.

"I did not forget her," Remus said his body moving closer to mine, "Not even for a moment." I couldn't see his face, but I could hear the sadness and determination in his voice. Severus knew a lot of things about the last 12 years of my life as he and I still were friends and owled each other regularly. I held onto Severus' forearm, as it would be the closest thing to a hug I would be getting from him, at least in front of all these students.

"It seems like I will be here for a while," I said, smiling at the potions master.

"Let's hope this time no one will hurt you," he wished, glaring at Remus.

"Let's sit," Remus offered, "you are already tired from the road." he said to me leading me to the table then he turned to Severus "A dementor attacked her," he explained. I could see Severus' frown.

"Why would they attack you?"

"Well they did not really attack me, they attacked Harry, I just interrupted."

"Why was a dementor in the compartment at the first place, is my question," Remus said anger lingering in his voice, "they could have seriously hurt a student, if we were not in that compartment or if they attacked any other compartment." I watched Lupin and Snape having a wordless conversation, and turned my eyes to the tables. I spotted Harry, Hermione and Ron watching us and gave them a smile, which they returned. I then saw two identical boys also watching me and Remus' close proximity to me, raising their eyebrows. I didn't really know the kids, but I knew the look, and I knew that looked meant guaranteed trouble, especially at the Gryffindor table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me how I'm doing because I don't know what I'm doing.


	3. Sleeping Ararangements and How to be a Good Teacher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where will our DADA professors live for the rest of the year, and how much of privacy will they have? Also, the first lecture is the most nerve-wracking one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want someone to love me.

After the Sorting Ceremony and dinner, Remus excused both of us saying that I was tired after the dementor situation. Which I was, but I also was full of excitement being at the place where the most beautiful memories of my life were created.

We were walking through the stone corridors of the castle, Remus' hand firmly pressed to my lower back.

"I am alright," I said, "I won't just trip and fall; you can let me go."

"You might be alright, but you were attacked, darling. I am not taking any chances, more than I already took," he said. Did he look strangely determined and somewhat guilty? No. Merlin, he was doing it again. Some things never changed, did they?

"Remus, you are not blaming yourself, do you? It had nothing to do with you. I jumped in front of the dementor; it was my decision. I was protecting Harry." he said, turning slightly towards him, resting my hand on his forearm.

His warm hand enveloped my colder one, "I should have acted faster. I should have been awake and should have protected you."

"Remus, it was, it still is a few days after the full moon. We both know how tough they are for you. And let's agree, what I did was irresponsible. I should have cast my Patronus rather than physically blocking the spell. It was my fault. But the kids were there and Harry... Merlin! He looks so much like them." I said, not being able to stop my eyes from getting teary. Remus took a deep breath, and his hand moved from my back to my shoulders, and he drew me closer to his chest.

"I know," he whispered, his own voice laced with hurt and regret, "I am not sure how we will be able to finish this year. Him being around, looking James' split image, having Lily's eyes."

"I can't imagine how hard has it been for Severus," I said, and Remus scoffed.

"Oh, cut it! I can understand you acting like an arse towards him when you were a moody, hormonal teenage boy, but you are a man now Remus. Isn't this the time you had let your grudge go?" I asked as we kept walking to our apartment hidden in our classroom.

"He always was a bit too close to you, don't you think?" he muttered.

"He was my housemate. And he is a good person when you get to know him."

"Love, I don't think you are unbiased in this."

"Are you? You kind of made his life hell Remus. Maybe not you directly but you never really stopped Sirius and James. You and many from our house were bullying boy. He was in pain most of the time." I said a bit harsher than I intended to.

"He is evil."

"He is not. He reminded me of Sirius in times." Remus frowned at this and started to protests, "In the way, they handled their pain and emotions. Both weren't very good at it. And it was the reason why everyone misunderstood both of them. Sirius just was able to pretend to be the bad boy, while Severus had to be the introvert."

"I am not going to argue with you right now. You already are tired." He said, ushering me into the apartment. And I know he couldn't disagree with the point I made.

The hidden apartment was beautiful, and it had a living room with a fireplace and an enormous couch, huge bathroom and two bedrooms, which Dumbledore probably recently shaped into as usually, these apartments were for one person. Our suitcases were already placed into our rooms.

"Mind if I use the shower first?" I asked him.

"You sure it is a good idea? What if you'll pass out?" he asked worriedly.

"Don't be ridiculous Remus. I am alright. I just need to wash from all this train smoke. I can smell the Hogwarts Express in my hair. I rather not go to bed like this."

"You smell fine," he said.

"I will smell finer after a nice shower," I said, walking into shower and closing the door behind me.

***

I exited the bathroom wrapped into a fluffy robe, which surprisingly fit me well. My hair was still wet, but I felt cleaner and lighter. I saw Remus reading a book, waiting for me to get out of the bathroom in once peace. He lifted his head and saw me in my towel robe. I could see the light blush painting his cheeks as he averted his gaze from my body.

"You are alright, I presume?" he asked softly.

"I am. But I am quite sleepy. I think I will be going to sleep."

"That's a good idea, have sweet dreams, darling," he whispered as I entered my room. After changing into my pyjamas, I went to sleep thinking about how I forgot to ask him about the lesson plans.

***

I woke up early and put on my emerald green velvet dress which hugged my waist and had a teasing V-neck decollete. I stepped out of the room and came face to face with Remus, who was dressed in his suit and teaching robes. He was quite a sight in the morning. He was raggedy but handsome.

"You are beautiful," he breathed, "I mean, you look beautiful." he corrected himself slightly stuttering.

"Well, thank you, Professor Lupin," I teased him kindly, "I guess we have a lecture today?" I asked him as we got out to the corridor, making our way to the Great Hall. He offered me his arm, which I wouldn't deny.

"We have, with Harry's class," he said, looking at me from behind his hair.

"Your hair is getting shabby; we should cut it," I said.

"It is a nice cover," he said shrugging, "Helps me hide my scars."

My heart broke to his admission, "Oh Remus, you know you have nothing to hide."

"You have seen me (Y/N)," he warned me softly as we reached the professors' table, and he helped me sit next to Severus and sitting to my other side.

"Well, you have seen me, but never tried to cover," I said and turned to chat with Severus, not giving him a chance to answer me. I could feel a couple of eyes on me as we ate, which made me self-conscious of my weight and what I was eating. As I lifted my eyes, I met a pair of blueish-green ones from the Gryffindor table, Lily's eyes with James' face. I gave Harry a small smile which he slightly returned, and his eyes shifted to my left, where Remus was sitting. He looked between us two a few times and smirked, which made me face Remus who was closer than I thought he was. He didn't really move away from me, and his breath softly caressed my face.

"What was that?" I whispered to him.

"His inner James?" Remus answered softly, humour laced in his voice.

"What does that even mean?"

"I think we will see soon enough," he said as we turned to watch the boy talking and laughing with his friends.

***

In no time, I found myself leaning to Remus' desk as he was leading the first lecture with Harry's class. He looked confident and in his element, which was not a common sight, especially with this many people in a room. But he was one of the most talented and sharp wizards I have known my whole life, and Merlin knows how many times we forced him to help us with a lecture. But never in my life would I thought to be a Professor would make him a hundred times more attractive than he already was in my eyes.

I could hear the thumping sounds the boggart made inside the closet as it tried to get free from it. And students were watching the closet with curiosity and anxiety.

"Intriguing, isn't it?" Remus asked the class, "Would anyone want to venture a guess as to what is inside?"

"That's a boggart, that is," said a boy with dark skin and nervousness in his tone, I smiled at him remembering how I was at the first lecture where we were learning on boggarts. How I was scared of what was inside, and how I moved closer to Remus and Sirius as they just rolled their eyes at me, but let me hold onto their arms nonetheless.

"Very good, Mr Thomas," congratulated Remus, which made the boy a tad bit more confident looking at the closet. The rattling noises of the closet grew, and so did the anxiety of the students. Remus was moving calmly and confidently around the students and towards the closet, glancing at me once in a while.

"Now, can anybody tell me what a boggart looks like?" he asked the class, a few of the students jumped to the sudden loud noise from the closet.

"No one knows," answered Hermione, and Ron asked, "When did she get here?"

I didn't remember seeing the bushy-haired witch there a few minutes ago. Was I that distracted with Remus in his element?

"Boggarts are shapeshifters; they take the shape of whatever a person fears the most," she continued looking directly at me searching for approval, that I gave with a smile and nod. "That's what makes them so-" she continued not able to find the perfect word to finish.

"So terrifying." I supplied to help her, and Remus' eyes rested on me a few seconds longer than necessary.

"Luckily, a very simple charm exists to repel a boggart," Remus continued, "Let's practice it now, without wands please! After me, Riddikulus!" he said.

"Riddikulus," the students repeated, "Very good!" I commented from the side.

"This class is ridiculous," said a blond boy with his arm in a sling—a Slytherin with a very familiar platinum blond hair. He must have felt my eyes on him, and he blushed as he met my eyes challenging him with a soft smile, "Sorry," he mumbled no louder than a whisper but still I heard and nodded at him. Remus was still giving the details of the charm, which gave me the opportunity to go towards the boy and his friends.

"Not liking the DADA, or having a bad day, Mr ...?"

"Malfoy," he said, with a cold but not a mean tone.

"Lucious son, I believe?"

"Yes, Professor (Y/L/N),"

"We were housemates and classmates. I know he can be harsh from time to time. Find me if you'll need to talk." I said, rubbing his uninjured shoulder. He nodded softly trying to hide his blush if I knew anything about Lucious, I knew that this boy rarely had someone to talk to. As I was returning to my place, I saw Remus' questioning gaze looking at me and then Malfoy, I just shook my head to let him know everything was alright. He told students to get in line and encouraged a tall Gryffindor boy with huge eyes to be the first one to try. The boy was adorably scared, which made my heart melt.

"Hello." Remus smiled at the boy, his hands in his pockets. He was trying to ease the boy with the look he would give me, whenever I would get terrified in a DADA lecture, "Neville, what frightens you most of all?"

"Professor Snape." the boy stuttered barely above a whisper.

"Sorry?"

"Professor Snape," he said this time louder.

"Professor Snape," Remus chuckled, "Yes, frightens all," he confirmed, giving me a side glance as I rolled my eyes at him. "And I believe you live with your grandmother."

"Yes," the boy admitted, "but I don't want it to turn into her, either," he said nervously.

"No," Remus shook his head, "it won't. I just want you to picture her clothes, only her clothes, very clearly, in your mind."

"She carries a red handbag," the boy started to describe as Remus was shaking his head. I moved slowly towards them and placed a hand on the nervous boy's shoulder.

"You don't need to tell us, Neville, just picture it very clearly in your mind. It should be seeable in your mind sweetheart." I said, rubbing his shoulder softly and moved to stand next to Remus.

"When I open that wardrobe, I want you to imagine Professor Snape in your grandmother's clothes," he said his eyes not living mine as he whispered to the boy. He knew I was going to scold him sometime after class, but it never stopped him being mischievous. He moved to open the closet, and an angry Severus came out, which terrified the boy successfully. Remus was standing right behind Neville and was encouraging him to protect himself from the boggart. And although terrified, Neville managed to scream "Riddikulus" and banish the boggart to the amusement of the whole class. Everyone wanted to be the next, and even the Malfoy boy looked excited to join. And Remus moved softly towards me and reached to the pickup behind me, slightly caging my body between himself and the wall. Some of the students giggled at our close proximity and his tall body covering mine for a few seconds. I couldn't help but blush to feel his chest grazing mine. He moved away the moment he turned on the music, unaware of the effect he had on me with his warmth, smell and whole existence. Ron was the next, and I could see the uneasiness on his face. I tried to calm him down with a smile, but the boy looked terrified. He started whimpering as the bogart took the shape of a giant spider. Remus was standing right next to me his arm brushing mine.

"Wand at the ready, Ron," he prepared the boy. Remus was having fun. He enjoyed interacting with and helping these kids. He loved teaching. I noticed he brushed his hair to the side since the morning, which gave everyone a clear view of his handsome face and bright eyes. I couldn't help the smile forming on my lips watching the man who had my heart since he was a little boy. I loved seeing him being himself, rather than suppressing himself and his wits just because of his condition and appearance, which was breathtaking to me. Ron charmed the spider to have a skate on each foot. Remus was laughing hard next to me, which made me warm in the inside. I couldn't stop watching the man, and he was beaming at the boy and encouraging the next student. I noticed Harry and Hermione watching me as I watched Remus with small smiles on their lips, and as I rushedly diverted my eyes, I met Draco's gaze who lifted a brow at me with a smirk of his own. Amazing, first lecture and the whole class of 13-year-olds were aware of my crush at their Professor.

After a few students it was Harry's turn, he was smiling freely, relaxed after all the Ridikkulus transformations. Remus and I were pretty relaxed too; he was leaning towards me on one arm as I slightly rested my shoulder on his. But suddenly the big clown turned into a dementor which made my blood ran cold in my veins. Thank Merlin, Remus reacted and shielded Harry. And the dementor turned into the image of a full moon. Which broke my heart, at the torture this man was tormenting himself with. I grabbed my wand and screamed Riddikulus and put the boggart back to the closet.

Remus still looked uncomfortable, and Harry looked terrified. I moved around them and put my hands on Draco's and Neville's shoulders leading the whole class out telling them that today's lecture was over. I couldn't help but notice how Draco winced at the sudden contact, but I had to go to Remus and Harry.

Harry left after calming down a bit. And I moved to stand in front of Remus. I grabbed his hand softly as he looked at me with hollow eyes.

"So full moon?" I tried to soften the tension in his body.

He laughed humourlessly, "After more than 30 years, I am still terrified. Do you think they will guess?"

"Their handsome professor being a werewolf because the dementor turned into a cloudy night?" I asked, "No, but I have other worries about them thinking."

"Something more severe than them realising they have a werewolf standing next to them?"

"They will think you are scared of a werewolf before thinking you are a werewolf Rem," I said, squeezing his hand.

"What is worrying you then, love?"

"You didn't notice?" I asked he lifted a brow questioningly, "The stares and smirks."

"They are seeing a young and beautiful professor for the first time after having to spend all the time with Snape, Dumbledore and McGonagall. Could you blame them for staring?" he said his fingertips softly caressing my jaw. I hated when he did that, he always did that, even when we were kids—acting like I was pretty like I was something beautiful to look at. I rolled my eyes and moved away from his touch.

"Don't be ridiculous Remus. You know I am not any of those things. I am not even that young anymore." I said, securing the closet and turning off the music. "We don't have any other lectures today, do we?" I asked, turning to face him. He had a weird, calculating look in his eyes. 

"No, we don't have any more lectures today, but we have three tomorrow."

"Care for a walk before dinner, Professor?" I asked him, putting on my cloak around my shoulders. He smiled and nodded, changing from his teaching robes and following me outside.

He offered me his arm as we were outside the castle, and my shoes weren't as comfortable as his to walk without tripping. It reminded me all the times we would run around as kids years ago. It was nice being this close to him, after all those years and everything we had lost. Even after not seeing each other for 12 years, he still made me feel warm inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think!


	4. Worry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting an old friend and awakening an old monster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you think the reader is a bit self-hating and depressed, it's just my mood refusing to stay inside my head.

My most favourite time at Hogwarts was the evenings after dinner. When Remus and I would return to our living quarters, change into comfortable clothes, and I would be researching the topic of my next article. At the same time, Remus read quietly next to me. He would always brew some tea and bring me some with chocolate, and it would be hot chocolate the nights after the full moon. Severus' Wolfsbane potion was helping, but still, it took a toll on him. I would be teaching alone the days after the full moon, saying that Remus was looking for more exciting activities for the next lecture, and had heard enough of me talking about the theoretical part of the things. Students mostly believed it, to make it more believable I banished him from the class on some random days too, trying to erase the pattern of the full moon calendar.

I loved the night after the full moon. My heart broke at the pain Remus had to deal with, but, he would curl in my lap and wrap his arms around my body and rest his forehead on my soft belly. He would rest lightly warming me inside out. At times it made me self-conscious, such a perfect man touching me in places that I hated.

Today was one of the days, and he wasn't comfortable the night of the full moon so he would lock himself in his room, while I listened to his whimpers tears in my eyes. Dumbledore himself helped put the protective and securing charms per his requests and worry about my health. But he would get out of his room the next morning, finding me sleeping on the coach of our living room. He also found me there this morning. I felt his warm hands rubbing my calves. I woke up to see his tired and worn out face, new bruises covering him. 

"Morning," I whispered and got up, "he put his hand on my shoulder and pushed me into laying position and laid on top of me. His torso between my legs, his head pressed onto my upper tummy. I put my fingers into his hair, brushing the knots softly.

"Was it bad?" I asked him. He hummed softly moving upper. His head was fully resting on my boob now. Merlin, I hope his wolf senses weren't on their full power now because I couldn't stop my arousal. I could feel myself getting wet. He hummed to my question. Thank Salazar, it was Saturday, and we had no lectures or responsibilities. 

"Can I make it better somehow?" I asked, kissing his hair softly.

"You already are," he murmured, "you always make everything better."

"Remus, are you even comfortable now?"

"You are comfortable and warm."

"You should rest in your bed," I said. Even though the coach was quite large, but a large woman and a tall man together could make any coach small, especially if they were still trying to protect the boundaries in their relationship. 

"It smells like a wolf and transformation. I opened the windows, but don't want to go back," he explained.

"Let's go to mine than?" I asked.

"I wouldn't want to invade your privacy love," he said, I could see his ears getting pinker. 

"Don't be silly Rem, and I can't have any secrets from you now do I?" I said, getting up and making him get up slowly. I led him my room and moved my covers, letting him slip in. He laid next to me, hesitantly like he was fighting a battle in his mind. He pulled my body to him and pressed my head to his chest. Merlin, he smelled fantastic his large hands were just above my bum, and the other was holding the hand I was resting on his chest. 

"Last two-three full moons were easier than almost all of them I had," he said his lips touching my forehead as he talked.

"Severus can brew miracles," I said, he was one of the most talented potion makers I had ever met.

"I don't believe it is only that," he murmured.

"What do you mean Rem?" I asked, confused, there was only one change, and that was the Wolfsbane potion. 

"You are here for me after (Y/N). First time in my life, have someone who can ease all of this."

"I was there for you before at the full moons Rem, for almost ten years. I am not sure it has anything to do with me."

"Never like this," he said, "I never had the opportunity to hold you after a full moon or be held by you. You always wrapped our wounds, fixed our injuries, mine and the others, but I never had you all to myself." I was shocked at this. I remembered all the times I would take care of the boys after a full moon. But he never really let me spend more time than needed on him, which left me next to Sirius with a broken heart, who would envelop me in a hug with a forehead kiss. 

"You never asked me to Remus? You know I would stay, you know I would take care of you."

"I couldn't use you like this, and I can't use you like this."

"It is not using though, we are somewhat of friends aren't we?"

"Of course we are friends," of course we are, I repeated in my head, that what we would be forever. You couldn't be any more than a friend with a fat girl. 

***

Everything was as it was supposed to be on Monday. Remus was not as touchy as he was the day before, he never addressed the topic, and I didn't too. It was clear that he didn't want to be anything more than friends, and considering me, it was not unexpected. Other than my crush on the werewolf, I could see many females and some male students watching him dreamily. Remus, of course, being Remus, was unaware of the lustful and loveful stares he received. He always was a sweetheart like that, and it made him more irresistible. It was one of the rare days where I went to a walk without Remus, as he claimed he had a thing to do, but he definitely would be joining me later. 

As I was following the little path that led to the Black Lake, I noticed a movement in my peripherals. The forest or the ones who lived in it never really scared me, considering seven years of my life was spent there with a werewolf and three crazy animagi boys, and it was kind of homey. But the roaming dementors did terrify me considering the beginning of the year. Temperature though was still stable, and it was warm so it couldn't be the dementors.

Against my better judgements, I decided to follow the movement. And after walking 10-15 minutes of the wall, the movement brought me to a cave, I never noticed before. It was weird and disturbing, but something made me feel calm and safe. So I stepped into the cave. A large black dog greeted me—a large black dog who I knew very well. 

"Padfoot!" I scream shouted as the dog disappeared and a very tired, slimmed down and dirty Sirius Black appeared in front of me in his Azkaban clothes. Remus was going to kill me, Merlin, Remus was going to murder me.

"Hello, honey," he smiled, and I ran to him, hugging the life out of him. So what if Remus was going to be fussy, Sirius was a friend and one of the few people who ever acted like they cared about me.

"Remus is going to kill me, Siri," I whispered still holding him close to my body. His hands were gripping my waist and shoulder as he pressed a kiss to the crown of my head.

"I didn't do it (Y/N), I wouldn't do it, I would rather die. I swear, I swear I didn't," he was crying softly as he rambled. I cupped his slimmed cheeks. I pressed a soft kiss to his jaw, "I believe you, Sirius," I whispered, "I am sorry I couldn't do anything, they wouldn't listen to me, no one would. But I never believed them. I know you would never betray them, us." I said, holding the crying man as we both slid down to sit against the wall of the cave. I was leaning into him as he was playing with my fingers. He told me everything about that night, about Peter and his betrayal.

"Salazar, I always thought something was wrong with that boy," I admitted.

"We all were too blind, weren't we?" he asked, "So Remus is here?" he asked eyes shining with excitement as he thought about his old best friend.

"He is, he is the DADA Professor. And I am kind of helping him, I guess. He actually brought me here to..." I didn't continue as to think about how to tell the man that the sole reason where I was here was to be protected from him. 

"Protect you from me?" he guessed.

"Yes. And the first time he left me on my own, I managed to do the thing he was trying to prevent?" I smiled lightly. 

"You always were a trouble maker when you were with me (Y/N)," he laughed remembering all the trouble I was in because of him and his ways to convince me, "so it finally happened huh?" he asked.

"What? I finally found you?"

"Don't be silly. You and Remus. It finally happened?" I gave a sharp laugh at that.

"Merlin Sirius, even after 12 years at Azkaban you are delusional romantic. I haven't seen Remus until last August. I never saw him, never heard of him, didn't receive any answer to my letters. After you were arrested and they were dead, Remus just vanished from my life. I became a writer and started living among Muggles, as I didn't have anyone left in the Wizarding World, and it made sense you know." I nudged his foot with mine, and he watched me with sad eyes. 

"He always was thick as a brick. And an idiot nonetheless. So what is happening now?"

"Now, we are flatmates and co-teachers. We act like we still are the same two people, but 12 years are missing." 

"And you still love him?" he asked softly squeezing my hand.

"Of course, I still love him. I am an idiot, don't you remember? What are you doing here Sirius, there are dementors, they are after you. It is dangerous here. Harry is safe, and we will look after him. You should hide somewhere."

"I know you will," he said, "but I am not here after Harry, not exactly."

"Than why are you risking everything?"

"Peter. He is alive, and he is in the castle."

"What?"

"He is in his Animagus form, I am sure. And he is hiding. I need to reveal him. He is my ticket to freedom."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"How can I help?"

***

After a few hours talking with Sirius, and planning how to get Pettigrew I was walking back to the castle. It was dark now, and I missed dinner. As I got closer to the gates, I could make a tall, dark figure watching me. 

"Good afternoon Severus!" I greeted the man.

"More like late evening (Y/N). Your Moony was beside himself, and it was very hard not to put a silencing charm on him," he said smile evident in his voice. He always loved when the calmer of the Maradauers acted like that.

"It has been a while since I had the chance to walk in a magical forest Sev, you cannot blame me for having too much fun rediscovering the forest I grew up at." I lied smoothly. 

"With the possibility of an escaped mass murderer and dozens of dementors, I believe I can blame you for that," he said as he started walking next to me to my living quarters, "He was worried you must know, he said he searched for you in your usual routes but couldn't find you. And considering it has been more than 6 hours since you went to that walk, he might be correct in his worries."

"Oh we have an enormous forest, and I would limit myself to the same several routes? Don't be ridiculous. I just walked a bit too far, found a pretty view and rested a bit. I might have lost the time, but I am in one piece, aren't I?"

"Good luck on explaining it to him then," he said as I opened the door and he bid his farewell. 

The classroom was quiet, and as I opened the secret door to our living quarters, the silence was deafening. I stepped foot to the living room and met a very dishevelled and anger Lupin looking directly at me with his eyes colder than I have ever seen them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what to add or drop!


	5. Chaos and Kids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little argument and a little curiosity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My loneliness is killing me.

"Are you out of your mind?" he asked sternly, anger dripping from his voice. In all the time I knew Remus, I never saw him this angry towards me.

"I went for a walk Remus, you know it, I told you. I even invited you." I said defensively. 

"So that is what it is?" he scuffed, "your way to punish me for not joining you at your walk?"

"What on earth are you talking about?" things were to get ugly, I could feel it. It was just after the full moon, and Remus was furious and perhaps annoyed at me.

"I don't join you on one silly walk, and you disappear for more than 6 hours? I thought I was going to go crazy (Y/N)! You know how dangerous it is outside! You know Black is after you! You know dementors are everywhere, and how bad they can hurt a person! Merlin knows only what kind of creatures roam over in that forest and you disappear in there for half a day Godrick's sake!" he definitely was screaming now—and walking towards me. I knew he would never hurt me, never intentionally or physically, but his height and built was not helping the uneasiness in my stomach. I didn't want to be afraid of him, and I knew how he would misunderstand and hate himself. But I was bullied before, and not being the tallest person always meant your bullies would tower you. Just like Remus was currently towering over me. 

"I went further than I thought I would, and I got tired. I didn't realise how much time passed while I was resting. I am sorry Remus I really am, but it was not any kind of punishment or something against you. I just, I just wanted to see the forest. I missed it."

"You were always a good liar," he said, "but I always could see right through you," he said. I couldn't stop my scuff. As if he saw right through me. I have been in love with the man since I met him and he never even acknowledged it.

"Funny is it?" he said, moving his face closer to mine, I could feel his heavy breaths beating the side of my face. And suddenly his expression froze. He took a long deep breath, and I thought he was trying to calm and collect himself but, suddenly he harshly grabbed my arms and pulled me to his body. He buried his nose into my neck and took a long sniff. I didn't know what to do as the man sniffed me a couple more times and met my eyes. His gaze was full of horror, betrayal and confusion.

"What were you doing in the forest?" he whispered as if he was afraid of the answer.

"I was taking a walk Rem, I told you," I said uncomfortably as his grip on my forearms grows tighter.

"Stop lying for Merlin's sake! What. Were. You. Doing. In. The. Forest." he pressed me closer. My boobs were almost flattened against his heaving chest. I was standing on my tiptoes not being able to loosen his grip, my arms were hurting at this point, and it wouldn't be a surprise if they ould be bruised tomorrow.

"Remus, you are hurting me," I whispered.

"Answer the question (Y/N)! What the bloody hell were you doing at the forest for 6 hours?" he pressed, "Or should I ask who?" he added with venom.

"What are you talking about? I told you a million times. I was taking a walk!"

"So why the smell of a man is lingering all over your body? Who was it? Who were you shagging in the forest?" he asked with an accused tone. It made my blood run cold. He still had his werewolf reflexes, and he could smell Sirius on me. I prayed to every deity for him not to recognise the man after 12 years.

"What kind of a question is that Remus? How dare you?"

"Your life is at risk (Y/N). And you are off for 6 hours slutting yourself for some prick? In a bloody forest?" he shouted. I couldn't believe what I heard. I couldn't believe what he called me. I didn't know how I freed my arm from his steel hard grip, but the next thing I know, I was slapping him, hard. He stumbled back a bit, just realising what he called me. Regret and pain were filling his green eyes. And tears were tearing my eyes.

"That's what I am in your mind, aren't I? Someone who would slut herself to the first man that would show interest? Am I that pathetic to you? That desperate?" I whispered tears were rolling down my cheeks now.

"No! No darling, Merlin I am sorry. I don't know what came over me. I am so sorry. I would never. I could never think of you like that. It is too close to the full moon; I don't know what I am talking about. I am so so sorry." he was trying to get closer to me as I backed away further.

"We both know full moon just makes you more impulsive," I hiccupped, "it just removes your filter," I said and ran to my room, locking the door after me. I cried myself to sleep that night, hating every moment of my life that led me here under the same roof with the man I loved and who hated my whole existence.

***

I dreaded the next day but woke up earlier than ever. I got dressed in a burgundy dress with a wrap skirt hugging my legs and ending a bit above my ankles, and had lace shoulders and arms. I didn't wait for Remus as I made my way to the Great Hall. Severus looked at me, noticing the lack of the tall man usually by my side. I sat next to him and just grimaced.

"I take he did not take your absence well," he said. I frowned remembering last night.

"He made very clear what he thinks of me," I answered.

"Are you going to leave?" Severus asked, trying to see my reaction. I wanted to. Merlin, I wanted to leave him here and return to my normal life. But, Sirius needed me. His freedom and innocence were dependent on me. I had to stay, no matter how bad it hurt, I had to stay for him. Remus walked inside 15 minutes later. Unfortunately, I noticed him too late to plan my escape. He sat next to me with a hot cup of coffee which he gently put in front of me.

"I am sorry, for everything I said and did last night," he whispered eyes focused on my arms that were covered with lace, but still the bruises were visible if you knew they were there.

"Are you really, Professor?" I asked my voice neutral, "Or are you apologising to not get down to my level?" he froze at the question and my avoidance to use his name.

"(Y/N), I would never even think anything close to what I said last night. You were right; it was not the full moon, not totally at least. It was my own emotions that I couldn't control. I was terrified of losing you. You can't imagine the scenarios went through my head when I couldn't find you. I looked everywhere," he whispered. I knew he hated doing this talk in front of all students and teachers right next to us. But he was aware that I would be running from him all day. It was the only place where I couldn't run away, and we still had somewhat of privacy thanks to the children's' morning chatter and loudness. "I thought I would find you hurt love, or worse, dead. I thought I failed you, I promised to protect you and led you to your death. And then I smelled someone on you, and... I got jealous. You know how possessive is Moony of you. He was still too close to the surface, and smelling someone on you made him mad. It was like someone spilt oil then threw a burning match at it inside my brain."

It wasn't a total lie. His wolf always had an unusual reaction to me. That probably one of the reasons why he sought comfort from me, after a full moon. There were a couple of weird occasions at and after Hogwarts where Moony would seek me and wouldn't stop until the boys gave him an item belonging to me, one of my tops or jackets most of the time. He would curl into them and stay calm until the sunrise. There was a one time where I had to face Moony. I forgat the date and was looking for the boys at the Black Forest when I came face to face with a werewolf. I knew werewolves attacked all and every human, but this one did not. He smelled me and just watched me for a while until Prongs and Padfoot found him and drove him away from me, giving me the chance to run back to the castle. We never talked of it, as it was the first case of such occurrence we ever heard. That was total my luck. The wold inside the man I loved, liked me more than the man himself.

"I won't ask who he is, and it isn't my place. It never was. I hope you'll find it in your heart to forgive me. I know I don't deserve it. But you are everything I have left in this world (Y/N). I know I haven't caused anything but pain upon you, last 12 years, but I can't lose you." he whispered. I didn't have the power to answer him or talk to him longer. I was finished with my breakfast. I grabbed the coffee he brought me, "I guess I will see you at class." I said, leaving the table.

"Of course darling," he whispered after me.

***

The lecture was tenser than ever. I was avoiding looking at Remus and didn't really join it. Remus, on the other hand, was looking at me in every chance he had and tried to make me talk regularly. He knew I would never let the situation between us affect the children, and was using it against me. I knew he was just trying to get me out of my own head, but it still annoyed me. I knew some of the students also noticed the tension, students being the Trio. But I didn't have the power in my heart to act like everything was normal. I was hurt, and it made me face reality one more time.

After the lecture, Harry and Hermione stayed behind as Ron lingered at the door. Harry approached me with Hermione in tow.

"Professor (Y/L/N), could we talk with you if you don't have any other lectures next?" he asked sweetly. I knew Remus was watching us, and I knew it reminded him of all the times James would volunteer to mend our relationship after an argument.

"Of course, Harry, Hermione. How can I help you?"

"Could we maybe talk outside?" Hermione asked. "It is a bit of a female situation," she added glancing at Lupin.

"I understand," I smiled, "but how is Mr Potter involved in this female situation?" I asked. Both of them were red with embarrassment now that they knew their lie was caught. "Do you have a lecture next period? I would hate to take you away from one," I asked.

"No, actually it was the last one we had today," the brunette witch said.

"Let's talk at the gardens now, shall we?" I asked as I followed them outside. As we left Remus behind, Ron and Hermione disappeared somewhere too. Now I was sitting next to Harry in a bench just outside the castle.

"I am listening, Harry," I gave him a soft smile, "Which female situation is bothering you?"

He laughed while his cheeks filled pink, "I just wanted to show you something, Professor," he said reaching into his pockets digging for something, "You and Professor Lupin seemed wrong today, so I wanted to show you this alone. I also was hoping you would tell me about it," he said, showing me a Muggle photo of Lily and me.

"Oh Harry," I whispered, not being able to hold my tears at bay, "How did you even find this?" The photo was almost 20 years old, from the summer of the fourth year, where I was staying with Lily for a week. It showed both of us in the water up to our chests, when we were at the seaside. Severus probably was the one who took the photo. Marauders most possibly had no idea about that week or this photo.

"You were friends with my mother? Weren't you?" the boy asked.

"I was," I admitted, he had the photo proof of it. I didn't see the meaning to lie. "With James, your father too," I said. "We all were classmates. They were housemates too. I am a Slytherin. But we were close since the first year."

"You never said anything..." he said, voice accusatory.

"I know. And I am sorry about this. But," I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and prevent my voice of cracking, "after that night, after what happened, I had no one left. You parents were gone, and actually our all friend group was gone. I was left alone. I tried to contact you, but your aunt always hated me, so she banished me from you. And I just gave up you know, I moved to a Muggle city and wrote endlessly."

"But you returned here, now. Why?"

"I never thought I would be, to be honest. I never even imagined being back at Hogwarts. I always knew our paths would meet one day with you, but like this?"

"Then... Why did you decide to teach?"

"Would you believe if I said I didn't? Remus, Professor Lupin, asked me to join him this year. And he is an old friend who had compelling reasons for me to return. And I am glad I am here. I am glad I got to know you before you got taller than me." I joked softly.

"Professor Lupin and you?"

"Schoolmates," I answered without giving any details. I just was tired of thinking about what Remus and I were and weren't.

"Do all your schoolmates ask you to leave your life and change your occupation Professor?" the cheeky boy teased. 

"Oh hush you," I scolded him.

"Was he friends with my parents too?" he changed the subject.

"He was. He was a closer friend than I was. You could say that I just was added to the groups by chance, while he was one of the establishes."

"And you two stayed just friends after you lost the others?"

"Not really," I said, the boy was too clever to hide things from, and he deserved all the answers that wouldn't hurt him after having to live with those monsters for years. 

"But you two always seem close, like, closer than regular friends," he said, "Well, before today. Today was like the opposite of how you two are regularly. It is disgustingly sweet most of the times. We thought you two were married you know, back at the train, when the dementors attacked. Professor Lupin was very protective of you and didn't let you go for the rest of the ride, always watching you." the blunt honesty in boy's words made me blush. 

"He was being a friend Harry," I tried to explain, "Remus is a sweet man, he helps anyone and everyone he can. But he and I cannot be anything more than friends, that's all we had and all we ever will have. I am sure of it." The boy looked at me with curious eyes and said he had to run to meet Ron and Hermione as he left me alone on the bench. I looked at the lush forest in front of me thinking of Sirius and if he was okay. I took a deep breath filling my lungs with the fresh air around the castle and slowly made my way inside, not noticing the man who was watching me from the bridge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think!


	6. Confessions and New Adventures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Past and memories are tricky things, and love almost always hurts. But idiots cannot stay idiots forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is there anyone else who feels lonely and depressed?

I didn't go to the dinner, not being too hungry and too overwhelmed with the past memories after seeing the photo of a day I had a lifetime ago. The weather was getting chilly, but my mind was too heavy for me to get up and go to our flat. I heard soft footsteps and felt something warm covering my shoulders. I lifted my head to see Remus standing right beside the bench, his travelling coat covering me. It was warm, thick and smelled like him. I didn't realize how cold I was until I was enveloped in its warmth. 

"You didn't eat," he said softly, I could see the small package he held in his hand.

"Not hungry really," I answered.

"I am sorry (Y/N), for everything," he started, and I shook my head no softly.

"It's not that," I said, "Harry and I talked."

"I saw," he said, "May I?" he asked, nodding to the empty space next to me. I nodded, and he sat right beside me, closer than I expected. 

"He knows," I said, the moment I saw the worry in his eyes, I knew he misunderstood, "he knows we were friends with James and Lily," I corrected. 

"Oh," he whispered.

"He found a photo, a Muggle one of Lily and me. I am not sure if we ever told you but, one summer, I spent some time with Lily and Severus. We probably didn't tell you, boys. You know, as Sev was there too, but it was a nice week. We went to the seaside and swam. And Lily had gotten a Muggle camera that year, so we all were having fun with it. Harry found one of the photos. He recognized me and asked. I didn't see a reason to lie. The boy is a smart one, thanks to Lily, I suppose. And he deserves to know," I explained. 

"Of course he does," Remus nodded, "It was the trigger for you, wasn't it?" he asked softly reaching for my hand. He knew I needed comfort, and I needed something, someone to ground me. And I hated how his hand enveloping mine made me feel that and much more.

"You are freezing love, let's go upstairs. I will brew you some hot chocolate, and we can drop by the kitchens too," he said.

"I think I am going just to sleep," I said, freeing my hand from his. 

"Don't go there (Y/N), don't trap yourself in your mind again," he said. 

"What do you know about my mind, Remus? What do you think you know about anything about me?"

"I know your soul," he said calmly.

"You know nothing about me Lupin; you know some young version of me. But nothing of the current one. You don't know what happened to me for 12 years. You can't just stand there and act as if nothing changed."

"But it didn't," he whispered, "I know I wasn't there for you, I am sorry about this, and all the times I let you down, but I had to (Y/N). You needed to have a life, you needed something better than a depressed werewolf," his words made me frown. He was so deep in his self misery; he had no idea how bad it was for me. 

"I am so sick of you acting like you are the only one who suffers like only you have to face bad things," I said, getting up and leaving, Remus hot on my heels.

"(Y/N), you don't understand," he said. I didn't answer until we were in the privacy of our quarters. 

"I know you are a werewolf Remus, I know people are disgusting and obnoxious, but we both know our friendship ending had nothing to do with that. You leaving and not returning for 12 years has nothing to do with that. You never saw me as a friend; I never was a part of the group. I was just there, and you endured me and the moment others were gone, there was no need anymore," I said.

"You have no idea, do you?" he whispered to himself more than to me. 

"That you never gave a shit about me? That you wouldn't even see my face again if Sirius didn't escape?" I accused him. The fire in his eyes was foreign. I have known the man for so long. I have seen him angry, sad, happy, mad, all kind of emotions. But this was new; this was something I didn't know. And before I could analyze it more, I felt his body trapping me between him and the wall behind me. His lips were covering mine in a bruising kiss. My head was spinning from confusion and the realization hitting me. Remus was kissing me, Remus Lupin was kissing me as his life depended on it. His strong arms were wrapped around my torso. One hand buried in my hair, the other holding my waist, pulling me further into his warmth. I felt his tongue caressing my lower lip, asking for permission, which I would be a madwoman to deny. We had to stop to take a breath, but Remus didn't move away, he just moved his lips to my jaw and neck. I whimpered at his touch. His lips were burning everywhere they touched. I couldn't stop. I wasn't thinking clearly; his whole existence was intoxicating me. His touch, his body, his smell, it was all over me. I held onto his shoulder; my knees were weak, legs shaky.

"My beautiful girl," he whispered lips all over my neck. His hands found the buttons of his coat that I was wearing and he took it off. I was left in my dress.

"This bloody dress," he moaned, his hands were all over me now. He was caressing my arms, back and sides. I thought I was going mad; his touch felt better than I could ever imagine. My breath was heavy, and it felt like I was drowning in him, in the pleasure he gave me. Merlin, the man, only was kissing me and touching me. I probably would have died if anything further happened.

"You are so beautiful," he groaned, "So bloody beautiful," he took a deep breath, and his lips stopped. Realizing what he was doing, with him he was doing. But his hands were still on me. He still was holding me close.

"I will ruin you," he said. I wish he would, "I am a bad man (Y/N). I am a monster. You are so pure, so beautiful, so bloody perfect. And you know what I am." he whispered. He bent, resting his forehead on my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around his torso and let him rest some of his weight on me.

"You could never ruin me," I said, trading my hands in his soft caramel hair. Well, except in bed maybe, which I would welcome with open arms and legs, "I never cared about it, you know. You being a werewolf. Even in the night of the full moon, you were more decent man than most I knew in my daily life. But I understand," I said, "I know why you don't to be with me. I wouldn't want to be with me. I understand that you would want a prettier, slimmer girl in your arm." He raised his head abruptly.

"Don't you dare ever to speak ill of yourself or your body, ever," he warned me, "You are beautiful, always were. You take my breath away, every time I see you."

"I am tired, Rem," I whispered, I was drained.

"I know I don't deserve it, and say no if it is too much," he said, looking directly into my eyes, "Can I sleep next to you tonight? I was scared last night, and not having you around me today, it took a toll on me."

"Sure, give me a few minutes to chance," I mumbled.

"Do you want anything? Tea, hot chocolate, anything to eat? You didn't have dinner."

"Can we just lay down?"

"Of course," he said, going to change himself. I changed into a forest green peignoir nightgown. A longer one that reached my knees and had a deep neck cut. I knew it was going too far, but I would do anything to get him to kiss me like that one more time. He knocked and entered my room dressed in a white t-shirt and dark grey pyjama bottoms. He looked warmed and homey, but I still wanted to climb the man. He gave me a soft smile, and we both laid on our respective sides of the bed. He curled himself around me, and I rested on his chest.

"I need to tell you something," I whispered, I had to tell him about Sirius. He would never forgive me if I didn't.

"Anything love," he pressed a tender kiss to my bare shoulder.

"Do you think Sirius really did it?" I asked. His whole body tensing under me.

"I denied it for a long time (Y/N). I didn't want to believe that my best mate, James' best mate, was not capable of doing anything like that. But we saw the outcome. We saw the destruction he caused."

"What about Peter?"

"Peter was Peter. You know him." he tried to explain. I never really was friends with Peter, and he never really was with me. Usually, I was with Sirius or Remus, as James was busy with Lily. I also was close with James and Lily, but just the amount of time I spent with Remus and Sirius was longer.

"They never found the body," I murmured.

"They found his finger," Remus reminded me.

"Hardly a vital part of the body," I whispered, "if you would see Sirius. What would you do?"

"Hex him probably. Then take you away. I can't let him hurt you too. I can't let anyone hurt you." I started chewing my lip, and Remus took it totally wrong, "He won't touch you, love. I won't let him."

"Do you trust me?" I asked suddenly.

"Of course I do."

"I need you to promise me; you will stay calm. And you will listen to me until the end of it." I looked at him. His brows were furrowed.

"I promise," he whispered.

"Remember the man you smelled on me," I whispered, he nodded, nostrils flaring with anger and possession, "It was him. It was Siri." I said. His grip on me grew impossibly tight, almost hurting me, "I went to the walk, as I told you. I was walking at one of the least popular paths, the one we used to go sometimes you remember. It was a bit off-road and too stony, so it was no one's favourite. I was walking there, and I noticed something. And I followed it. I know, I know I shouldn't have done that. It is dangerous," I said, answering his glare, "I followed it for a quite some time. And it led me to a hidden place. I felt weirdly calm, Rem. I felt safe. I didn't know how or why. But whatever was happening, I was okay. Then I saw him. I saw Padfoot. He transformed, and Siri was standing right in front of me. He didn't try to do anything to hurt me. We talked. That's why I was late. We talked for hours."

"You are not allowed to get anywhere further than my sight from now on," he said sternly, "I can't believe you would risk your life like that. I can't believe how irresponsible you are! We are going to send dementors there first time tomorrow."

"No! Remus, he is innocent," I said.

"He told Voldemort where James and Lily were, and he caused their deaths. He killed Muggles. He killed Peter."

"He wasn't the secret keeper," I said which stopped his rant, "He never was the secret keeper. Peter was."

"He told you that."

"Think about it Remus, why we never were able to find anything more of a Pettigrew than a finger. A finger which was very carefully cut out. He was the secret keeper; Peter was the secret keeper. They changed the last minute. Peter caused everything." I said. He closed his eyes, throwing his head back. It was too much; I knew it was. Merlin if Sirius weren't holding me the whole time, I would have a panic attack. I moved closer to him and kissed his scarred cheek softly. I bumped his nose with mine and gave him a soft kiss before continuing, "I know it is a lot to take. And thinking about that night, the 12 years he had to spent there all are horrible thoughts. But we can help him. I will help him."

"You are not to risk your life when nothing is guaranteed. What did he ask of you? Where is he taking you?"

"Nowhere. Why would he take me anywhere?"

"Come on now (Y/N), we both know how needy he is when it is about you," he said frowning.

"Don't be silly Rem. Nothing like that ever happened and will happen between us. Peter is around," I said not wanting him to question my closeness with Sirius. There were things he didn't know, and I wanted it to stay that way.

"What?" he sat up suddenly, bringing me with him, and I fell right into his lap. I tried to seat up normally, but he still was half holding me and didn't really care that I was half lying on his body.

"That is why Sirius is here. He is not after me, or Harry. He is here to prove his innocence," I said.

"Forest is enormous, even if he is here and alive, it is impossible to find him," he said, shoulders sagging.

"He is in the castle," I said, "Sirius said he is in the castle. I asked him to lay low, and I would search for him."

"You are not doing it alone," he said with determination, "I am not letting you put yourself in any kind of danger for your puppy love."

I couldn't hold my laugh. My puppy love.

"Siri was nowhere close to being my puppy love," I laughed.

"You don't have to lie to me. I saw you two, you know. Him always holding you close, kissing you all over. He was the playboy before he set his sight on you. But then you two decided to hang together, and all the other girls just disappeared from him. Whenever something happened, whenever you would be upset, you would run to him. I remember every morning where I found you curled into him, and him holding you as if you'd disappear," he mumbled looking everywhere but at me.

"It's because he knew Rem," I said softly, I caressed his cheek and made him look at me, "He knew about my broken heart. And that the person I loved didn't really see me in that way. And he understood. He was hurting too, you know. The issues with his family and having to escape his own home. I wasn't in love with Sirius. But we were close, we both were hurting, and it just made us stick to each other. He also was a bit tired of the bad boy act, so he dropped it at the first opportunity."

"Was it James?" he asked meekly.

"Was what James?"

"The boy you loved, was it James?" he asked louder. And I couldn't stop laughing. James! Out of all people, James.

"Merlin no! I miss him dearly, but the boy was annoying as hell."

"Then who was it?" he asked desperately, "Who broke your heart (Y/N)?"

"You did," I whispered, "I was in love with you Rem," I said.

"What?"

"I have loved you since I was a kid. Sirius noticed, he always played dumb, but he was the sharpest of all four of you. He knew I could never have the guts to tell you, and it was clear you were not interested. He pitied me; he also was alone, you know. You were busy with school, full moons and girls at some point. James was almost always all around Lily; Peter was his tail. I was just there, and he was alone."

"You are wrong. Everything you said was wrong," he said, holding my jaw in his hand, "I was interested, I am interested. Merlin, I loved you. I love you," before I could answer he continued, "Sirius never pitied you or befriended you out of pity. He loved you; I don't know if the same way as I did, but he treasured you. He felt safe with you, especially after he left home, you were the only thing that would make him home."

"You will help me?" I asked, "You will help me find Peter?" he laid back down and pulled me against his body. I curled around his lean body, putting my arm around his middle, our legs entangled.

"Of course I will," he said his lips pressed to my forehead, "I don't fully believe his innocence until we will find Peter or a sign that he is alive, but I am not letting you risk your life for Sirius alone."

"Thank you, Remus," I said, pushing my head to him and pressing my lips to his, he leaned into me and deepened the kiss. I caressed his chest as he kept kissing me.

"Rem," I murmured my voice swallowed by his lips. "Hmm," he answered, pecking me softly.

"I love you too," I whispered, it felt freeing, after holding it inside for years. He smiled into the kiss. I could feel him petting and caressing me gently even when I was half asleep. The last thing I felt was him pulling me closer and kissing me one last time before going to sleep himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it seems early for them to get together but I need some love right now. Tell me what you think!


	7. A Time-Trip and Broken Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and the reader spend some time with Harry, and memories make them relieve some things that are not so happy. But it is better now, isn't it? When you have someone to hold you while both of you cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried writing this. Not that the chapter is especially sad but I was listening to a podcast with a girl whose mother was murdered by her father, then a mother who lost her 9-year-old child on a train crash. So you can guess why I was sobbing.

For the first time in my life, I woke up to the feeling of total comfort and safety. I was enveloped in warmth; the quilt had slide below my waist while I was sleeping. But it probably was a good thing as Remus' chest against my back and arms holding me provided more than enough heat. I could hear his soft snores, breath hitting the base of my neck. And I couldn't help the giddy feeling that rose inside me. I wanted to turn and look at him; I wanted to drink this moment, his sleeping face in. But I also knew he was a light sleeper. The trauma he had to face as a kid when Greyback attacked, and his wolf senses made him a light sleeper, ready to jump into action when needed. So I content myself with enjoying his touch and holding onto his arms. It didn't take him long to wake up; he was an early riser. I even was surprised to wake up before him. 

"Good morning, dear," he whispered, voice hoarse from full night sleep. His lips touched my neck, and I couldn't stop a small moan. They curled into a smile, still pressed against my skin, "so this is the spot," he mumbled.

"Good morning," I ignored his last comment, and turned into him. His scarred handsome face, green eyes and messy hair. Messier than ever. Godrick, he was so beautiful. I leaned into him and pecked his lips, moving to his jaw and cheek. He let me kiss him for a while, but then moved to me and captured my lips. I tried to pull away, minding my morning breath, but he didn't let me. He kissed me hard, but still gently. He gripped my waist and pulled me to his chest, once more, resting me on him. I tried to support my weight, leaning away from him, but he just gave me a warning growl, not bothering to stop the kiss and pulling me back on top of him. 

"I am going to crush you," I said between kisses, "I am heavy."

He rolled his eyes, squeezing my sides, "You are not crushing me. I like feeling your weight on me. It comforts me," he said, diving into my lips once more. I grabbed his shoulders to support myself.

"We need to go to the breakfast," he breathed into my lips, "you hadn't eaten much yesterday."

"Rem..." I whispered, still half on top of him. He looked directly into my eyes, his grip on me now looser. But he was drawing circles on my waist and back.

"Are we..." I hesitated, "Should we?" I couldn't ask him. I was too shy. I couldn't ask him to be mine, and he deserved so much better.

"I love you," he said, as simple as that, "I love you, and I know you deserve someone better, someone whole. I know I have done nothing but hurt you, but if you can forgive me, if you can love me, I would want nothing more to be with you."

"I love you too," I said. He gave me a gentle smile and gave me a short, tender kiss. I decided to wear an almost black dark green A-line dress with U neck and tulle sleeves reaching my elbows. I exited my room, Remus watching me from the living room. He rose to his feet and brought my teaching robes, helping me into them.

"Magnificient as always, darling girl," he said, kissing my hand and making me blush.

"It's not me who's turning the heads of all students, Professor," I teased him, making him blush successfully.

"You haven't seen the male students then?" he smiled. I rolled my eyes at him exiting the flat, "I thank Merlin our lecture topics are interesting, or we would be having a lot of problems making them focus on the lecture, rather than watch your beauty."

I was in his arm, walking towards the Great Hall. A few students greeted us, giving us knowing smiles. After some time being mad at each other, and more time just dancing around each other, it probably was obvious that something had changed between us.

"They know," I whispered. Remus just laughed. "Let them. Maybe it will decrease the number of times I catch them ogling you." 

"Why would they be ogling me Rem? You are being ridiculous." 

"You have no idea, do you? You might not like your body or yourself, but you are fairly desirable, especially from the male point of view," he nodded towards my curves.

"Remus!" I warned him; there were children around! Teenagers, most of them!

He just smiled at me and gave a quick kiss on top of my head. Almost no one noticed as everyone was already at breakfast, but three Hufflepuffs cooed as they kept running. 

***

Remus and I still were in the honeymoon phase and also were searching for the Pettigrew. His touches lingered longer now that we were in a relationship. We never announced it; there was no need to; it was only about him and me. I would sleep right next to him every night but the night of the full moon. He still was worried that his wolf would hurt me. I wasn't even a bit worried; I knew that Remus' feelings about me were not only his. I loved Remus as a whole, but as he almost never talked on the topic, I never really knew where the man ended, and the wolf started, or vice versa. The only thing worried me was that the fear that Remus had no feelings about me, but the wolf's attraction to me was affecting him to be in this relationship. But one look from him would make me forget every worry I ever had. The moment sun rose after a full moon; he would crawl into our bed, right into my arms. 

***

It was the first Hogsmeade trip of the year, and my heart was breaking as Harry didn't have his permission signed. He asked me to sign it for him, and I knew it wouldn't work if Minerva didn't approve. I tried to talk to her about it, but she said she couldn't, it was the protocol. 

"I am sorry, Harry," I said, resting my hand on the boy's shoulder. "I asked if I could chaperone you, but the procedure is the procedure." I apologised, squeezing his shoulder softly. As he waived after Ron and Hermione, I stood beside him.

"I think I will go to my room," he said.

"The weather is not bad," I said, not wanting to let the boy be alone, "Want to talk a bit? I have some memories of my younger years that might interest you."

"Can Professor Lupin join us too?" he asked hopefully, "You seem better with each other."

"You are a cheeky boy, aren't you Potter?" I teased, the question bittersweet as I asked another Potter the same question many times, many years ago, "Let's check where Remus is. I left him at the Wooden Bridge. He always loved the view up there, and the peace of it." We walked together, talking about his daily life and lectures. 

"Professor (Y/L/N), do you have any pictures of my parents? I have only a few, and I don't really have any memories of them left. I wanted to make perhaps a photo album of them. And you and Professor Lupin are the only people I have who knew them," he trailed. I couldn't stop the single tear rolling from my eye at the pain and loneliness of the boy. 

"I don't have many with me, but I am sure I can find some both Muggle and Wizard photos, at my house. I will bring them at the first opportunity," I promised the boy which made him glow, "There was a phase where your mum, Lily, was obsessed with her Muggle camera and one of our friends was obsessed with his Wizard camera. I bet there are many photos. I also will ask Remus. He is not good with keeping things other than his books, but I am sure with a little search and rescue in his books, we can find some." I told him as we reached the bridge. Remus, probably hearing our steps and his name in the conversation was already looking at us. 

"Tittle-telling on a fellow professor, Professor (Y/L/N)?" he smirked at us.

"Oh, it is hardly tittle-telling when it is the truth, Lupin," I said, making Harry laugh. My arm was still around the boy's shoulder as we went to stand next to Remus. I was looking at the mountains in front of us. I could feel something was bothering Harry as he kept stealing glances towards Remus. I rubbed his back, hoping to encourage the boy. I knew he didn't have any adult figures he could be comfortable with, in his life, and I wanted him to see us as someone who he could talk with without any inhibition. I wanted to be there for him, even if I was 12 years late. 

"Professor, can I ask you something?" he said. He was standing closer to me, as to get support from my presence. And I was honoured to be doing this for him. 

Remus gave a deep sigh, "You want to know why I stopped you facing the boggart, yes?" he asked. I know it was a heavy topic for him as his own boggart was still haunting him. I was still facing the mountains to give them privacy while still providing support for both of them, "I thought it would be obvious. I assumed it would take the shape of Lord Voldermort." he admitted. The name made me shiver, and Harry noticed that and reached to hold my hand, and I gave him a thankful squeeze. The man did not haunt me as much as the memory of what he had done, and who had he cost me. 

"I did think of Voldemort at first," confirmed Harry, "but then I remembered that night on the train and the dementor," he continued his grip on me closer now. Remus was nodding at him, but his eyes were on me and the boy's closeness to me.

"I am impressed. That suggests what you fear the most is the fear itself. This is very wise."

"Before Professor (Y/N) intervened, I heard something," he said, "A woman, screaming." I looked at Remus, who had an unreadable expression in his eyes. No one was screaming there, I was sure of it. But dementors were terrible creatures, Merlin knows, what those monsters did to that boy in that short time.

"Dementors force us to relive our very worst memories. Our pain becomes their power."

"I think it was my mother, the night she was murdered," his words made my blood run cold. For years I avoided thinking about that night, about the last moments of my dear friends, about the minutes that changed and destroyed our lives forever. Remus took a deep breath, turning to face the other side, trying to recover himself from the same thoughts probably. My eyes were already teary, and I was holding the boy closer to my body. He was stronger than both of us, and at such a young age.

"I know you already talked about this with (Y/N). I know you know who both of us are and were to your parents, both of them. The very first time I saw you, Harry, I recognised you immediately. I know it was the same with (Y/N). Not by your scar, no, by your eyes. They are your mother's, Lily's," I knew he couldn't control his emotions enough to talk about James. It was easier to talk about Lily for him, rather than his best friend who he shared everything with, who became an illegal animagus to help him with his most hated thing of himself, "Your mother was there for me at the time when no one else was. Not only was she a singularly gifted witch, she was also an uncommonly kind woman," I smiled at the times I spent with Lily, the times I would cry on her shoulder. Times when she would talk me out of my head when things would get worse, my depression, body issues, Remus' new girl would get me down. Lily was my biggest supporter after Sirius at the times when I hated everything about myself, "she had a way of seeing the beauty in others even, and most especially, when that person could not see it in themselves," Remus continued from behind us now, his back facing us. Harry had tears in his eyes but with a small smile. It probably was one of the rare times someone was telling him a genuine memory about one of his parents.

"And your father," Remus' voice was tight now. He had lost everything that night, I realised once more, and my heart ached for both the boy leaning into me and the man who had my heart. "James, on the other hand, he..." Remus gave out a heartbroken chuckle, "He had a certain, shall we say, talent for trouble. He looked at us supporting himself on the window frame and moved towards us seeing the tears falling freely from my eyes, "A talent, rumour has it, he passed on to you." he smiled leaning to the wall right beside me, his arm brushing my own. I wanted to bury my face on his chest and cry for hours, but I couldn't let myself leave the boy under my arm, so I just rubbed his shoulder trying to get ahold of my tears, now that Remus' presence was giving me strength. He was smiling now, grounded on the present looking at us, and Harry too was in a better mood, which eased the heaviness sitting on my chest.

"You are more like them than you know, Harry. In time, you'll come to see just how much."

***

It was hard for me to part from Harry after that, but I couldn't keep the boy next to me forever as his friends returned from the village. Remus took our dinners to our flat, seeing how deep I was in the memories of the past. He sat next to me, our thighs touching, as we ate in silence. His eyes never leaving me.

"I made everything worse, haven't I?" he asked softly.

"Rem..." I know what he meant. He thought about all the years I spent alone. I could never tell him but losing him that day was like the final blow that pushed me into a four-year-long depression, that still was not totally gone. I remembered the night I heard the news of Lily and James' deaths, Sirius' arrest and Peter's vanishing. Severus visited me at home I shared with Sirius and told me; I didn't remember most of that day. But I remember passing out from shock and crying with him after realising the situation. I tried to reach Remus the moment my tears dried, I went to his home, to his work, every possible place where he could be. But he was gone. The person I needed so bad, the only person who could make things better at that moment was gone. I was alone. I had no one left and, I was too numb to feel anything other than the searing pain slashing me into pieces.

"You were alone for (Y/N). You lost your best friends, just as much as I did, and you were all alone. I am sorry, I am so so sorry," he started crying. Which was the only thing I needed to start sobbing too. I moved to him, pulling him to myself as he began to openly sobbing now.

"You are here now," I murmured kissing his hair, "you are here, and that is all that matters now. I won't lie; it hurt. Losing you too, after losing everything. It took a toll on me; it nearly destroyed me. But you were also hurting, and considering how much you loved them, how deep was your bond with them, it is understandable. Pain makes people do crazy things. And it is not fair to judge you by the actions you did while you were grieving with so much pain. Would it be easier if we did it together? Maybe. But it also could make us hate each other. Who knows how our grieving brains would react to each other? I know we both are too rational of people to believe these things, but just once let's believe that things happen for a reason. And maybe this was the best for both of us." I said, kissing his salty cheeks, still wet. He kissed me slowly.

"Talk to me Rem, and I know something is in your mind," I said, brushing his soft hair, hoping to make him relax.

"Have you talked to Sirius lately?"

"Rarely. I bring him clothes and normal food every once in a while, but it is not safe for him. We try to keep our contact as minimum as possible. But he is alone, Rem, Merlin my heart hurts every time I have to leave him. You know him, he is a touchy guy, he loves being with people, spending time with people. And he is all alone now. He doesn't deserve this; he is a good man. I wish I could ease his pain." I started crying again.

"Can I see him?"

"Rem..." I shook my head, "You are too close. Me going to him is one thing; they see me as one of his flings or the girl who was in the same social circle with him. Also, the way you acted at the first time about this whole situation made everyone think that Sirius was aiming to kill me, so I was scared of him, to run into Hogwarts to hide." I tried to explain, "It is different with you. You were his best mate. Everyone expects you to help him secretly. I can't risk that. We can't risk that."

"I know, I am sorry," he said, "Today, talking with Harry,"

"Made you nostalgic?" I asked, smiling.

"How do you do it? You are close to him. Talking to him about James and Lily. Merlin it hurt."

"It keeps hurting," I said, "but the boy is amazing, and he had gone through so many things, I just want to make things better for him," I admitted.

"Can we go to bed early today?" he asked, we both were drained from the day. And we both went to cuddle in his bed until tomorrow morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always welcome and needed at this point.


	8. Possessive Behaviour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius being Sirius

I was writing quietly in the living room, as a flushed werewolf disrupted my peace. He ran to me and got on his knees holding my arms, caging me between his chest and the chair I was sitting on. Even on his knees, he was almost as tall as I was sitting. His breath was winded, and his hands were slightly shaking. I tried to hold his hands as best as I could in this position. 

"What happened darling?" I have never seen the man this stressed and afraid in a while, "Is everything okay? Is Harry okay?" I asked, seeing no injury or sign of pain on the man.

"Sirius," he said out of breath. I felt my heart squeeze in my chest. Merlin, Sirius, what have you done, "He broke into castle." 

My head was spinning from worry. I could feel a panic attack sneaking up on me, and clouding my judgement. "Oh Salazar, did they catch him? Is he dead?" I asked tears freely falling down my eyes now.

"No, Merlin, no. But it was close. He attacked Fat Lady, tore the painting down. Only the paintings saw him. He was trying to reach boy's dormitory. They think he is after Harry."

"He is not. He must have been searching for Pettigrew. I will talk to him; I will make sure he won't do anything like that ever again," as if Black would ever listen to anyone but his crazy head. But maybe pleading and crying could make him restrain his craziness for a while. 

"No," Remus said, "Everyone is in high alert. Severus is suspicious of me. Children will sleep in the Great Hall tonight. You and I are on watch duty from 4 am to morning." he said, releasing me. I hated this. I hated not being able to go and talk to Sirius, not being able to make sure he is alright. Remus rose to his feet and offered me his hand, helping me get up. His action made me smile.

"What is it?" he smiled, watching my lips curl upwards, "Are you losing it?"

"Not yet. It is not quite far I think, with Siri doing these. But it is you making me smile."

"I brought you, bad news love, I don't think they should seem positive to you."

"You act like I cannot stand up on my own; you always act as if I am a china doll. I am not used to it, you know it. Being big means always being treated as a non-girl; most of my life, I would consider myself to be genderless. Too big to be a considered a girl, and not a boy for obvious reasons. But you make me forget that always being so caring, gentle around me. It is rather a nice change Professor Lupin," I nudged him.

"You are a woman I can assure you. Sometimes too much of a woman," he said hands ghosting over my hips and side, "Sometimes, especially you when you wear those dresses, I feel like I cannot breathe. I can assure you many of the male students will agree with me. Sometimes I think you are too much woman, and I can't think about anything else but touching you, feeling your softness all over," he stepped impossibly close to me, where we didn't have any personal space anymore, his long fingers enfolded around my hips, fingertips grazing the curve of my butt. And the wicked idea of being under him made me warm in inappropriate places and thinking how close the full moon was; he probably could smell it very prominently. We haven't gotten intimate yet. Both of us had our insecurities and a fragile relationship that carried the shadow of the last 12 years. My worries were confirmed when he gave a throaty groan. His grip on me grew tighter, and I was quite sure that I could feel him getting harder against my belly. He took a deep breath, almost like smelling me into his lungs.

"We have to get up in five hours darling girl," he murmured lips grazing my skin with his every syllable, "And it is almost full moon, I am too dangerous."

"Too dangerous to cuddle?" I tried my chance. Merlin knows I wasn't ready to show myself to him fully. But his warmth around me would help me sleep, especially in a night like this where I was worried to death about Sirius.

"I won't leave you alone," he whispered, "Not tonight, not ever," he promised, leading me to his room. I wore one of his lose T-shirts which wasn't so loose on me but covered to my mid-thighs, the man was almost a foot taller than me. It left most of my legs uncovered, and I wasn't that used to show skin, but a few nights together, I have learned that Remus' body heat didn't let us have much modesty. Both of us insecure and bashful but waken up in the middle of the night, too hot to breathe, was not really a good feeling, which changed our routine to my shorter and thinner nightgowns and his thinnest pyjamas. I was curled up on my side, waiting for him to finish his shower, and was already half-asleep when a long arm wrapped around my middle and a warm body covered me.

"Sweet dreams, sweet girl," he murmured, pressing a kiss to the nape of my neck, "Sweet dreams, Remmy."

***

"(Y/N), darling, wake up," I heard Remus shaking me. It was still dark as I opened my eyes. We both were dressing up as quickly as we could.

"Can I borrow a cardigan?" I called out to him, "Of course love," he said, bringing me his dark grey cardigan. He helped me into it with a crooked smile and a soft look in his eyes. "You are such a dilly creature," he whispered, planting a kiss to my head.

We made our way to the Great Hall, where Severus and Dumbledore were waiting for us. Dumbledore gave a small smile to Remus' arm around my waist, and Severus greeted me with a nod.

"We need to have a word," Severus said to me and Remus gently let me go. When we were far enough, Severus looked at me with a calculating look.

"Sirius Black broke into the castle."

"I know, Remus told me."

"Did he let him in?"

"Remus? Merlin, Sev, of course not. He was terrified. He basically ran to me to check on me. I know what you think," I said, touching his arm, "I know what you remember. But that night, that terrible, awful night changed everything. He hates him. He hates everything about him," I was ashamed how easily lies rolled off my tongue, and how easily I was portraying Sirius as a man who he never could be, "He came to me, after 12 years, because of the fear Sirius would take me next."

"They were close (Y/N)."

"James and Sirius were closer. Look what that closeness ended up like. Sirius and I were closer. And I am next on his target list." I told him, "I know the past is preventing you from trusting him Sev. But if you ever trusted me in your whole life, trust Remus."

Severus gave a heavy sigh, "He is going to hurt you, again," he said. I nodded. I loved Remus, but I also knew there would come a day when he will move on to someone better, prettier.

"I know Sev, but I love him. Let me have this, for as long as it goes."

***

I was leaning on Remus' shoulder as the first rays of sun hit the Great Hall. All of the students were still asleep, and I could see Harry sleeping from where we were sitting. Eyes closed, he was the exact image of younger James.

"You can rest your eyes for a while," Remus murmured into my hair.

"And leave you alone in duty, won't you get bored?"

"I will have a beautiful view to watch, and my girl to protect. Just rest." He said, wrapping an arm around me and placing me in an angle where I could rest my head on his chest. The moment I closed my eyes, his heartbeat lulled me to sleep. I woke up to a snickering and opened my eyes to two ginger heads looking directly at me. As I rose from Remus' chest, I saw him glaring at the twins.

"Young love is so beautiful ain!t it Georgie?" Fred said to his twin, his hands joined on his chest.

"And in such trying times," George batted his eyelashes.

"We are hardly young boys," I said, not bothered by their teasings even a bit, I grew up with James and Sirius for Godrick's sake. A couple of jokes from teenagers could do nothing to me. Remus, on the other hand, hated being teased. His glare was quite prominent, and I knew he was to say something harsh, so I just held his hand in mind drawing random shapes on it with my thumb.

"It is 7 am, seems like our watch is over," I said, getting up. I saw Harry as we were exiting the Great Hall and he gave us a cheeky look, "That is a nice cardigan, Professor (Y/N). Looks great on you." he said, eyeing Remus' rather recognizable cardigan wrapped around my body.

"Isn't it a bit early for your wits Potter?" I asked, ruffling his hair, "Are you okay?" I asked softer, resting my palm on his arm.

"I am," he looked around us and lowered his voice, "Dumbledore said he was after both of us, are you okay?" he asked.

"You have seen how he is in normal times," I said, nodding my head towards Remus who was standing a step behind me, "imagine how he was after tomorrow."

"I think he is after you Professor," Harry said worriedly, "Professor Snape said he was obsessed with you when you were young, he was possessive of you. And it makes more sense for him to be after you, rather than a 13-year-old boy."

"Oh Harry," I said hugging the boy, "Don't worry about me, alright? I promise you Black will not touch you or me. We are safe here. And I will talk with Severus to not scare you like that again."

"He didn't exactly tell me," he said, scratching the back of his neck guiltily.

"Oh, so you were eavesdropping?"

"I just couldn't sleep," he explained bashfully.

"It's okay," I assured him, "it stays between you and me. Don't worry okay? You are safe, both of us are. Run to breakfast; we don't want you starving." I said, sending him towards food.

"Everything in order?" Remus asked, touching my back.

"He is scarred," I answered.

"Of Sirius? Or getting hurt by him?"

"Of Sirius hurting me. Apparently, he heard Severus telling how 'obsessed and possessive' Sirius was with me. And Harry is scared he will do something to me."

Remus tensed behind me. "You can't deny he wasn't, love."

"My Salazar, not this again," I rolled my eyes, "I told you before, Remmy, he was my best friend. A very close friend who tried to ease my pain of loving you, one-sidedly. And you know better than I do, all the torture his parents put on him, he was touch starved and affectionate. And I am a touchy person, you know me."

"He was handsome (Y/N), he probably still is," he looked at me. I rolled my eyes.

"Sirius being a beautiful man, had never meant you weren't one," I said caressing his cheek trailing my finger along the scar grazing his left cheek.

"I am scarred and nothing closer to him, could never be."

"Of course you could never be dark and mysteriously handsome," I said his eyes dropping to the ground, "but also he could never be tall, blond and beautiful like you," I said lifting his chin for him to face me, "you always say I am beautiful, don't you?"

"You are. You are gorgeous."

"But I am not slim and ladylike compared to any other woman."

"Doesn't mean you are not beautiful; no other woman could even hold a candle to your beauty."

"So I can be beautiful without looking like the other women, but you cannot be handsome without looking like Sirius?" I asked, "One of those is a lie, Rem. And I hope you are not lying about how you see me." I said, stepping towards breakfast, leaving him with a dumbfounded expression behind me.

***

I had to wait for almost a month before I could visit Sirius. I put an extension charm to a small purse and filled it with two months worth of canned goods, baked foods and various drinks. I also put some blankets and pillows as the weather was getting colder. And some books. Merlin knows if he would read them, but I wanted to give him something to fight his boredom. I was extra careful, changing my path a few times during my walk.

"Pads!" I whisper shouted into the cave, and a tall black dog jumped onto me, almost making me fall, "don't act like a cute pup, I am mad at you asshole." I said. He turned into his human form and hugged me to his chest.

"I had to! I need to find him!"

"We. We need to find him. And we are working on it. Your job is to stay alive and not get caught."

"We?"

"I told Remus. I had to. He smelled you on me."

"He smelled me? I thought you weren't a couple. How close are you that he smells you?" seeing my blush, his eyes grew wide, "No way! You shagged Moony!"

"I didn't shag him, you prick!" I hit his chest.

"But you will!"

"We have a bit more important topics to discuss Siri, don't you think?"

"Are you joking? You wanted to shag him for the last 20 years, and you will be shagging him in a few?"

"Why are you this excited? It is not you I am shagging is it?"

"We already did that haven't we?" he winked.

"I will murder you, Black. But let's hope no one will do it before me."

"He doesn't know does he?" he asked, noticing my worry.

"No one does Siri," I shrugged, "we both kept it private, and no one would think the Sirius Black would be shagging the fat girl."

"You are the prettiest girl," he said, hugging me.

"Hmm, Harry is worried about me. Because of you," I changed the topic.

"Harry, Godric. How is he?"

"Looks exactly like James, acts exactly like James, just smoother. His Lily genes are making him a supreme James. He is a sweet boy really, and I think after we will be done with Peter, he will love you. He enjoys spending time with Remus and me, just to learn about his parents. It is still hard for Remus, to talk about James, you know. So he mostly talks about Lils with him. I try to focus on James to give the boy some memories, but I was close with Lils rather than James. I think you will be perfect for telling him about his dad."

"Does he know that I am...?"

"I am not sure. I didn't tell him. I have to act to be terrified of you, to be able to meet with you like this. So I don't really talk about you. I know Remus didn't tell him. But I don't know anything else. He tries to not talk about you with me. Apparently, he heard Severus say things about you and me, and now the boy is sure that I am your target and he needs to protect me."

"You have that effect on men, hun," he said twirling a strand of my hair between his fingers, "he probably has a crush on you. I bet half the students have. You are too pure to ignore the need to protect you."

"He doesn't have a crush on me. We had a weird start. A dementor attacked Harry, on the train, months ago. We were in the same compartment, and I interrupted the attack, putting my body between him and the dementor. You can guess the rest. The dementor sucked the life out of me, and I passed out, right in Remus' arms and in front of Harry's eyes."

"You were attacked!"

"I am okay," I said, "it was months ago."

"What is your plan now?" he asked me, still looking at me warily.

"Make a list of male students with a rat?"

"It's Weasley's, the junior one's."

"Ron's?"

"Yeah."

"Blimey. He is Harry's best friend and roommate."

"Than we have to act fast, I don't want that bloody traitor rat in the same room with my godson."

"I will have to act fast; you are to hide!" I ordered.

"I hate this (Y/N). The loneliness, the running. I miss you. And Remus."

"I know. I always think of you; you know that. But... Just lay low for a bit longer for me. For us to be able to a family again, all together." I begged to hold his hands.

"I will, for you," he promised, kissing my head one last time as I left the cave, to walk to the castle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What am I doing at this point?


	9. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of mentions of sex, no action yet. I am just looking for the perfect dramatic moment to give our girl some sugar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wouldn't mind taking care of a post full moon Remus, would you?

Remus was laying on my chest half-naked, while I was tending his injuries and bruises. His head was comfortably resting on my chest. His eyes half open, breaths slow. I was softly massaging his tense muscles with a relaxant ointment. The last full-moon was harsh on the man—the stress caused by Sirius and dementors making things worse. I was peppering his head with kisses. The man in my lap was beautiful. Tired, worn out but beautiful. I couldn't help but glance at his naked torso, milk-white skin covered with new and old scars and scratches. Merlin, give me strength, his shirtless state would make me blush harder than a schoolgirl if he wasn't in pain. He was tall and lean. Muscles under his skin well defined. He was strong and sturdy, no denying that, especially for a man who did little to no sports, other than a lot of trekking. I rubbed his shoulders, massaging the knots and feeling his well-defined deltoids, hoping the relieve tension and pain. 

"You don't need to do this," he mumbled, tips of his ears tinted pink. He still was bashful, even when he was fatigued. I pressed a long kiss to his temple.

"I don't. But I want to. I am one of the reasons why this time was this bad. You need to stop worrying about me this much," I told him.

"Unthinkable. I will always worry about you. You are the best thing ever happened to me." he pressed a kiss to my arm that was slung over his shoulder. 

"You are too sweet, Moons," I told him, "I am okay as long as you are. And I don't really have much to worry about myself. I know I am safe with you. Where else does it hurt?" I asked, looking all over him. If he weren't in pain, the things I would do to this man. My dirty thoughts were interrupted with a rapid knock. Remus tried to get up, but I pushed him down to a laying position.

"I will handle it. You have to rest." I told him. And made my way to the door fixing my sleep tee, that reached down my mid tighs. Weasley twins were facing me as I opened the door. Their eyes were focused down my bare legs until I cleaned my throat and glared at them. They just laughed at me. They were still in their Quiddich gear and sweaty.

"Harry had an accident at the game," George said, "but he is okay. He survived the fall with a few scratches. His broom, though, is totalled."

"Salazar, is he okay?"

"He is," Fred nodded, "he was just waking up when Hermione sent us here to let you know."

"Thank you boys," I said, "I will visit him in 5, just need to change and let Remus know."

"One lucky bloke he is," both of them said their eyes were focusing on my legs once more.

"Goodbye, boys," I said, closing the door right in their face.

I went back to my room, where Remus was resting. He opened his eyes as he probably could feel my anxiety, "Everything all right?"

"Harry. He had a crash at the game. Twins told me." I said frantically searching for something to wear. And in my hurry I took off my tee the moment I found a proper dress, forgetting Remus was in the room and most probably watching me. I got my confirmation with the choking sound he made. But my mind was focused on Harry; I needed to go to the boy. As I checked myself in the mirror, I saw Remus trying to get up.

"No. You are to stay here and rest." I said, laying him down and giving him a soft kiss on the lips, "I am already worried sick about Harry, don't make me worry about you too."

"Be careful," he said as I left. I nearly ran to the Medical Wing. Harry was laying on one of the cots. I walked to him and sat right next to him on the bed. Ron and Hermione were on his other side on the chairs.

"What happened Harry?" I asked, brushing his hair out of his forehead. He had a few scratches and bruises, but he was in one peace, and it was good news.

"It was dementors, Professor," he confessed, "they surrounded me, and then attacked me."

"He fell 100 feet, Professor!" Ron said excitedly.

"Oh, Salazar! Are you sure you are okay, Harry? Do you feel any pain?" I asked, looking all over him.

"I am. Madam Pomfrey fixes everything that needed to be fixed."

"That's good," I said, pulling him into a hug, which he eagerly returned.

"I was scared," he whispered, that only I heard him, "I was so scared, Professor."

"Oh my boy," I muttered, pulling him closer and kissing his head, "it is okay now, I will talk with Dumbledore to make sure he will speak with the Ministry. They will not come any closer to you, ever again." I promised the boy. As I was beginning to pull myself from him, he didn't let me go, so I hugged him a bit longer. He probably didn't have a lot of adults who gave him physical support and comfort. So I was ready to be that for him. I brushed his hair with my fingers, and let him stay in my arms as long as he needed.

"If you'll need anything if you need to speak to someone you can always drop by. Promise me you will talk with me or Remus if you feel like you need it okay?" he nodded softly. "He wanted to visit too, Remus. But he caught something, that man has no immune system, believe me. Has been like that since we were children. He was always catching any kind of sickness possible. I am still shocked he didn't catch dragon pox yet." As much of a lie, it was, it was believable with his fatigue and ill look after a full moon. "I had to banish him from coming here. Merlin knows another sickness is the last thing you need right now."

"What about you, Professor?" Hermione asked with doubt in her eyes.

"I always had a healthy system. I should thank Remus probably, as he passed on many of his diseases when we were little. I became more immune after a few years with him."

"It must be weird," Ron said, "working with your classmate. In the same school, you grew up."

"Oh, it is," I nodded towards the boy. Harry still was leaning against me as I held his hand, "especially when teaching was never in the plan. I suddenly found myself teaching in the school I made best of my memories more than 15 years ago."

"I bet having Professor Lupin with you made it easier," Harry said smirking.

"What did I tell you about cheekiness Potter?" I teased him, "I will let you rest," I gave a boy farewell kiss on his forehead. "Let me know if you'll need something," I said, exiting the medical.

The last thing I heard from the room was Ron whispering "I would fall 100 feet too to get a kiss from her," and a slap, probably from Hermione right on the head of the ginger.

***

"I promised to teach Harry Patronus," Remus said, entering the classroom as I was organising some documents. He was leaning towards the wall to support his weight. It was just the second day after the full moon, and still, he was tired. He shouldn't have gone to that walk at this state, but when was he even listening to me. I stood up and made my way to him, and put his arm around my shoulders to help him into the flat. I put an arm around his waist, and he finally put some of his weight on me. I sat him on his bed, helping him to take off his coat and boots, then his jacket and shirt, not listening to any of his protests.

"I can undress myself," he whined.

"You also said you could take a walk," I rolled my eyes at him.

"And I did," he stubbornly mumbled.

"And look what it did to you, you mule," I told him, tapping his arms for him to lift and take off his undershirt.

"You are awfully comfortable with undressing me," he teased.

"I am used to it at this point, don't you think? Other than our current intimacy, you boys made me a nurse at some point where I had no space to feel shame. I had to undress all of you to bandage you. And you Mr, were my most often patient. You had an issue with letting Sirius and James touching you after a full moon."

"They were rough and clumsy. Also, you know it wasn't only me," he said, getting into his pyjama top, "the wolf had, still has, a soft spot for you. He'd rather stay injured than let anyone else heal him."

"You were my favourite patient too, Moony," I admitted.

"How so?"

"You always hurt yourself more than others, so you probably never had to tend the others. But James was the most fidgety of all four of you; he would move so much, Merlin knows how many times I failed to aim a healing spell as he just didn't stop moving. Sirius was being Sirius. Would act like a drama queen. He would act like I was cutting one of his limbs off while I was cleaning the drying blood. He was always making a fuss before drinking a goddamn potion. And Pettigrew didn't like me, just like I didn't like him. It turns out I had reasons. You were refreshing after those three. Always cooperative, receptive and helpful. I also had a crush on you, so that also was making you a favourite." I said as he stepped out of his trousers. Dressing him below the waist was always tougher. I had to act like I was unaware of the bulge right in front of me. So I would only help him when he had to have help to get into his pants, like today.

"I loved when you tended me. I still do. But then it was one of the limited times where your whole focus was on me, where you and I would be alone. No James to bother the peace around us or no Sirius who would have his hands all over you."

"Not this again Rem," I said.

"I know, (Y/N)," he mumbled eyes on his hands, "I know you and Sirius were intimate at some point, I saw him kissing you, his hands under your skirt."

"Remus," I took a deep breath.

"It is okay," he said, "I understand. I would want him too."

"It wasn't like that," I said, making him scoot over to sit next to him. It was a long story, and he had to know. I was tired of the past affecting our current relationship this much.

"I already told you, we found comfort in each other. We both were hurt in our own way. And the pain we shared made us became close friends. I know what you saw, and I do not deny it. I had sex with Sirius, a long time ago, for a while. I don't know when you saw us, but I believe it was probably after Hogwarts?"

"Yes, three years after, at James and Lily's. Our first Christmas there."

"It started during the seventh year. The NEWTs were taking their toll on me. You remember maybe. I had several panic attacks that year. My depression, body issues and exam stress were too much for me to deal with. And Sirius was worried about his future. His grades weren't great, and he didn't want to bother Potters anymore, he thought himself as a burden."

"He never told," he mumbled.

"He wouldn't. It was his secret, as my mind and body issues were mine. He tried to be strong for you all. You all were used to seeing this confident boy not giving fuck about anything, and he was scared to show you what was inside. And I was too insecure to acknowledge them openly in front of any of you. After the attack I had that made me pass out and stay at medical for a week, Sirius realised how bad things were for him and me as he couldn't get them out for a week to let me heal."

"I remember that day, I was terrified," he admitted, "James and Sirius found you down the stairs. Your head was bleeding; blood smeared on some of the steps. James told me that Sirius was frozen in fear, he thought you were dead. James got you to the medical and Sirius came to find us. I think he believed that you were dead for some time; he didn't follow James to the medical. He didn't want to hear them announce your death. He found Lily and me at the library. He was like a ghost. Pale as chalk, eyes wide open, could barely breathe. We thought he had his own panic attack. He got wild when we tried to take him to Pomfrey. He didn't calm down until we came to see you, breathing and alive. James had to send a second-year boy as Sirius was useless to tell what happened and James didn't want to leave you alone. He didn't let go of your hand until you woke up. He wasn't himself until they let you out of the medical."

"He never told me," I mumbled, "he told me that some first years and James found me. Anyway, after that, we realised that we needed a stress reliever, or one of us would die of stress. And meditation or potions weren't an option. We both didn't believe in meditation, and potions were too risky. So Sirius offered sex. I was hesitant first. I never had sex before. I wasn't comfortable with anyone to see me naked, and I didn't really have many boyfriends. But I trusted Sirius. He knew my ugliest secrets, and he still was my friend. I thought my body wouldn't repel enough to end our friendship. So I accepted. We never dated, or never were in love. But it also wasn't just about sex. It was kind of a stress reliever and comfort for both of us. Both of us were touch starved, and it helped." I said, looking at Remus.

"I never noticed."

"How could you? Nothing has changed between us, emotionally. Sirius was still my best friend; we were just having sex."

"It never is just sex (Y/N), especially when it is multiple times and between people who care for each other. Friends with benefits rarely stay as friends with benefits."

"That is the point Rem, and we already cared deeply about each other. We could both kill and die for each other. But caring for someone doesn't always have to be romantical. I love Siri. But it is different from how I love you. It is not more or less, but different. I can't say it is sibling-like; the sex thing would get a lot awkward if I did. We just had that bond. He was the closest friend I had. We were each other's emotional support and family at some point as we both lacked love and support from our actual families. After Hogwarts, we moved in together. He wanted to give James some space. And we both were terrified to live alone. You refused to live with us, so we held onto each other. It wasn't like we would shag like rabbits, just when things got too much. Us moving in together had very little about it. It was about comfort. Only the knowledge that we had someone to talk to under the same roof, without any fear of being misunderstood or hurt was a relief."

"You never were in love with him?"

"Never. I know my relationship is uncommon and how it looks from inside. But, after the childhoods we had, the abuse and depression we faced. We just grounded each other. We were surviving the monsters inside our heads."

He grabbed my hand and held it between his.

"I can't say I understand. And I can't say I am not jealous—more of the bond between the two of you than sex. But I trust you. And I trust Sirius with your heart."

"I love you, Rem," I whispered, "I always loved you, and I will always love you. I know you, and I are similar in our insecurities. I promise you that I will and would never go behind your back to be with anyone else. My heart belongs to you. You will never have anything to worry about. I know the voice inside your head tells you differently, but just listen to me on this. Just talk to me whenever you have even the slightest of the doubt. And we will figure it out. I can't use you, especially because something that is not possible." I said, kissing his hand softly and resting on his shoulder.

"I promise," he whispered, kissing my cheek. "And I love you. More than anything."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk to me


	10. Intimacy and Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some truths are hurtful, but love can cure every pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you'll read, I was horny.

Since Remus learned about my sex life with Sirius, his possessiveness became more intense. It was not hurtful or insulting. Just his presence around me was constant. He would either hold my hand or have his arm around my waist when we were walking in the corridors, or around the castle. His lips pressed onto mine more often, not caring the students watching and giggling at us. I could almost always feel McGonaghal's eyes on us, with a soft smile. Remus would always find a way to have physical contact with me. His chair would be dragged closer to mine, so our arms or legs were pressed. During the lectures, he would always stand behind my chair, a hand resting on my shoulder. It didn't matter if it was his or my turn to lecture, he would be there, his fingertips touching the bare skin of my neck.

It was the middle of the winter now, the most beautiful times at Hogwarts. We pulled our love seat in front of the window to watch the snowfall. I was sitting on his lap. I refused a lot at the beginning, scared that I would hurt him, crush him. But he convinced me that wouldn't happen. Now, he wouldn't let me sit anywhere else, other than his own lap—an arm around my middle, chin resting on my shoulder and pressing random kisses to my clothed shoulder, or bare neck. He would pull my face to him in times, to kiss me on the lips. 

"It is so beautiful," I whispered, watching the white covered hills in front of us.

"I have something more beautiful right here," he said, squeezing me in his arms. I giggled at his sweetness.

"My beautiful girl," he murmured as I turned in his lap, to straddle him.

"I love you Remmy," I whispered diving into his lips. It was the third day of my period, and I was horny. Having the tall man all over me for the past weeks didn't make anything easier. I touched myself every rime I as in a shower, holding my moans not to let him hear. His hands were squeezing my hips; fingers long enough to graze the curve of my buttocks. I was almost grinding on him when we heard an angry tap on the door. I got up off him sighing, and we both moved to open the door. 

An angry Harry was on the door, worried-looking Ron and Hermione right behind him. 

"Did you know?" he screamed, looking directly at me, "Did you know!" he was on the verge of tears. Ron and Hermione's eyes grew wide with his voice. Remus looked annoyed, stepping in front of me.

"You forget yourself, Potter," he warned. He was much colder than the usual Remus, but it wasn't the first time I saw him like this. He always got protective when someone tried to bully me at school, make comments on my weight and body.

"Rem," I said, holding his arm and pulling him aside. Then I faced Harry, and the boy was full of anger.

"Talk to me, Harry, tell me what happened," I asked him reaching to him. He shrugged my hand off his shoulder, and my heart broke a little. 

"Did you know about Sirius Black?" he said sharply, my blood ran cold. What happened to Sirius, did they catch him, "Of course you did! You knew he betrayed them; you knew he was my godfather!"

"Harry, let me explain," I begged him. At least he didn't know Sirius' current situation.

"I trusted you! I trusted you, and you lied to me!" he roared, "I thought you cared for me, I thought I could rely on you. I hate you! I hate you!" he said, running downstairs crying. I couldn't stop my tears now and slid down the wall trying to stop my sobs pressing my fist to my mouth.

"We are sorry," Hermione said, looking at Remus, as I was out of the sight now, "We will try to talk to him. He didn't mean it." she tried to make things better. 

"Tell him to find me when he is in his right mind," Remus said, closing the door and sitting next to me, his arms around me. I was openly sobbing on his chest now. He was murmuring sweet nothings in my ear, kissing my tears. It felt like losing all of them all over again. I didn't want to lose Harry, I didn't want to lose anyone else in my life again. He lifted me in his arms and took me to his bedroom, laying me on his bed. He laid behind me and spooned me. 

"Want to take a bath?" he asked me, "You can soak in, relax."

"Will you stay with me?" I asked.

"If you want me to," he nodded. 

"Can I take a shower first?" I blushed, "I am on my period. I need to clean myself a bit."

"I know," he whispered.

"What?"

"I can smell it on you," he nudged my nose with his, "not the blood. I can smell it closer to the full moon, but your smell changes in your period, you smell sweeter," he explained, making me blush.

"I guess this is the only time I don't like you being a werewolf," I said making him lift a brow, "It doesn't matter to me, the full moons, your moods or fatigue. But your senses make things hard. You can smell me when I am on my period or when I am aroused. That's not fair."

He laughed at my plaint, "You don't need wolf senses to notice my arousal, darling," he said, making me blush harder.

***

A few minutes later, I was laying on Remus's bare chest, both of us soaking in the warm water, his back against the back of the enormous tub. His hand was resting on my aching belly. It would be awkward to bath in our birthday suits not being intimate yet. But there was an old affinity, that let us have this kind of moments.

The steps of our relationship were mixed. We fell in love years ago, only got together a months ago. We spent almost every night in each other's arms, lips grazing at every chance. 

"You are beautiful," he said, kissing my soapy shoulder. He knew I wasn't comfortable naked. My rolls and tits made me uncomfortable. Being a bigger girl with bigger boobs meant not having perfectly perky tits like other women. The gravity was not working on my side. Stretch marks adorned my hips, belly and upper arms. I was used to them by now. But my flesh was still insecurity I had to accept. Remus himself wasn't comfortable with his body. But his vulnerability came from the wolf. He had a perfect body, except the scars all over his body. The scars were his insecurity. I didn't mind them much, other than the times where my horny mind counted them as one more reason to want to jump the man's bones. I felt a large hand cup my tit under the water. 

"Perfection," he purred into my neck, pulling me on top of him with his other arm. His dick, fully hard now, was pressing into my inner thigh.

"I am on my period," I reminded him.

"Are you in much pain?" he asked, eyes totalled on my tits, "Does it hurt, sweet girl?"

"No, not really," I said, and he pressed his lips to my bare shoulder moving lover to kiss, lick and bite my boobs.

"I want you," he said simply, "I need to have you. Can we? Do you want to?" he askes between kisses.

"Yes," I said, I was burning for him. My pussy was yearning to have him inside. I felt empty. His fingers went to squeeze my bum, and I moaned—hot lips on my chest, long fingers on my ass. I couldn't stop a moan, that earned me a twitch on his dick on my leg. 

"I need to fuck you," he whispered, "and I can't promise it will be gentle. I wanted you for too long, and I am losing my mind here sweet girl," he said, getting out of the water and helping me get out. He dried both of us with wordless magic as he led me to his room. He laid me down gently, kissing my deeper than he ever had.

Both of us naked as the day we were born. His caresses were leaving a hot feeling everywhere they touched. His lips wet and warm. He was squeezing my tits, side and ass. His tip was grazing my lower lips. I was gushing now, his weight on top of me making my head light. His lips suddenly left mine, moving to my neck, and following a trail to my belly from there. He shifted his position to kneel between my legs and pushed them open to fit his frame. He was stroking my inner thighs, intentionally avoiding my pussy. I gave a loud moan feeling his breath where I needed him the most. He licked a stripe of my pussy, then leaning in further to suck on my clit. I was moaning uncontrollably, fisting the comforter in my hands. A shudder ran through my whole body as he lightly bit my nub. 

"Remmy," I screamed, I was close to my release, and I never felt more alive in my whole life. He pushed his fingers into me and found my spot easily, curling his long thick fingers and massaging my insides. 

"Rem, baby," I was a blubbering mess by know as I came on his mouth and fingers. He was licking his hands clean by the time I found the power to open my eyes.

"That's disgusting," I said, noticing the small amount of blood mixed in my cum.

"You taste magnificent, and I am a werewolf, raw blood is a delicacy to me," he smirked.

"Eating out girls in their period ofter Mr Lupin?" I teased him.

"It was the first time really," he admitted, "but now that I got to taste you in your monthly special, I think I will be a regular," he promised with a dark look in his eyes. 

"Fuck me already," I begged him, and he rose from his knees, dick hard and proud. 

"Are you sure you are ready?" he asked resting his hands on my hips, I nodded softly, and he lifted one of his my legs over his shoulder, pushing the other one aside. He never broke the eye contact as he pushed into me and my breath hitched. I hadn't had a man in a long time, and a man of his size in a longer time. He gently and slowly pushed into me as he was balls deep inside. I could feel them pressed against my ass. The simple detail was making me burn hotter for him. 

"Are you good?" he moaned, "Merlin, you are tight."

"Yeah, move," I pleaded, "I need you to move Remmy, I need you to fuck me silly," and that was all it took for him to thrust into me in a rhythm that made me crazy, touching every spot inside me, making me come a second time. Him right behind me. 

"Godric, love," he said, his lips finding mine in a soft kiss, "It was wonderful you were wonderful," he murmured kissing my sweaty forehead. I was exhausted.

"You ruined sex with any other man for me, Mr Lupin," I said, brushing the hair on his forehead.

"Good," he said, getting up off me.

"Leaving already?"

"Just to clean you up dove," he said, bringing a wet cloth to clean our juices, his touch was soft enough not to disturb my sensitive flesh. He pressed a piece of chocolate to my lips and helped me drink a huge glass of water. 

"Need anything else?" he asked me softly, ready to settle beside me.

"Just you," I said as he laid down and I rested on his bare chest—fingers following the cuts and scars on his toned torso. 

"You are wonderful, you know," he whispered, his heartbeat lulling me to sleep.

"You are," I answered, "A beautiful, wonderful man." 

"I love you, darling girl," were the last words I heart as my eyes closed to a peaceful sleep.

***

I woke with soreness between my legs, remembering how Remus made love to me just a few hours ago. His hand still was resting against my bare back. I turned to face him and saw him reading a book totally awake. 

"Good morning," I whispered, moving to him to kiss his collarbone.

"Good morning, beautiful," he answered, pecking my lips.

"What time is it?"

"6 am. We went to sleep a bit early last night; you can still sleep if you want to. We have a few hours until breakfast."

"Not really what I was thinking," I said, drawing random shapes on his stomach, "maybe I could return the favour?" I asked him fingers trailing lower. His dick still had the remnants of his morning wood. And before he could verbally answer it got harder, and I crawled between his legs. 

***

An hour later, we were walking to the Great Hall to have breakfast, Remus' arm around me. He was smiling like a mad man, which gained us a few looks from the students. If I knew a blowjob could improve his mood this much, I would spend much more time on my knees, between his legs. Entering the Great Hall and noticing Harry, made me feel a tightness in my chest. 

"It is okay, love," he whispered, kissing my temple softly, leading me to the teacher's table. Throughout the breakfast, he kept my focus on him. But I could feel Harry's eyes on me. I didn't dare to meet them, but I knew he was watching me. 

I heard footsteps behind me as we were walking to the classroom. "Professor (Y/N)!" someone called my name, and I saw Harry running towards us as I faced his direction. Remus gave a deep sigh and stood half step in front of me. 

"Harry, this is not the time or the place," he warned the boy. But Harry ignored him as he ran to me and engulfed me in a hug.

"I am sorry, I didn't mean to. I am so sorry," he was repeating over and over again. 

"Oh baby," I whispered, hugging him back, "It is okay. I am sorry too." I said, kissing his forehead just next to his scar. I kept him in my arms, resting my cheek on his hair until he was ready to separate. Remus was watching us with a loving look in his eyes. Harry ran to his next class, giving me a peck on the cheek. 

"What?" I asked Remus.

"You will be an amazing mother," he said, making me blush and stutter, "One day," he added, kissing my head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still horny. Sorry, not sorry.


	11. Charms and Potions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry learns to charm Patronus, reader chats with Severus and Remus loves his chocolate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't stop writing until I get this man out of my system. I even went to watch Mr Nice to see his goddamn dick.

It was after the holidays, the whiteness of the snow was leaving Hogwarts, the spring was coming. It was still chilly, which gave me the excuse to steal Remus' cardigans and sweaters more often. He wasn't complaining. It gave him more reasons to bend me over and have his ways with me. In the times when he didn't have the energy to do so, he would just kiss me until my heart rate got too fast, and he would tease me for that. Things with Harry also were getting better, I even bought him the newest model of a broom, anonymously of course, but he knew it was from me. What he didn't realise was that it was from me and Sirius. His bank accounts were under my control since he went to Azkaban as I was his legal custodian. He had written his will a long time ago, scared of losing his mind as it was often in his family. He hated the idea of leaving all his inheritance to Death Eaters, or them looking after him in case he lost his mental stability. 

"Harry and I will have our first session this afternoon," Remus told me as I was brewing us tea. He was standing right behind me, it was a week after the full moon, so he was quite fit and energetic. 

"Want me to be there?" I asked over my shoulder. Watching the man eyeing my bum. 

"If you are alright with joining us," he said, reaching to touch me, squeezing my bum, "I know Harry would be happy. The boy is quite taken with you."

"Merlin knows if he had any female figures in his life accept McGonagall and Ron's mother. He is a bit touch starved don't you think? Never had anyone to talk to."

"Anyone would get touch starved when offered your touch," he murmured, pressing a kiss on my neck. 

"Control yourself Lupin," I rolled my eyes at him, "it is tea time, and I have a surprise for you."

"Does the surprise involve you getting naked?" he asked eagerly.

"It involves Belgian chocolate if you are interested," I said, giving him his cup and breaking the chocolate bar.

"You are sweeter than any chocolate," I said, pushing a piece between my lips.

"Who are you, and what did you do to my Remus? The man loves his chocolate!"

"I love you more," he said kissing me, the chocolate was still in my mouth, although now melted, "But you covered in chocolate is a good combo, I have to admit," he said licking my lips, "We should invest in chocolate syrup."

"You are insatiable," I said, swatting his chest. He just gave me a laugh and sipped his tea. 

"Only for you," he said, holding my hand and pressing a kiss on the back of it. 

***

It was a few hours later, I was on the steps of the classroom as Remus was upstairs preparing everything. Harry just entered the class and gave me a smile, approaching me. I welcomed him with a hug and a kiss on his cheek. He blushed a little but sat right next to me, telling me about his day leaning on my arm. 

"Harry," Remus said a few minutes after, leaning against the railing, "There you are. You came. Are you sure about this? This is very advanced magic, well beyond the Ordinary Wizarding Level."

"I am sure," he nodded squeezing my hand, getting strength from my presence.

"Well, everything is prepared. The spell we are going to teach you is called Patronus Charm. Did you ever hear of it? No? Well... A Patronus is a positive force. For the wizard who conjures one, it works like a shield, with the dementor feeding on it rather than him," Remus started explaining coming down, Harry was standing know, and Remus was looking rather adorable in his oversized sweater. And the way he interacted with Harry, or any other kids. Man loved teaching and was amazing with kids. Every time I saw him with first years' at the lecture, it gave me baby fever. I just wanted him to fill me up with his pups.

"But in order for it to work, you need to think of a memory. Not just any memory, a very happy memory, a very powerful memory. Can you do this?" he asked the boy, Harry glanced at me and I gave him an encouraging smile, so he nodded at Remus, "Yes. Very well. Close your eyes. Concentrate. Explore your past. Do you have a memory? Allow it to fill you up. Lose yourself within it. Then speak the incantation, Expecto Patronum." 

Harry repeated after him. And Remus went to the Boggart. I held on to my wand as a precaution, not wanting both of them to get hurt. 

"Shall we? Wand at ready." With a gentle flick of his wrist, Remus unlocked the chest and freed the Boggart. But Harry lost his consciousness, so I used the spell and put the creature back into the chest. I could see Remus getting distracted for a moment with my Patronus. But he regained his focus quickly and went to the boy. He helped him to sit up, "It is alright. We didn't expect you to do it the first time. That would have been remarkable. Here, eat this," he said, reaching into his pocket for chocolate. Remus Lupin did love chocolate and always had at least half a bar of it with him. It was nice finding chocolate in his pockets when I stole his clothes, "You'll feel better." he assured the boy. 

"That was one nasty dementor," Harry said; still a bit shook. I put my hand on his arm and squeezed it. 

"Oh, no, no. That was a boggart Harry. The real thing would be much, much worse. As a matter of interest, what were you thinking?" he asked, lighting the candles back, while I helped Harry to stand up on his shaky legs. 

"The first time I rode a broom," Harry said, leaning into me. Remus turned to face us with an exciting look in his face. He was thinking of James. Saying a memory of broom as happiest memory was a James thing. 

"That's not good enough. Not nearly good enough."

"There is another," Harry said with an uncomfortable look in his eyes, "Not exactly happy. Well, it is. It's the happiest I've ever felt, but it is complicated."

"Is it strong?" I asked. 

He nodded at me.

"Then let's give it a try," Remus offered, "You feel ready?"

"Just do it," Harry said as I let him go to stand behind him, in case he fell again. And it worked. Remus was cheering, as I went to stabilise the disoriented boy. I helped him sit on the stairs and sat next to him. Remus fed him chocolate again, this man. And added, "I think you'd given your father a run for his money." His eyes were shining with memories and not bitter anymore, "And that is saying something." 

"I was thinking of him," Harry said, reaching for my hand, "and mum," he added, "seeing their faces. They were talking to me. Just talking. That's the memory I choose. I don't even know if it is real. But it is the best I have."

"It is," I whispered, "It is if it is real in your heart." 

***

"Your Patronus is a wolf," Remus said, leaning against the door. Harry had already left, and we were back at our flat now.

"What did you expect it to be?" I teased him. 

"A dog maybe?"

"Rem..." I rolled my eyes. I didn't have any power for his jealousy right now.

"No. It is not about me being jealous," he said, reading my mind, "your bond with him. A corporal Patronus is something that is very close to the person. The person's heart, soul and whole life. We both know the presence, intensity and importance of Sirius in your life and heart. I just thought it would be him."

"You have my heart," I told him, holding his hand to press into my chest, right on top of my heart, "You always had Rem. I will tell you a million more times. I know it is hard for you to accept that, I feel the same sometimes. When you love me, tell me I'm beautiful. But it doesn't change that it is the truth. Sirius is very dear in my heart. He is my comfort and security. He is my safe place, especially when I get too much for myself. But you are my heart. My heart beats for you. You are the one I love and makes me feel love. My Patronus has always been a wolf. I used to practice it with Sirius and James. And Merlin did they tease me for it." I laughed, remembering all the times they would remind me of it. 

"I love you," he said, pulling me to him, "I love you so much. And I am honoured to be able to be here right now, to hold you this close, to be loved by you. I could never be a man that deserves your love. Bloody hell, I don't think there is a man that could totally deserve something this pure, this valuable. But I swear to you, I will work every day to be worthy of you, and your love," he said, pressing a kiss to my head.

"I don't want that Remmy, I don't need that. I just want you next to me. That's all I'll ever need."

***

I was visiting Severus to take Remus' monthly Wolfsbane. As Remus was still not Severus' person, and we had tons of essays to grade, and I was trying to flee the task, I went to get to portion. 

"Sev," I called to him entering his classroom, "Are you here?"

"Downstairs," he called, and I entered his laboratory.

"How are you, dear friend?" I asked him as he was brewing something.

"Restocking the medical wing. Those children have no idea of self-preservation."

"Need any help?" I asked and rolled up my sleeves.

"Want to stir it, as I prepared another?" he asked.

"Sure!" I nodded eagerly as I replaced him over the cauldron.

"How is life with a werewolf?" he asked, distrust lacing his voice.

"A week in a month with the werewolf is good, lots of activities that you won't approve," I teased, "Other weeks with the man is also full of activities you won't approve." I could almost hear the roll of his eyes.

"Did you tell him about you and Black?"

"I did. He apparently saw us years after Hogwarts. But he was shocked about the times here. It is understandable, really. He was roommates with him and hanged with both of us through the day. But never noticed. Nobody did really, except you."

"I have eyes," he said, "and Black's touch on you changed with your arrangement. He got bolder and more inappropriate."

"You were the only one who noticed," I repeated you, "but you always were sharp. More observant than all of the Hogwarts. I always admired that about you."

"Hanging around with four boys who acted like baboons might have affected that." I couldn't help but laugh at it.

"Remus was less of a baboon, you have to admit."

"He was. He was more of a wolf."

"Sevvy, please," I begged him, "you know he is good."

"I know. And I am happy for you, really. He makes you happy, and as long as he does not hurt you, I am in peace with him."

"Thank you, Sev. You know it means a lot. You are the last close friend I have if you won't count Remus."

"And Black," he said suspiciously.

"Sev?" I asked, afraid to give him a thing to suspect about my current relationship with the escapee.

"I have a feeling (Y/N). He will come for you. I don't think he will be coming for Harry. What will he do with a boy? His killed Pettigrew, Potter and Lily. He might be crazy, but he is not stupid enough to attack a werewolf. But nothing is stopping him from coming for you. I know you never saw how he looked at you, but the man was mad about you. Even if it was not a romantic feeling, it was a deep obsession. Stay close to Lupin. Me, if he is not available." 

"I will. I am careful," I promised him, "can I ask you something? Being back, Sirius escaping, reuniting with Remus, seeing Harry every day, seeing James and Lily looking at him. This all made me question the past. And something is bothering me. I tried to talk with Remus, but he is not unbiased."

"You do know you can ask me anything," he said, standing beside me know, our shoulders touching. 

"What do you think about Pettigrew? Now that I think of it, I never was close to him as I was to the other three. I don't even remember making a long talk with him through all seven years of our school life. And something about him always irritated me. I never quite trusted him. But you know me, I don't really start trusting people until I talk to them in detail."

"He was an underdog. He was obsessed with Potter and Black. I think they pitied him at first, then got used to his presence. Would I trust him with a task that requires resolve and character? No. Would I trust him with a secret? Never."

"Could you say he was unharmful?"

"No. He easily got under the influence and would ditch anyone the moment he saw someone more powerful."

"Do you think he could have any relation to that night? Do you think he could have helped Voldemort?" I risked.

"Where is this coming from (Y/N)?"

"The memories, I think. I just never trusted him Sev. He made me uncomfortable. His presence would destroy the feeling of safety Sirius would provide for me, and you know how strong that feeling was with him. Maybe I am relying on my instincts too much, but, I just can't imagine a scenario where he is fully innocent. You weren't in the Order back then, but he just had that vibe that would change the whole atmosphere, in a bad way."

"Promise me not to do anything that would put you in risk," he held onto my elbows making me face him, "I know you still adore Black, and I will ignore that for both of our well beings, but I need you to stay safe."

"I will, I promise. I just want to know what happened that night. I need to know. I want to be able to explain to Harry where we did wrong and failed Lily and James."

"You didn't do anything wrong. And you are not the one who owes an explanation of that night to anyone. But you owe him to stay in his life, now that he knows and likes you, and for that, you have to stay alive and unharmed," he reminded me. We talked for a bit more and gave me the Wolfsbane for Remus. 

***

"That was a long trip down to Snape's," Remus said, looking at me from the papers he was grading.

"We chatted, also helped him brew some potions for Pomfrey."

"You wouldn't help me at grading, but you help Snape at brewing?" he teased.

"I love the students, I really do. But their essays are shit." I said, knowing it would make him laugh.

"I am sorry their writing does not reach your academic level milady," he teased, taking the Wolfsbane from my hands and drinking it in one gulp. He made a wry face at the taste of it that made me chuckle.

"You are a full-grown man, sure can take a bad tasting potion without getting fussy."

"Fuck you (Y/L/N)," he pushed my shoulder softly.

"Is that an offer?" I wiggled my brows at him. 

"And I am the insatiable one?" he asked after me as I made my way to my room to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk to me baby!


	12. Betrayal under the Full Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and the crew learn the truth, Moons loves the reader.

I was just out of the shower, dressed in one of Remus' t-shirts putting moisturizer on my legs, as I heard angry steps downstairs. I put on my shorts laying on the floor and slowly went downstairs to the classroom, my hair still wet and feet bare. An upset Remus, who was carrying an awfully familiar piece of parchment, was followed by Harry in his pyjamas.

"I haven't the faintest idea how this map came to be in your possession, but quite frankly, I am astounded that you hadn't hand it in. Did it never occur to you that this, in the hands of Sirius Black is a map to you? And (Y/N)?" accused the boy.

Harry momentarily glanced at me, standing on the steps and whispered, "No, sir." I could both see and hear how pissed off Remus was, and how he was ready to chew the boy. So I made my way downstairs to intervene when needed. 

"Your father never set much store by the rules either. But he and your mother gave their lives to save yours. Gambling their sacrifice by wandering the castle unprotected with a killer on the loose seems to me a poor way to repay them!"

"Remus!" I warned him, moving to stand between him and the boy—Shivering from the cold stones under my feet. Remus lowered his voice after my warning, "I will not cover up for you again. Do you hear me? I want you to return to your dormitory and stay there." he ordered Harry, I accioed some footwear and Remus' cardigan,

"I will accompany you, Harry," I said glaring at Remus. Harry was to oppose, but I just shook my head at him. As we were exiting the classroom, Harry turned to Remus and said, "Professor just so you know, I don't think that map always works. Earlier, it showed me someone in the castle. Someone I know to be dead."

"Who?" I asked.

"Peter Pettigrew." My blood ran cold in my veins. Sirius was innocent. There was not a single doubt left. Remus' eyes met mine, the same realization settling in. 

"That is not possible," he murmured.

"That is just what I saw," Harry said, standing beside me, "good night professor," he said to Remus as we exited together. 

We walked in silence for a few minutes, "Did you really see, Pettigrew Harry?" I asked.

"Yeah," he nodded, "in the corridor. He seemed to be coming towards me on the map, but I didn't see anyone."

"But did you hear anything? Not human noises necessarily."

"I did not Professor; it was dark, but, the corridor was empty."

"The map is never wrong," I whispered, Pettigrew was in the castle, and I had to find him, for Sirius. 

"It can't show dead, can it?"

"What do you know about his death, Harry?" I asked.

"Sirius Black killed him. He destroyed him. Just a finger was left from him."

"Yes, just a finger," I repeated.

"You don't seem convinced Professor," he questioned, "You don't actually believe he is alive, do you?"

"I don't really know what I believe," I lied, "but Pettigrew was not something I trusted when we were young. I don't know why. We never clicked. He was one of your father's close friends like Remus and Black. As you know, I was close to both and your father. I never actually was friends with Peter. He always made me uncomfortable. Maybe it is just me being paranoid, but, something was weird about that guy," I finished as we reached the boys' dormitory, "I can't follow you further I am afraid," I said. I pulled him into a hug and kissed him on the forehead, "Be careful, Harry. Stay close to Ron and Hermione. Come to Remus or me if anything, even the most minor things bothers you or makes you feel strange. I need you to stay safe for me. I know Remus was a bit harsh tonight but, he is a bit under the weather and you are very dear to both of us. I couldn't live with myself if any harm came to you. Just like Remus couldn't too. His anger tonight was not solely directed to you, but himself. For not being able to protect to you as much as both of would want to," I explained softly.

"I promise Professor. Thank you for everything you do for me," he whispered.

"There is nothing to thank dear boy. I know I couldn't be there for you before. But I intend to be from now on. And in another life, you would know me as an aunt. I am not sure I am okay with being called as aunt by a young man my height but doesn't mean you can take me as one," I teased him. His eyes weren't as dry as they were. I just hugged him one last time and waited till he entered the dormitory to make my way back to the flat. Remus was waiting for me at the corridor.

"A bit stern, don't you think?" I asked the man as he followed me inside.

"You were right."

"Aren't I always?" I joked hoping to relax the man a bit. 

"You are not allowed to be alone even for a second from now on," he said, grabbing my elbow and pressing me to his body. He was shaking from worry.

"Remmy, calm down, baby," I said, pulling the man for a kiss. He held onto me, his hand around my waist. His heartbeat was rapid, eyes teary, "I am okay. Harry is okay. You are okay. All of us, darling, all of us are okay."

"I know you just took a shower, but, can we take a bath? With your oils?" he asked. He was giving me puppy dog eyes, hair covering half of his gaze. 

"Of course love, just promise me not wet my hair," I teased him, hands going under his shirt to meet his warm flesh. His skin was scarred but soft, warm under my hand, comforting me. I prepared the bath as he was taking off his clothes. I was watching his lean body, long legs, small ass, broad and firm back with wide shoulders. I mixed lavender oil-infused bath salt. I was bending over to stir the water, as I felt hands roaming my bum. 

"I can't live if something happens to you," he said, tugging my shorts and panties off to help me undress. There was nothing sexual in the atmosphere between us, even though I could change it the moment he would ask me to. I took off my t-shirt and bralette as Remus entered the water. He reached out to me to help me enter the bathtub. 

"Pettigrew is alive, huh?" he murmured against my hair, his hand spread over my belly, his thumb brushing the underside of my tit. 

"I told you, darling," I said, "He is a rat, in every sense of the word."

"I am not letting him touch you. There is no way, I will let him touch you," he promised himself. I turned to face him, curled into him. Reaching to smooth his worry lines. 

"Such a beautiful man, with such a beautiful heart," I murmured, pulling him to myself, reaching for his lips. He kissed me like, it was the last time he would be able to. I didn't let him go for a long time; when we let go to breath, I was hissing his neck and chest, reaching for him once more when our breathing got normal. We kept kissing and caressing each other, cherishing the night and each other. He fell asleep holding onto me, his lips resting against mine. 

***

I had a bad feeling since I woke up. Remus was fatigued as it was the night of the full moon. And my anxiety was irritating him, so I went for a walk, promising not to go too far and under his watch through the Marauders' Map. I gave him a soft kiss and a large cup of tea with a new bar of chocolate.

I was walking around, I was on the edge of the castle grounds, endless. Mountains and Whomping Willow in front of me. The tallest mountains still had snow on the very top; the air was finally warmer. As I took a deep breath to ease the tension around my shoulders and neck, I heard a commotion below. As I turned my head, I saw a large black dog, a familiar large black dog, pulling a red-headed boy and two familiar children running after them, screaming. Sirius, that man was going to be the death of me for sure. I made my way hurriedly, praying Remus was seeing this and was to come to our rescue. All four had entered the underground passage leading to the Shrieking Shack. I was following them, steps behind. Praying Sirius wouldn't do anything rash. But knowing Sirius, that was wishful thinking.

Hermione was screaming as I entered the shack. Everyone froze as I entered. I could see Ron was hurt, Harry angry and Hermione was impressively protective. 

"Professor (Y/L/N)!" Ron exclaimed relieved.

"What do you think you are doing Sirius? Are you out of your goddamn mind?" I walked up to him. His eyes softened. Sirius reached to me but was pushed off me by Harry colliding with him. 

"Don't you dare to touch her! I know you want her dead next! You'll have to kill us first!"

"Only one will die tonight," Sirius said, which did not receive a good reaction from Harry, he pointed his wand to Sirius' head. Hermione was standing in front of me, preventing me from reaching to them. 

"Are you going to kill me, Harry?" Sirius chuckled from his laying position. "Are you ready to kill a man for her?"

Before anyone could say anything, Remus barged in screaming "Expeliarmus!", Harry's wand dropping from his hand. All eyes were on him now, and I gave a relieved sigh. Harry moved to stand in front off me with Hermione, his hand finding mine. They wouldn't let me move past them and stand straighter the moment Sirius' gaze would hit me, which made his eyes shine in amusement. 

"Well, well, Sirius. Looking rather ragged, aren't we? Finally, the flesh reflects the madness within."

"Well, you'd know all about the madness within, wouldn't you?" Sirius joked. Only Sirius would make a werewolf joke in a moment like this. Remus lowered his wand, glaring at Sirius' humour. His face broke into a smile, giving him a hand to get him up. They hugged to the horror of the kids. 

"We found him," Sirius said holding his best friend, "I know," Remus approved him. "It's him," Sirius was excited, he was to be a free man in a few moments, "I understand," Remus nodded. 

"Let's kill," Sirius said, he was giddy. And he was still holding onto Remus. 

"No, I trusted you!" Hermione exclaimed to Remus, I tried to hold her or follow her, but Harry wouldn't let me. He pushed me behind again, "And all this time, you've been his friend! He's a werewolf! That's why he has been missing classes!" Remus' eyes met mine. 

"How long have you known?" he asked Hermione, walking towards us. Harry standing taller in front of me.

"There was a pattern. There were some days off pattern, but they were shorter than the time of the full moon. And you would return with same tiredness after the full moons but not the other days. Professor (Y/L/N) was always covering for you, it was believable and made me ignore the facts for a long time, saying you got sick quickly, and she had to take care of you, you had a bad immune system. But the pattern was there. There wasn't a full moon that you attended the lecture. Never."

"Well, Hermione," he Remus said, "You are the brightest witch of your age I have met." Sirius, being impatient Sirius, started fidgeting behind him. 

"Enough talk, Remus! We need to kill and get rid off..."

"Wait."

"I did my waiting. Twelve years of it! In Azkaban!" he reminded making my heart hurt, Remus' too based on his breathing and hurtful expression. 

Remus looked directly into my eyes. I was shaking my head, no. Killing Pettigrew would not help Sirius to be a free man. We had to prove his innocence. Bloody men, not thinking before acting. Harry held onto me tighter, seeing my disapproval. 

"Very well, do it," Remus said, giving his wand to Sirius, "But wait one more minute. They all have the right to know why." 

"I know why," Harry said, stepping forward, "You betrayed my parents. You are the reason they are dead. Now you want (Y/N) gone, you are obsessed with her! But you!" he accused Remus, "How can you let him do this? I thought you loved her. How can you be okay with this? You brought her here, just to make it easier for him!" he was shouting, tears rolling down his eyes. 

"Harry, no!" I said, moving to the boy. I held onto the boy. "Sirius won't hurt me," I promised. He still was trying to push me back, behind him, "Listen to me, Harry, listen to. You all have to listen." I said, circling him to stand between the trio and the men. Sirius instinctively moved to stand closer to me, but Harry's glare stopped him. 

"Do you remember what we talked Harry?" I asked the boy softly, "Do you remember what I was worried about? I had my suspicions, but you helped me figure them out. It was Pettigrew; you saw him on the map, remember." I said, holding his arms.

"And he is in this room right now!" Sirius exclaimed impatiently; he was standing right behind me know, Remus not far behind, "Come out, come out Peter! Come out, come out, and play!" In a moment Severus appeared in the doorway screaming Expeliarmus, knocking Remus' wand off Sirius' hand. 

"Vengeance is sweet. How I hoped I'd be the one to catch you," he said, aiming his wand at Sirius. 

"Severus," Lupin tried.

"I told Dumbledore, you were helping a friend into the castle. Here's the proof," he said, aiming at Remus.

"Severus no! It was me!" I said, stepping between man, "Remus didn't know anything. It was me. I met with Sirius, and I helped him. But you have to listen, please."

"You? I knew you were suicidal (Y/L/N), but this a whole new level, you are not only self-destructive minger, but also are daft as a bush!" he said anger painting his whole face. 

"Shut the hell up, Snape. You won't talk to her like that; you won't even look her way," Sirius said circling the man. Remus stepped right in front of me, shielding me from his eyes. If I thought one of them being overprotective before, I was regretting that. This was worse, never have I been treated like a bloody china doll. And I hated this. 

"Rem, stop," I said, pushing him, "Sevvy," I told approaching him, my wand pointing to the floor, "we were wrong. It wasn't Sirius. Listen to me, I know. I know what you think. But if you ever trusted me, if you ever valued my opinion, listen to me," he gradually lovered his wand, Sirius didn't, and I had to push his arm down physically. He didn't let go of my hand from then, ready to push me behind himself if Severus did anything rash. 

"Did he wash your brain?" he asked, "did he poison you?"

"Of course not Sevvy," I promised, "He couldn't if he tried. You know I always kicked his ass at duelling and potions," Severus' eyes softened. 

"Then who did it? Who killed Lily? He betrayed them?"

"Peter Pettigrew, he is alive and in this room," I explained nodding to Ron. 

"Weasley?" Severus.

"The rat!" Sirius shouted, "You are bloody daft Severus. Always was!" Suddenly Severus stepped closer and pushed his wand into Sirius's throat, trapping me between himself and Sirius. 

"Severus, don't be a fool," Remus warned with a worried tone. 

"He can't help it; it's a habit" I could feel Sirius' breath hitting my neck as he spoke. 

"Sirius, be quiet!" Remus warned reaching for me, but Sirius' grip on me was too firm. 

"I could do it, you know," Severus said, pressing his wand closer, "But why deny the dementors? They're so longing to see you. Do I detect a flicker of fear? Oh, yes. A Dementor's Kiss. One can only imagine what that must be like."

"Severus, enough," I said, pressing my palms flat on his chest, trying to push the taller man. Suddenly Severus was pushed off us by Harry's spell, which also hit me and made me stumble. Sirius caught me in his arms not letting me fall. 

"You good?" he murmured, pressing a kiss to my forehead. 

"Let her go now!" Harry said, pointing his wand towards Sirius. 

"Harry, he won't hurt me. Please, sweet boy, you have to believe me."

"We have more serious issues," Remus said, ignoring the boy.

"Pettigrew's alive! And he is right there!" Sirius said, pointing at Ron. 

"Me? He is mental!"

"Not you! Your bloody rat! Scabbers has been in my family for,"

"Twelve years?" I asked, hoping to calm everyone, "quite a long time for a common garden rat, you have to agree?"

"He is missing a toe, isn't he?" Sirius asked. 

"All they could find of Pettigrew was a finger," Harry mumbled and looked at me as I nodded. My eyes went to Remus, he looked fatigued and supporting himself on the wall. 

"Dirty coward cut it off so everyone would think he was dead! And then he transformed into a rat!" Sirius went to Ron, and I stepped closer to Remus to support his weight. After a bit of chaos, Pettigrew was in his human form. 

"Remus? Sirius." he looked at them "(Y/N)." he took a step towards me, but both Sirius and Remus covered me from him, and I could see Harry raising his wand aiming at him. Peter tried to run, but couldn't, and after all the hassle we were getting out the Shack. I woke up Severus gently, apologizing from him. But seeing Peter, he didn't say anything. Harry and Sirius were helping Ron, Remus had Pettigrew, and I was helping Severus as he still was disoriented. We had just made it out of the Willow, and I suddenly noticed Remus' eyes shining dangerously green.

"Remus, my love, did you have your potion?" I asked softly; he only managed to shake his head. Peter tried to run as Remus' was distracted, but I reacted quick enough to put him to a body bind. 

"Sirius!" I called him worriedly, as Harry and Sirius were rushing back, I looked at Severus and Hermione, "Take Ron to Pomfrey, and Pettigrew to Dumbledore."

"He will tear you, into pieces!" Severus hissed.

"He won't. I know it is hard to believe, but, his wolf has a thing for me. I need all of you safe and Sirius a free man, by the time I come back."

"(Y/N)!" Sirius said.

"Siri, take them. I will take care of Remus!" I said. He kissed my head, which earned a growl from the changing Remus. I ran to the man who was screaming in pain; I put my arms around his body as his ribs grew wider his limbs getting longer. 

"Moony, baby it is okay," I whispered, holding my tears, "It is okay baby." I murmured. He was fully transformed now, whimpering bent over in front of me.

"Go! Now!" I said, ushering them. That was the moment Moony noticed them.

"Moons, baby," I reached to him. He lifted his shiny eyes to me and pushing his nose towards me, and nuzzled into my neck, his huge paws resting on my shoulders.

"We will see you tomorrow morning," I said ushering them off and they ran, Severus still looking at me like it was the last time he was to see me.

The wolf didn't even bother with them; he was drawing circles around me.

"It has been a while, huh, Moons?" I asked giggling as he pushed my shoulder gently with his nose, "I missed your little hairy face." I said, touching his neck, scratching below his chin. And he purred, he fucking purred. 

"Let's go for a walk?" I asked him. And as if he understood me, he bent in front of me asking to jump on his back. And I did. He took us to a secluded place, farther from the castle, but not far enough for us to not being able to return tomorrow morning. He put me down, and I sat resting my back on a tree. And laid around my feet, resting his head on my lap. That's how we spent the rest of the night. Him playing with me, and teasing me, or asking me to pet him. 

He started to change back, as the first rays of sun hit us. I was tired, staying awake all night with him. After some time of screaming and pain, the man I loved was laying on my feet, naked as the day he was born. 

"Hello, darling," I said, leaning to kiss the man.

"You are crazy," he whispered. I covered him with my cloak, covering him to his calves.

"You feeling good?" I asked as he sat next to me.

"I could have killed you."

"You asked me to pet you," I laughed, "you don't remember, do you?"

"Asking you to pet me?"

"No, when Moons and I met when we were 15-16, I am not sure." 

"What?"

"I knew you wouldn't hurt me, Rem, because you never tried to. It wasn't the first time I saw Moony in his wolf form without Wolfsbane potion. It was years ago," I said, pressing him to my chest, carding my fingers through his soft messy hair, "I was outside, forgot it was the full moon. And Moony came. You didn't attack. Yoı came close to me like I could feel your body heat. But you just smelled me a bit, then started watching me. I was scared. Because it was the first time, I was facing a werewolf. But you didn't hurt me; you didn't even growl at me."

"I couldn't live if I hurt you," he said, kissing my hand. 

"I would never put you in that position," I promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think!


	13. Finally at Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get better, but sometimes farewells are a must. No matter how unwanted and avoidable they are.

After I conjured some clothes for Remus, who was tired but not injured, which was a change, first time in years he got out of a transformation with no injury, and I was proud of him. His arm was around my shoulder, his weight leaning into me a bit. My arm around his waist to support his weight. He was fighting his fatigue, trying to make things easier for me. We arrived at the castle after a while; he needed rest. We both did. 

"(Y/N)!" I heard someone shout my name and bespectacled boy was running towards me. Two men and a girl right after him. He jumped on me almost making me fall.

"You both are okay," he whispered, hugging me impossibly close. Remus was leaning against a wall now, giving us space. 

"What you did was very dangerous," Severus said, glaring at Remus.

"It wasn't actually," I answered, putting my arm around Harry's shoulders, his arm tight against my waist. He was clinging into me, and it wasn't really bothering me. Then Sirius approached me; he was radiant. He had taken a shower, good dinner and slept at a proper bed probably. And the handsome man I remembered was standing right in front of me, with his confidence and smirk, like years ago. I smiled at him. He moved to hug me as much as he could, as Harry was not letting me go. I gave him a soft kiss on the chin,

"You still need a haircut," I said, brushing his hair out of his face, "and we need to let Remmy rest," I said looking at the man watching us with hooded eyes. Sirius moved to help him, and all four of us went to our little flat, Severus leaving us to do something and Hermione going to the hospital wing to see Ron and let them know that no medical help was needed for us. 

"So, what happened?" I asked after I put Remus in my bed, helping him into his pyjamas and making him drink a big dose of painkiller potion. I kissed his hair until he fell asleep.

Harry was sitting right next to me, his fingers gripping mine. And Sirius on my other side, hand resting on my thigh. I was drinking the tea Sirius made me.

"Dumbledore contacted Ministry; they took Pettigrew to Azkaban. I am a free man!" he summarized. His happiness was on cloud nine and seeing him; this carefree made me feel truly happy after a long time. He leaned to press a kiss to my shoulder and rested his chin there.

"How are you?" I asked, turning to Harry, squeezing his fingers.

"I was scared, for you," he admitted, "Professor Snape said we probably would find you dead this morning, and Sirius was worried too."

"It is complicated Harry, I don't have an explanation, no one really does," I tried to make him understand, "but, Remus' wolf, Moony, he and I met years ago, and he didn't attack me. I knew he wouldn't attack me. Could I give a reason why? No. But I had and still have full confidence. We just went to sit under a tree and sat there until morning; he even asked me to pet him. The only scary thing about him was the pain Remus has to go through during the transformation."

"I remember that night," Sirius mumbled, "me and Prongs, your dad, lost Remus that night. He just ran away. Like he was following something. We were terrified as he was getting close to the castle. But, usually, when Moony runs from us, he would attack us, like act violently. But he was just running, not reacting to anything around us, he just ran to reach his goal. Then we saw him with you," he said, squeezing my thigh, "I never saw him like that. He was serene. He was watching you like he was a puppy and you were his owner. It was like he forgot he was a bloody werewolf."

"He just likes me," I said, too tired to try to explain, I stiffened a yawn. 

"I should go, to Ron," Harry said, kissing my cheek as he left.

"And you should sleep," Sirius said taking my cup. I watched him move, in a simple off white t-shirt and soft black pants—his hair in a bun. He sat back next to me and pulled me into his arms. I took his smell in, now that he was clean and smelled like the Sirius I knew, rather than a literal dog. He pressed a long kiss to the crown of my head. He pulled me to lay on his chest, nudging my legs to stretch over the sofa. His body temperature and his slow heartbeat were lulling me to sleep. He carded his wingers into my hair and was drawing small circles on my back. 

***

I woke up to the voices of Remus and Sirius. I was still laying on Sirius' chest, and now my legs were over Remus' lap. His fingers were massaging my feet and ankles softly. They were talking about something in low whispers afraid to wake me up probably. 

"Someone is awake," Sirius teased as I stretched myself out, right into him.

"How are you feeling?" Remus asked, fondling my knee. I went to a sitting position to hold his hand,

"I am good, how about you? Feeling better?"

"I am. Still, a bit tired but, not in any pain though, which is unexpected but welcome," he said, giving me a soft kiss on the lips. Sirius giggled behind us. It didn't really bother Remus though, as he kissed me harder. Of course, Sirius' presence affected his jealousy and possessive behaviour. 

"We need to eat," I said as I haven't eaten since last night. Remus nodded and helped me up, Sirius following us. It was after dinner time, so we went directly to the kitchens. Sirius was standing close to me, which was irritating a post-full moon, Remus. I sat right in between them. Sirius not knowing any personal borders, and Remus' jealousy over this fact meant I was half lying on their laps and half squeezed between them. 

"You both are overgrown boys," I said pushing my elbows into them forcefully, Sirius leant down to bite my wrist, "you also are a dog, Black."

"I am!" he exclaimed. Which made me giggle, and Remus give an annoyed huff. I reached to kiss his cheek and kept eating listening to their bicker and unnecessary shows of testosterone. After a while, we heard slow, heavy footsteps approaching. I saw Dumbledore and McGonagall approaching us, a small smile on their faces.

"It is joyful to see the three of you rejoined," he said, "and interesting to hear about the bond between Professor (Y/L/N), and your wolf Professor Lupin," his aged eyes carrying curiosity. 

"Nostalgic, isn't it?" Minerva asked, "Finding you here, after curfew?" 

"Missed me, didn't you Minnie?" Sirius teased, he was so youthful right now, the same boy that held me every night.

"We have some news," Dumbledore said, sitting in front of us, "Professor Lupin," Remus tensed, he was expected to get fired like many times before. I reached for his hand, trying to support him, "if you want to continue teaching, it would be an honour to have you next year. But, as you all know, the danger is approaching, and Voldemort's supporters are growing stronger. And this all happens around London, rather than here. And knowing the three of you, I didn't want to assume your decision." I could feel his suspense.

"Professor," I said, "is it possible for us to think a bit? I think both of us are still a bit tired after the full moon."

***

Sirius was sleeping in Remus' bed, as he was in mine.

"What do you want to do?" I asked as he was laying on my chest—an arm around my middle.

"I love working here. I love teaching; you know that. But, Dumbledore is also right, Death Eaters are getting stronger, and I don't want to hide here."

"What is really bothering you, darling? I know it is not that."

"There werewolf issue. And I won't be able to find a job as good as this. You know that. Noone will employ a werewolf."

"That's not an issue, both of these. As long as you have Wolfsbane and me, Moons is not an issue. And as to the job thing, you could always work with me. There are thousands of research topics my editors want an article for, we both know how good you are with words, and how clever you are. You could always write. I know the publishing firm would be honoured to work with someone as good as you. Just decide on what you want to be from now on. I will support it no matter what, you know I will be right there with you."

"What would you rather?" he asked. 

"It doesn't really matter, and I can write and research everywhere, you know that," I said pressing a kiss to his forehead, "but Dumbledore is correct. Bad things will happen soon, and we have to be there. We have to protect Harry."

"And stay with Sirius?" he asked hopefully, but also a bit jealous.

"We could," I said, "you saw him. He doesn't want to be alone, and I am surprised he didn't try to lay at our feet as Padfoot yet." I laughed. 

"It annoys me," he confessed, "his need to touch you always. Him having no idea of personal borders. But I also understand, he was in a cell alone, tortured for 12 years. I have been free but alone for 12 years, and I couldn't stop touching you since the moment I saw you. And considering how close the two of you were, even without sex, I understand his yearning for you. It is just, and it is Sirius. He is still handsome, attractive as always, and I am me. I can't even hold a job if not for kindness for the employer, not even a full man."

"You are a full man, more of a man than most who pick on you. And so what if you can't hold a job? It is not your fault that people are shit and discriminatory. It is their loss; they employ wizards and witches half your talent if they are lucky. We can always live at mine, or Sirius' or your cottage. We have more than enough places to call home, we have enough to provide ourselves and have an endless stock of chocolate," I tried to soften his mood, "Don't worry about things that we can handle. Just decide where you want to be. And I told you before, and I was in love with you since day one. Sirius' presence there, Sirius' closeness for me and us having a sexual relationship did not change that before. Why would it change it now?"

"I don't know; I just know that I am in love with you and I can't imagine a life without you. It is not only me now, Moony, the wolf. He wants you so bad. And I don't really know what to feel about this. I am scared he will hurt you; he just desires you and is possessive of you."

"But you do trust Sirius, and I don't you?"

"Of course I do. Both of you with my life and heart."

"Is it possible that the distress you are feeling about Sirius and me, is not actually your distress? Can it be Moons' instincts?"

"It might," he hesitated, he probably never really thought of it that way. He didn't think about the wolf unless something really happened.

"We still have time. Just think about what you want to be, and we will do that."

***

It was the end of the year, Remus decided to become a researcher with me, and we chose to live with Sirius until the Voldemort threat was over. I was waiting outside of the castle, Sirius right beside me. Remus just exited with Harry next to him. The boy ran to Sirius and me.

"You are leaving," he said. 

"The school," I corrected him, "I am leaving the school, but never you," I promised pulling him to myself, "I talked with Dumbledore and Petunia. You will go to them for the first week of summer; we need to fix Sirius and my old flat. No one has been there for 12 years, so Merlin knows if it is still in one piece. As soon as we are finished there I will come to get you, I promise you, love." I said, kissing his scarred forehead.

"Are they going to let me? Can I live with you?"

"Not officially, but we found a loophole," Sirius said from behind me, resting a hand on my waist, "You are still officially living with them, but spending holidays with us. Considering the rest of the time you are here, you are actually living with us."

"Really?" he asked me, his eyes shining with tears.

"Of course Harry, just a week and you'll be with us," I promised him. 

***

The flat was just as we left it. Needed a lot of cleaning but with magic, it took three days to makeover the whole house. It was an old red brick terrace house, three floors total, with a small garden on the back. It was left to Sirius from one of his uncles who was also cast from the family, and because it was close to London and not paint with the memories of abuse from his childhood, he asked me to live there with him. Remus was already settled into my old room, not even letting me say anything about a room for him. I had sent to shop for food, and I wanted everything to be perfect before Harry came. His room was facing the street with a big comfy bed and a few things I thought he would like. 

I managed to cut Sirius' hair; his locks still were long, just tidier. He still made a fuss about it, being the man child he is. It was nice living with two of the most important men in my life; they would constantly bicker and annoy me but, leaving alone for 12 years, I was thankful for every moment. 

"Honey, we are home!" Sirius shouted from the entrance. As I was going downstairs, the black-haired man blocked my way and put his arms around me, carrying me down.

"Paws off my woman Padfoot," Remus warned putting the products to the shelves. Remus' presence at home, meant everything was perfectly in order and the issues caused by Sirius and my messiness was minimized. I went to the tall man, putting my arms around his middle, pressing my face to his back. He patted my hand with his and continuing what he did. 

"How was the store?" I asked, sitting next to me as I still was holding onto Remus. 

"Crowded, the first week of summer, everyone is planning barbecues, picnics and other shit," Sirius said, biting into an apple.

"When are you going to get Harry exactly?" Remus asked. He turned into my arms, so now I was pressed to his chest, as his hands rested on my bottom. 

"Monday morning, I already owled Harry."

"Are you sure you want to go alone?" he was worried, with whispers about death eaters around, he was scared for me.

"I will just apparate and get Harry," I said, patting his chest, "I will be okay. Petunia hates both of you anyway, being James' friends and all." 

"She is a wench," Sirius said pulling me from Remus, I was standing between his legs, I rested against his thigh behind me, "Stop stealing her," he told Remus. The man just rolled his eyes at him, "If anything you are stealing her, she is my girlfriend after all," he said proudly. 

"And my best friend," Sirius said pushing his chest and putting his arms around me. 

"I am also your best friend," Remus said.

"You are not letting me cuddle you!"

"I should not let you cuddle her either," he mumbled.

"I am glad that I am not even included in this," I said glaring at both of them. Remus just kissed my hand and went to make some tea, as Sirius turned my back to him and started braiding my hair. Sirius loved his hair and doing things that he didn't have the heart to do to his, to mine. Remus watched us with an amused expression at my horror of losing my hair. But I knew he enjoyed this torture, just like Sirius did. He would take a picture if he could. A picture!

"Siri!" I suddenly turned to the man behind me, almost making him fall off his stool. He grabbed my waist to stop his fall, and glared at me, "You have photos don't you?" I asked, not caring about his sass.

"Of what babe? You? Tons."

"Sirius," Remus warned. I could feel his body behind me, not touching put standing right behind me millimetres apart. 

"Of James and Lils," I said softly, "I promised Harry to find some. Mine are still at the other house, and this man is not so much of a clean freak towards his books and papers. I said, letting myself fall towards his chest. Remus pressed a hand right in the middle of my belly, below Sirius' hands, to keep me stable.

"I must have, somewhere. Merlin knows how long it will take to find all," he said, giving me one last squeeze. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A poly might happen, not sure for certain. Talk to me!


	14. Summertime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry is back! Full moon sex and Sirius fluff!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My boys!

I wore a soft pink dress with notch cap sleeves and illusion bodice neckline; its skirt was hugging my thighs nicely. I put my hair in a bun, trying to look as presentable as possible. I was not scared of Dursleys, but I didn't want them to give any reasons to mistreat Harry more. Sirius' whistle met me as I descended the stairs. I raised my brows at him as Remus approached me and gave me a soft kiss,

"Be careful, darling. Send a Patronus if even the slightest thing bothers you," he said, squeezing my hip. He still was worried about me going alone, but I was confident that nothing would happen. Sirius was annoyed by his protective nature, which was not fair, as he was much worse. Remus still knew boundaries. And never tried to throw me over his shoulder to kidnap me from my own date. He pushed Remus off me and caged me in his arms, and pressed a loud kiss to my cheek, earning a growl from the blond man. 

"Bring my godson and your hot ass back here as soon as you can," he said, inching his hands lower.

"Watch your paws, Padfoot, or you won't have any soon," Remus said, bringing me my handbag and wand. Not having time to watch their cute bicker, I just apparated to Dursleys. I was excited and anxious. I missed the boy dearly, and Merlin knows what he had to endure in that house. I knocked on the door, and a large man opened the door, with annoyance in his face. 

"Good morning! I am here for Harry," I heard the rush behind the man and Harry's voice greeted me "(Y/N)!" he screamed. The man got out of our way, and Harry jumped into my arms, 

"Hello, darling," I said, kissing his head softly. His arms were around me, staying impossibly close to me, I could feel he couldn't wait to get away from this house and people. 

"I would hate to bother you any longer, Mr Dursley, Petunia," I said nodding to the man and the woman behind him, watching me with nostalgia in her eyes. We never were close, and she treated all three of us, me, Lily and Severus, terribly when we grew up. But when the Marauders entered the picture, she decided she much rather has me around, so stopped her bullying. I gave her a tight smile and grabbed Harry's trunk, apparating us both. 

"Leaky Cauldron?" Harry asked as I sent his luggage back home with a note, saying I would take Harry out a bit. I knew both men would hate the idea, but I missed the boy, and I wanted to keep him to myself for a bit.

"I thought we could hang out a bit, before joining the grown babies at home," I said, putting my arm around the boy's slender shoulders. We ate ice cream together and shopped for him a bit. And returned home to annoyed Sirius and amused Remus.

"Welcome, love," he said kissing me softly as Sirius went to hug Harry and glare at me, Remus laughed at his childishness and let me rest on him, an arm cradling me into his torso, "Everything alright?" he asked, watching Sirius taking Harry to his room.

"Of course, just wanted to spend some time with him and shop if he needed anything," I explained, both of us moving to the living room. His half-read book was resting against the arm of the sofa, and a few books about defence, some written by me, on the table. Sirius was in a preparation mood lately, trying to learn every trick in the book. Harry and Sirius returned downstairs in a bit, and Harry sat right next to me living Sirius alone on the loveseat.

"You stole both my best friend and godson," he accused me.

"I am your best friend silly," I said which didn't ease his glare. I rolled my eyes and went to sit by the arm of his seat, legs over his thighs, "Happy you attention-seeking drama queen?" I asked as he put his hands on my knees.

"Yes," he nodded, looking at Remus with a victory gaze. 

"Is that how things have been?" Harry asked humour abundant in his voice, "Both of you bothering (Y/N), and acting like two children who were told to share a toy?" Both men went blushing and exclaimed at the same time, "She is my best friend!" "She is my girlfriend!" Both Harry and I couldn't hold our giggles. 

***

Having Harry around was fun. He had a soft spot for me as I had for him, so he would always help me fluster the men in the house. Today was the day before the full moon, and Remus was on edge. Sirius took Harry out to make things easier for Remus. As I was preparing to cook something for dinner, I felt too large hands grabbing my hips from behind and pressing me to a solid body; a hard member was pocking me. It was one of those full moons when Remus was horny, and Moony was also horny. This whole week was spent by Remus taking me in any and every position any time we were alone. Even when Harry and Sirius were around, he wouldn't let me sit anywhere but his lap. Knowing he was half hard most of the time, it was for the best to keep the boy's innocence intact. 

I felt his warm lips caressing my neck, biting onto my collar bones. Hands grabbing me hips, ass and belly. He was slowly grinding into my ass, one of his hands found a way into my pants, coarse fingers sliding between my lips, "Already so wet, little minx you are," he groaned right into my ear, making me even wetter.

"I am always wet for you Moons," I moaned as he sucked on my pulsing point "don't act like you can't smell it on me."

"Oh I can," he said, grinding harder, "I can smell your sweet cunt every time you are in the room, begging to be fucked, eaten. What do you want, sweet girl?" he murmured, fingers rubbing on my nub, "want me to eat you out until you are bone dry? Or do you want me to fuck your cunt so hard, you won't be able to sit for the rest of the day? Whatever you want, just say it, and it is yours." he said, pressing his boner harder into the soft flesh of my ass.

"Whatever you want Remmy, do whatever you want to me," I said desperately, I was too close, he was rubbing me so good. I could feel my release coming as my knees buckled, but Remus was holding me tightly in his grip. My orgasm came hot and hard. If not Remus' arms around me, and his body trapping me against the counter, I would be laying on the ground shaking with it. He didn't take our his hand, as he knew how sensitive I was right now. He eased me with kisses around my neck and shoulders, calming my body after bringing it the pleasure that almost shut down all my systems. He slowly took off his hand from my pants and gave it a lick, moaning at my taste. 

"Fuck, dove, how do you taste so good?" he moaned, lifting me in his arms to take me upstairs. He laid me down on the bed, undressing me softly. I was laying in the middle of the bed, naked as the day I was born. The evidence of my pleasure still shining between my legs. I watched Remus take off his clothes, his dick hitting his stomach as it was released from the prison of his clothes. My mouth-watering at sight, he slowly moved to me and reached to tease my tits, cradling them kissing and biting them.

"Oh, baby," I said, feeling one of his hands grabbing my ass, "I can't hold much longer, darling," he murmured into my neck, "can you take me? Are you ready?"

"Yes," I murmured, "take me Remmy," I whispered as he entered me in one thrust. The sudden feeling of fullness and his chest pressing into mine, his smell surrounding me, filling my lungs made my head dizzy. He was moving rhythmically inside me, each time brushing over my sensitive spot, making me scream softly. All I could think of was him, my mind, my senses were filled by only him. He was sucking my neck, leaving hickeys and love bites all over my throat and chest. I was holding onto his shoulder blades, nails sliding over his milky back. My second orgasm around him, made him release his seed into me graning my name. I was feeling so full and content, Remus still inside me, his weight resting on top of me. I wrapped my legs around his ass, and arms around his torso, not ready to let him go yet. I was feeling unearthly like Remus took me and put me in the sky, wrapping me with soft clouds. 

"I am going to crush you, sweet girl" he whispered, trying to get off.

"Remmy, please stay," I whispered, "I need to feel you," I murmured.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered, his lips dancing around my face, nuzzling into my hair, "Merlin knows you are so beautiful, perfection really."

"I love you so much," I murmured into the skin of his shoulder, "I love you so much Remmy," I sobbed softly, I couldn't hold my tears, the moment between us was so soft, the way he loved me was so raw, I was feeling so vulnerable so sensitive right now. 

"Don't cry, dove," he murmured, "did I hurt you? I am so sorry."

"No, Remmy," I whispered, "you didn't. Never. It is just," I tried to form a sentence, "I love you so much, and you love me so beautifully. I am just so happy right now."

"Oh, sweetheart," he said, pressing a kiss on my head, "Let's get you cleaned up," he said pulling from me slowly, making both of us hiss at the lost contact. He summoned a cotton cloth wet with warm water. He carefully cleaned our juices from my sensitive cunt, and wiped himself. He also summoned some water and chocolate, helping me drink and pressing the chocolate in my mouth. My whole body still felt like jelly, and I barely could move, he had put on his boxers and covered my body with a sheet. As he was bending to press a kiss to my lips, our door flew open, and a scream erupted from the man entering.

"Merlin's beard, Moony had sex!" he screamed. 

"Not the first time, Siri," I said, rolling eyes at the man.

"And you are naked! Oh my Godric! You fucked my best friend!" he said, walking into the room, Remus growling at him as he touched my ankled.

"Sof off Black! Get your paws off of her!"

"Nothing I haven't seen or been in before Lupin," he teased, Remus would have charged at him if I hadn't held him by the arm and whispered his name and his eyes turned to me, gaze softening.

"Tomorrow's full moon, Siri, he is double possessive," I explained trying to sit up, Remus helping me. He pressed a kiss to my head. Sirius giggled at the way he touched me like I was made of glass. 

"Harry and I bought a few movies, up for a movie night? If you can sit after a fuck with werewolf?" he laughed, knowing exactly how sensitive I would get after a rough fuck, "put her in a warm bath, always seemed to help," he said winking at us.

***

The full moon wasn't bad this time, but Remus' clinginess increased even more after it. I personally couldn't complain, having a handsome man I was in love with all over me, at any time of the day. But Sirius was consumed with jealousy; Harry tried to give him more attention to ease his fussy attitude, but Sirius was stubborn and wanted me to give him attention and wouldn't accept anything less. Even if we never really were in love, Sirius was possessive of me too. For the longest time, he was used to having me only to himself and not sharing with anyone. Being each others' closest person for years meant we were each others' number one priority. He still was my number one priority, but Remus was too. 

I was reading on the sofa, my feet sprawled over Remus' legs. His hands massaging my calves, it was still early in the morning and seeing we stayed up late last night, Harry and Sirius were still asleep. I was savouring the first hours of the day with Remus by my side. Our piece was interrupted with Sirius coming down, his mood on the bad side. He just strolled to us and lifted me to sit behind me. His arms around me, face pressed into my hair. 

"Are you alright, hun?" I asked, rubbing his arm softly.

"I miss you," he murmured, "and he is not letting me hang out with you," he murmured, still sleepy. Sirius wasn't an early riser, and wouldn't leave his bed until he got enough sleep or had a duty to go. It was clear he didn't have an urgent task, and he still was sleepy. 

"Did you have a nightmare, Siri?" I asked softly. Remus raised his eyes at me, question in his gaze.

"Yes," Sirius nodded into my neck, pressing a kiss onto the back of it, "it was bad. You were gone."

"Would you like to take a nap together?" I murmured, asking Remus if he was alright with it with my eyes and he nodded worriedly. Sirius was always energetic and always put a strong face for everyone. It was one of the rare moments he would show his vulnerability. He just nodded and pulled me up, leading me to his room. I laid in his bed, waiting for him to join me while he out his hair into a bun. He laid on his back, pulling me to his chest. I pressed a small kiss on his peck, hand resting on his sternum, fingers drawing small shapes on his skin, following his tattoos.

"Want to talk about it?" I whispered, like hundreds of times I did before when we were young when his mother would haunt him in his sleep. He was pressing random kisses to my head and forehead, taking in my smell to calm himself down. 

"They took you away; you were gone. I don't know how or where, but I knew, I could feel you were in pain and fading. And I couldn't do anything about it. I was terrified, pet, I was terrified that I didn't have a family home anymore. Who would I have left if you'd be gone?"

"You'd always have Harry and Remmy; you know that," I murmured, resting my chin on his shoulder to look into his stormy grey eyes and sharp, handsome face. He pressed a kiss to the tip of my nose.

"It is not the same," he whispered, "you know it is not the same."

"I know everyone has a special place in all of our hearts. And no one is irreplaceable, not really. But even if you'll lose me one day, you'll never be alone or deserted." I promised him. 

"You have to be okay (Y/N), you have to be okay and in my life," he begged, closing his eyes falling asleep softly. I wrapped my arm around the man, and got comfortable on his chest, falling asleep myself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and ideas are always welcome.


	15. Too Much Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Molly! And Remus is a sweetheart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Say hi to Sirius!

I woke up to Remus curling behind my back, and I was resting on Sirius's chest, his hand enveloping mine and Remus was on my other side, his arm curled around me. He pressed a soft kiss to my shoulder realising I was awake. 

"This is nice," I murmured pressing against his chest, while still holding onto Sirius. Grey eyed man was still asleep and snoring softly. 

"You are nice," Remus whispered, "I missed you, and you were too peaceful to wake."

"You alright, Remmy?" I asked, feeling him kissing my nape.

"Just tired," he said, "but other than that, I am good."

"Sleep," I said, pulling him closer, closing my eyes, "I just want this to last longer. All three of us, in this little haven," I mumbled falling back asleep and enjoying the warmth and safety radiating from both men on my sides.

***

The second time I woke up, was to Remus and Sirius talking silently, trying not to wake me up. Remus was resting a hand over my belly while Sirius had his hand on my thigh. I was facing Sirius, while Remus still spooned me from behind. Sirius pressed a kiss to my nose, making me giggle,

"Good morning pretty," he said, breath washing my hair, Remus just squeezed my belly, kissing my shoulder.

"Feeling better?" I asked Sirius, nudging his shin with my foot. He was looking at me with a calm look on his handsome face a tiny smile gracing his lips. 

"You know I always do with you in my bed," he whispered winking, Remus groaning from behind me but not doing anything to pull me away from the man. He still was annoyed at Sirius' flirtiness, but not jealous of it. I knew he trusted me, and with Moony's instincts getting weaker after the full moon, he was back at being my sweet Remus. 

"What time is it?" I asked.

"Around 11," Remus said, "Harry will wake up soon," he said, getting up. I turned to watch the handsome man, making grabby hands at him. He rolled his eyes playfully at me and bent over to kiss me softly, but I held onto his neck, pulling him lower to deepen the kiss. That was interrupted by Sirius pushing our heads apart, "You are not making out in my bed, not without me instead," he said, which gained a kick to his knee from me. He just laughed and pinned my legs with his. 

"Remus, your girl, is assaulting me," he complained to Remus who just laughed and left. "She is your best friend," he called from the corridor. 

"You are my best friend," he said like it was the first time he realised it, as he pulled me to his body, hugging me to his fit chest. We managed to help him to put on the weight he lost in Azkaban. And the run he went every afternoon made him gain his muscle mass. I was happy how healthy he looked. I hated seeing him all miserable and tortured after Azkaban. And the change and healing he had made my heart sing. I hugged him back, knowing how much he enjoyed the physical closeness and could never get enough of it. Me being the only woman and him and other males in the house being idiotic men who thought showing physical proximity to other men would make them look stupid, limited his options of getting that comfort. 

"Thank you (Y/N)," he whispered in my hair, pressing small kisses to the side of my head, "for everything. I am not sure where I would be if you weren't in my life."

"Don't be silly Pads," I said, pressing a kiss to his jaw, "We are family you and I. We always were you know that. And you had to take care of me for how many years now? It was time that I took care of you too." I said. 

"You always took care of me," he said hand tightening around my soft hip. "You were the only thing that kept me alive for so many days, before the Azkaban and in the Azkaban." I just held him closer, trying to forget and make him forget the horrors he had to face at Azkaban, "There wasn't a day I didn't think of you, you know. I knew Remus would not believe my innocence, and I knew he trusted Peter too much to see through his game. But I knew you would feel it. You would feel and believe my innocence. I knew if I was ever to get out of that hell, you were the only one who would accept me back. I just hoped Remus and you would hold onto each other. I still need to kick his ass for leaving you like that, and he was always an idiot for the clever one of the group. He just watched you for years, like an idiot. He loved you, and I knew he did. I could see it, but he always refused."

"It is in the past Siri," I said, not wanting to remember the times I cried over Remus, "You are here now, he is too. We all are together. And I couldn't be happier. I wish we hadn't lost 12 years, James and Lils and your freedom. But I am happy where we are now. I am glad to be here with you and Rem and Harry."

***

Harry and Remus were preparing breakfast together when we came down from upstairs. He still had my hand in his. Harry smiled, seeing us and said good morning to me, giving a kiss on the cheek. "Morning, darling," I said hugging the boy as Sirius went to help Remus. 

"Did you sleep well?" I asked, resting my arms on his shoulders. He was beaming at me, "I wanted to thank you," he whispered. Red tinting his cheeks as he smiled at me, "I love staying here. I never lived this nice, any summer ever. My aunt wouldn't let anyone else take me, and I still don't know how you managed that. I just," he stuttered, "thank you," he said, giving me an enormous hug.

"Oh Harry," I said feeling overwhelmed with emotion, and hugging him back, "Sirius is legally your family, he is your godfather and considering he is my family, you are my family. And I am sorry for not being here for you, but there are things I can't tell you until you are older. Just know that I will always be there for you now. So will Sirius and Remus." I promised him as Remus called us for breakfast.

"Can I ask one more thing?" he asked shyly.

"Anything."

"Can Ron and Mrs Weasley visit? She said she needed to talk with you about something," he said shyly, ready for rejection. Petunia probably never let him any of his friends over.

"Of course they can Harry, you can also invite Hermione if you want. I can pick her up or talk with her parents. They can stay over if you want." 

"Who?" Sirius asked watching us.

"Ron and Hermione. Mrs Weasley said she needed to talk with me; they'll visit soon with Ron." I explained, 

***

Molly Weasley was an incredible woman. I never spent time with her before, but from the moment she entered the house, she pulled me into a bone-crushing hug, "Oh darling, it is incredible to meet you. Harry said so many things about you. You are such an angel for saving him from those evil people." She said, pressing me to herself.

"It is nice to meet you, Mrs Weasley," I beamed at her. "It is just Molly, dear," she said. Ron was standing right behind his mother looking at me shyly.

"Hello, Professor," he said, giving me a smile.

"Just call me (Y/N), Ron. I am no longer your professor," I said, ruffling his hair, "Harry is at the back with Remus and Sirius. You can join them," I said, showing him the way. Harry hearing us, came running inside and Molly and I watched the boys hugging. 

"Hello Mrs Weasley," Harry greeted her, pulling Ron out. 

"He is glowing," she said, resting a hand on my forearm, "I never saw him this happy and comfortable after any summer," she noted. I couldn't stop my lips curling upwards.

"He is an amazing boy," I said, "He deserves the best."

"It seems like he got it," she teased me, "How have you been dealing with all three? I know living in a house full of men could get tiring," she smiled.

"Oh no, it has been great actually. I have been alone for more than a decade and living with two old friends and the boy who would be my nephew in a different life. I just enjoy being around them."

"You and Remus are a couple I believe," she said softly, and I nodded, "Ron said you two had an unusual bond. He didn't give many details, but he blurted out the night you freed Sirius. His wolf doesn't attack you."

"He likes me quite a bit," I admitted, "and he is such a sweet man. I know some are afraid of him, but I wish they could see him as I do," she just laughed. 

"I don't think that love. I wouldn't like any other people looking at my Arthur like I do," I laughed at her teasing. And we went to prepare tea and some snacks for boys. 

"Need help?" I heard Sirius' voice as one of his hands rested against my waist. Molly's brows lifted at his close proximity. And they greeted each other, Sirius not trying to hide his affection. Sirius carried the cups and tea as we were preparing the snacks.

"You and Sirius are?" she questioned, I couldn't hear any judgement in her voice just curiosity.

"Close friends, family," I answered, "We always were close and both of us being alone in our heads for last years pushed us closer."

"And Remus is not bothered?"

"Only at full moons. He knows I love him, and we would never betray his trust like that."

"It doesn't have to be a betrayal, dear. You know there are various types of love and relationships. Even Muggles have them. We have magic in our lives; an unconventional love won't be the worst thing to happen," she suggested. Making me blush at the thought. 

***

I was sitting next to Remus as his arm rested around my shoulders, Sirius on my other side. And Molly on the single-seat watching the two men sitting close to me, my hand in Remus' and Sirius' fingertips drawing random shapes on my knee. Her eyes were glinting with joy and excitement.

"By the way," she said, gaining our attention, "Arthur will take the kids to the Quidditch World Cup in late August. If Harry wanted to join them, or if you three wanted to join?" I knew Sirius wasn't that comfortable with large crowds yet and Remus wasn't really that interested in Quidditch. 

"Thank you so much for your invitation," I said, "I am sure Harry would be glad to spend time with Mr Weasley and the kids, but I think two ex-professors joining the camp is not much fun," I said. She nodded understandingly and gave me a discreet look.

"That is alright, dear. It also will give you three some time to rest from life with children," she said, teasing.

***

Molly's words were still nagging me. Every time I kissed Remus, every time Sirius touched me, I was reminded of her words. The possible scenarios were running through my head. And it was not bad. It was not weird. It was not crazy. I wanted that. I wanted to be with both of them. I wanted to love and be loved by both of them. I knew both of them noticed the weirdness in my mood, and both tried to ask me what was wrong when they caught me alone, but I wasn't ready to tell them yet. I started noticing the silent conversations they had about me. But acted like I didn't. Remus was kissing me and hugging me more often, afraid I was slipping back into depression. I knew Severus mentioned both of them about the first four years of Sirius' imprisonment. The depression and self-harm I put myself through. And I knew Remus was blaming himself for that time and was trying to prevent it from repeating again. 

I couldn't escape answering them any longer; Harry was to stay with Weasleys' this weekend. But I had to talk with Remus first. We were laying, him spooning me from behind, his dick still in me—his chest heaving and beating my back with every breath. He rubbed my upper thighs, lips pressed on my pulse point. 

"I need to tell you something," I whispered, his arm around my chest tightened, my tits spilling around it.

"Anything love," he said, pressing a long kiss to my head, and I turned to face him pushing his dick off me, seeds spilling. 

"Let me clean you first," he murmured, getting up quickly. It took him a few minutes to clean me, make me drink some water and helping me into his T-shirt. And he was sitting next to me, holding my hand in his, eyes soft and worried. 

"I am not sure how to tell it," I said, "I am not sure how you'll take it," I said.

"It is okay love. You can tell me anything you want. You know you can. I will not judge you or be upset with you. Never," he promised. 

"Molly and I talked when she visited. And she made me realised something," I whispered, "And I feel so stupid. I never noticed it. And she saw it at first glance."

"What is it, love?"

"I love Sirius. I am in love with him," I murmured. I could see the heartbreak in his eyes, "Oh," he whispered, voice shaking.

"But I am in love with you too," I said, his eyes widening at me.

"Oh?" he questioned; I knew he was confused.

"I love both of you. I am in love with both of you. And I cannot choose. I can't live a life that one of you won't be in it. I can't have a life where you or Sirius are not beside me. And I don't know what to do. I thought it was a friendship between him and I because the love I feel for you is different. You are my first real love; you know that, so I don't know, I guess I thought that being in love is the same sensation, the subject of it does not matter. But I was wrong. Molly pointed that out. She opened my eyes, and that is what I have been thinking since then, this is what is bothering me. I am in love with both of you so bad, and I am so scared Remmy. I am afraid that I will lose both of you and stay alone again." 

He tugged my hands softly, forcing me to face him, a small smile gracing his lips, "Darling, this shouldn't be bothering you, it is not something that should bother you at all. We both knew you loved Sirius it is nothing new. And I mean, we all three are living together. You two are always joined him at the hip. The only difference between you and my relationship and your relationship with me is that you two do not kiss on the mouth and have sex. A romantic relationship is not only these, but it is also the connection, the love. Just because you do these things only with me, doesn't mean you are not romantically involved with Sirius all this time," he said thumbs brushing my wrists gently.

"You mean? You were letting me have a relationship with Sirius all this time?" I was shocked.

"Darling girl, you have been in a relationship with Sirius for years now, he was letting me have a relationship with you. But knowing him, he too probably was unaware."

"And you are okay with that?"

"It is unconventional. It is not something you are used to, but I am a werewolf, he is an illegal animagus who escaped Azkaban. I mean our lives with or without this are pretty unconventional and unused too. And I know that your heart was always too huge for your body. You always gave your love in tons to people you loved. As long as I have you in my life, as long as I have the honour of being loved by you, and the person I have to share you with is Sirius, I have no issues with it. I always shared you with Sirius and living here with the two of you these past weeks, were the happiest most content times of my life. I wouldn't change that feeling to anything else, ever." he said, pressing a kiss to my hand, "Also, I love Sirius too. Maybe not the way you do, but he is the closest person I have, after you, of course. And I trust him with your heart and mine."

"But," I stuttered, "but you are, you were always jealous? You didn't want him to touch me."

"On full moons," he corrected, "on full moons when Moony came. He sees you as his mate. And wolves are possessive you know that. He was jealous. He still is. But I think you could make him understand. He is jealous of me too. It is complicated, I am not sure if I can explain it, but he thinks I am not letting him spend enough time with you," he laughed.

"Remmy," I murmured, "are you saying that? Can we? I?" my head was spinning from excitement. He gave a soft laugh and pulled me towards him,

"The three of us can be together? Yes. But we will rest now. We can talk with Sirius tomorrow after he drops Harry to Weasleys."

"Are you sure? Will you be okay? Promise me you won't get hurt?"

"I won't be darling. You could never hurt me because you love Sirius. I shared everything with Sirius. My pain, my horror, my childhood. I can share you with him too. I already do every day. So what if you will be more intimate physically? He already is in your heart. And that is the most intimate any person can get to another. As long as you are happy and he won't hurt you, I will be okay and happy because I also will be right next to you."

"I love you so much," I sobbed jumping to him to give him a hug. He laughed, wrapping his arms around me, laying down with me on top of him.

"I love you too, my love. But you need to rest now. You have been torturing your pretty head for a while now. You need some rest and peace." he whispered, letting me sleep on top of him listening to his breath mingling in mine.


	16. A Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was horny then love thirsty, forgive me.

We were waiting for Sirius to return from Weasley' after dropping Harry off, and I was full of anxiety. Remus was amused by my state, and it was making annoying me. He just pulled me into his lap and kept drinking tea, pushing a big chunk of chocolate into my lips. 

"It is just Sirius, (Y/N). The same guy turns to a dog and asks you to rub his belly. All three of us already know everything about each other, And went through so many things. And the guy loves you; he has been in love with you since he laid eyes on you. Believe me; I know the feeling," he said, kissing me softly. I wrapped my arms around his shoulder, curling into him. 

"Thank you," I whispered, "I love you."

"I love you too sweet girl," he whispered.

***

I was still on Remus' lap when Sirius' entered the house screaming "Honey, I am home!". Remus squeezed my waist, and I got up to greet him. 

"Hey, gorgeous," he said, hugging me and laughed when I clung to him, "I was gone for an hour," he said, squeezing me to his body.

"I need to talk to you," I said, looking into his stormy eyes, "We need to talk to you," I said, resting my palms on his chest. His brow creased in worry and seeing my anxiety, he nudged my temple with his nose and led me to the living room where Remus was sitting calm as ever. 

"Are you pregnant?" Sirius whispered, and I nearly chocked in my own spit. 

"No!"

"Are you breaking up with Remus?"

"No!"

"Are you kicking me out?"

"Hell no!"

"Then what?" he said stressed just like me.

"This!" I said, pulling him into me by the lapels of his shirt and kissed him, hard. He moaned into my mouth, pressing me into him before pushing me back. Remus was leaning at the door soft smile on his lips. 

"Remus! It was an accident, I swear, it was my fault!" Sirius exclaimed. Making Remus laugh and me slapping Sirius' arm. 

"I thought we were going to talk?" Remus asked, moving into the kitchen.

"What?" Sirius said eyes wider than I have ever seen. 

"He was being an idiot," I explained looking at Remus softly.

"What!" 

"He is an idiot," Remus said chuckling at Sirius face which was drained of all colour.

"I think I am going to pass out," he said, leaning into a wall.

"You broke him," Remus said carrying 3 cups of tea to the living room, and I just pulled Sirius by his arm there. 

"Are you going to kill me?" Sirius asked Remus, "Is that why you are so calm? Am I dead next full moon?"

"Why would I kill you?" Remus asked, amused. 

"I kissed your girlfriend," he said, trying to sit on the single sit, but I pulled him to my other side on the sofa.

"She kissed you," Remus said.

"No! I did," Sirius said, Merlin, I would slap the guy if I didn't love him. 

"Sirius," I said, turning to him, a protective look in his eyes, he would sacrifice his friendship with Remus to protect my relationship.

"I did kiss you, Sirius," I said, rubbing his hand, "and it is okay."

"But you, Remus? What?" he said, overwhelmed. 

"That's what we need to talk about, Siri," I said softly trying to calm him down. 

"Are we having a threesome?" he asked, trying to hide his excitement.

"Sort of," I said. And his eyes grew even bigger. 

"Just tell him, before he will have a heart attack," Remus said.

"I think I am having one, right now," Sirius said. 

"Do you love me?" I asked. His gaze softened, hands covering mine in a soft hold. 

"Of course I do, more than everything, you are my family you know that," he said.

"Are you in love with me?" I asked.

"(Y/N), I..." he blushed, "Remus is here. And I, you are happy," he mumbled not meeting my eyes. 

"I am in love with you," I said. His head shot up looking at me in shock. 

"She doesn't mean it, Remus, she loves you, not me," he said.

"She does mean it," Remus said coolly.

"I am in love with Remus, too," I said.

"I feel drunk, am I drunk? What the bloody hell is happening?"

"I am in love with both of you. And Remus knows it and is okay with it. The question is, are you in love with me?" I asked. I was feeling vulnerable and was afraid of rejection, but Remus' presence behind me gave me the confidence I needed.

"I am," he whispered, "for years. But it is okay; I am happy as long as you are in my life. It is enough, always was. I know you love Remus; you always did. And I am happy for you. If someone deserves your love, it is him."

"Stop with self-pity card Sirius," Remus said with annoyance, "also (Y/N) is not some toy that we can't share. She is the most amazing woman we both have had the chance to met in our whole lives. And she has big enough heart to love both of us. I always knew you both were in love, but she was distracted with her feeling towards me and society's norms and you with you dramatic self, then Azkaban. We talked about this, and all three of us had though enough lives, I think at this point we would be idiots to deny any happiness from our lives. So what do you think about dating her? All three of us would be in a relationship."

"I," Sirius said, shock evident on his handsome face, "Are you sure?" he asked Remus, "I would be crazy to say no. She is my heart and soul, but I know how much you love her. Are you okay sharing her, with me?"

"Sirius, I already share her with you. Just because you'll kiss her more and have sex with her, doesn't change things. You always were in her heart. I know it is not usual, and it will be tough during full moons, but we can manage that."

"How about you?" Sirius turned to me, "Are you comfortable with this?"

"I am the one who is in love with two men Siri. I think I am the last person who is uncomfortable." I said, holding both of their hands. 

"So Sirius," Remus said, "Are you in? Or am I going to have to console her tonight?"

"Can I kiss her?"

"Not my question to answer," Remus said. Smart man. I just pulled him towards me and kissed him. This time he didn't pull away, his hands finding their way onto my butt. The moment he left my lips, I turned to kiss Remus, his hand on my waist. 

"When can we have that threesome?" Sirius asked, stopping my kiss with Remus and making me look at the man under me. He looked interested. 

***

I was laying naked on the bed as Sirius was between my legs, his lips and tongues attacking my clit and entrance while his fingers pushed inside me softly. I forgot how good Sirius was at eating me out. Remus was in his trunks right next to me; he was kissing me and playing with my boobs. I was close, and Sirius knew it, which made his attacks on my already sensitive clit more intense. Remus' hands on me were making me extremely aware of both men and their love on my body. The orgasm came blindingly insane. And Sirius, being the asshole he is, didn't stop, he kept sucking on my clit and adding a finger inside me. Which started a second orgasm before I could come down from the first one. For a moment, I lost my conscience and opened my eyes to Remus' sweet and worried face. And Sirius' smirking face from between my legs.

"You are not allowed to do that," Remus scolded him, "you are not allowed to kill our girlfriend for an orgasm."

"That would be a way to go," Sirius said, pressing a kiss to my inner thigh. 

"You still taste amazing, sweet girl," he said, kissing me on the lips, I could taste myself on his lips. 

"You feeling alright, dove?" Remus asked, patting my belly. 

"I want you, both." I murmured, suddenly shy. 

"How do we do this?" Sirius asked. His fingers were rubbing my hipbones.

"How do you want us pretty?" Remus asked, combing my hair with his fingers, "We don't have to do it all together. You and Sirius can go now. You and me later?" 

"Can I?" I whispered, averting my gaze.

"Talk sweet girl," Sirius encouraged me, "you know you can tell us everything. Anything that you want. And it is yours."

"I want you to fuck me," I said shyly, "and you to fuck my mouth," I continued looking at Remus. And in a flash, I was on my knees, Sirius thrusting into me from behind while Remus was pushing into my mouth. Merlin knows how many times I came under them. Sirius finished in me, and Remus followed him right into my mouth. And both men ran out the bed after covering my tired body in kisses. Remus cleaned me softly and helped me into one of his shirts. And Sirius helped me drink some water and some chocolate. Remus' orders most possibly. Then both of my lovers joined me in bed. Remus pulled me to his chest, as Sirius spooned me from behind. 

"You good?" He asked, kissing between my shoulder blades. I just hummed to tired and relaxed to form a full answer. Remus pressed a kiss to my forehead, watching my eyes close. I knew Sirius was also falling asleep as his arm around me got heavier. Remus just opened a book and started reading, pressing small kisses all over my head. 

***

I couldn't even imagine we would fit so well with each other. Remus was being Remus, soft, caring, gentle. Holding me, pecking my lips and head every time he saw me, and always pulling me to his chest into his warmth. Sirius' affection was more different. He would pull me into deeper kisses, squeeze my tit, smack my ass, but always whisper he loved me in a different way. The relationship between the boys was on another level. I was their common interest, well, my wellbeing was. There was twice more sex and usually with both of them. I loved it, but it also exhausted me. And they could see this. And it pushed both of them into their mother hen mode. Both of them were running around me constantly and bringing me water, tea, coffee, chocolate, whatever.

Harry took our relationship quite well, telling it was obvious this would happen, with how Sirius was talking about me. And the panic both men had when it came to me. It has kind of became an inside joke for Harry and me. Whenever they would get ridiculous, we would have an amazing laugh. Every night I would fall asleep between two men who had my heart, after a good fuck. After spending my first period with not one but two over caring men. I thought I was the luckiest woman in the world after spending my periods in Remus' care. He would always rub my lower belly, make me red berry teas, feed me even more chocolate, put heating speels on the belly part of my tops, and cuddle me all day long. Now with Sirius added to the relationship, who knew my periods since I started getting them, I broke my own record on being the luckiest woman alive. 

I woke up with pain on my lower back and stomach and feeling of stickiness between my legs. I let out a loud groan which woke both men up. 

"What's up, pet?" Sirius whispered, kissing my shoulder. Remus just sniffled the air; the full moon was in a week and a half. 

"Her period," Remus answered the question for me, "How bad is the pain darling girl?"

"A nine," I whimpered.

"I will change the sheets and prepare some pancakes," Sirius said getting up and dressing.

"That means, you and I are having a bubble bath," Remus said, lifting me in his arms. I was amazed at their sync and preparedness. So amazed that I could ignore the attack plan they probably planned about my period, Godric knows when. After the bubble bath and back massage from Remus' warm, skilled hands, I was dressed in Remus' shirt and Sirius' boxer shorts. Harry gave me a good morning cheek kiss and said he was going to play Quidditch with Weasleys'. Bill was going to pick him up. 

"Did you sent my boy out just because I am bleeding from my vagina?"

"Not really. They were going to play it on weekends but moved it a bit earlier." 

"You both are acting weird," I said. Sirius just hugged me, "Your periods are evil. And you always neglect yourself."

"Look who is talking," I said, pushing his shoulder. Remus laughed and pushed a hot chocolate in front of me, full of whipped cream, just like I loved but couldn't let myself often drink, mind the rolls and bumps. But the boys didn't seem to mind. 

It was a peaceful afternoon. Me laying on Sirius' chest, his warm slender hand massaging and rubbing my belly, while Remus held my feet. I loved how they both were bigger than me, even though I was bigger and wider than a regular woman, both of my lovers towered me and were broad enough to hold me, which affected my self-esteem positively, which was a rare occasion. Harry came to sit right beside my hips and went to hug me. The whole new relationship thing made me spend less time with Harry, and we were missing each other. He rested his torso on mine, head buried in my shoulder.

"Tired?" I asked, combing his rich brown hair, he just nodded into me. I knew both of the men were watching us. Harry was half asleep on me, but still clinging onto me, I pressed a kiss to his forehead, making him smile. 

"Want to watch a movie?" I asked him, knowing he wasn't ready to part from me and was fighting the sleep. 

"Sure," he said, Remus went to start the movie as Sirius organized cushions and moved the table to make some space, we had a big pillow fort on the floor. I was sitting between Remus' legs, leaning into his chest. And I had Sirius and Harry on my two sides. Sirius' hands were on my thighs, Harry hugging me and resting on my shoulder. I couldn't be happier than this, even on my worst day of the period, I had my boys with me, and I felt whole. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I had those two in bed at the same time, I would pass out.


	17. Mornings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some time with Harry and morning sex.

Harry and I decided to take a day off from both men in the house. We both loved both of them but spending all the time together would make anyone annoying. Remus being Remus was still very anxious, making me promise to apparate the moment I felt something off, the moment I felt uncomfortable. Sirius was telling the same things to Harry, with less anxiety and stress. After some minutes of being warned and making promises, we were out of the house. We were arm to arm as I apparated us to muggle London. Harry was excited, not going to the muggle world for quite some time now. We didn't let each other go.

"What do you feel like doing?" I asked the boy. 

"I am okay with anything really," Harry said. He always was easy going with me, "I think there is a tea shop around. We could try some new teas, buy some for Professor Lupin?" He still wasn't very comfortable with calling Remus by his name. I knew silently he still was hoping Remus to return as a Professor of DADA. 

"Sure," I said, letting him lead the way. The shop he found was a small cosy one; every wall of the shop was covered with shelves of teas. The boy knew me too well. He knew I would love the shop. And the smile gracing his cute face was showing that he was proud of his doing. We drank Cream of Almond an Indian black tea, infused with almond and milk. It has been some time since we started the relationship with Sirius and I never had the chance to talk with Harry alone. I had no idea what he was thinking about the whole situation. I knew he knew. Sirius was kissing and touching me way more than he used to, a blind man could notice the relationship. And I knew it amused him, the way both men became children when it came to me. But I never had the hearted conversation I needed with Harry. 

We were sharing a small table in the window corner of the shop. The World Cup was coming, and Harry was excited about it, his shiny eyes made me smile. 

"I need to ask you something," I said, anxiety nibbling my mind, he reached for my hand and held into it nodding. Harry was a smart boy, so he probably had an idea about what I was going to say.

"My current relationship with Sirius and Remus. I know you are aware, and I know it is weird, but I need to know. What do you think? Is it okay for you?"

"Why wouldn't it be?" he asked softly, "I know it is unusual, but doing magic is also unusual. Adapting to your new relationship was much easier than adapting to the wizarding world. It was obvious you and Sirius had something, you two always were loving towards each other. And Remus and Sirius might not have the level of love that they share with you, but they still love each other. And I know that all three of you didn't have the best lives, especially since my parents died, and I don't know any other three people that deserve each other and happiness as much as you do," he said softly, squeezing my hands. A tear escaped my eyes, and Harry gave me a soft hug. We talked a bit more about different topics. After finishing our teas and buying some teas for Remus, we went shopping for other necessities. 

We returned home late afternoon. Sirius and Remus were preparing the table, a pleasant smell surrounding the whole house. Harry helped me put the things we bought, and we joined the men at the dinner table. We told them how our days went, and they told us what they did. It was late at night when I was curled between Sirius and Remus. Remus had his arm loosely around my body, his hand right on the top of the curve of my tummy, Sirius was laying on my boobs his curly hair tied in a bun for make sake. Remus was reading us some book he was reading currently, and I was drawing random circles on Sirius's naked back, and dropped random kisses on his forehead. I remember falling asleep nose buried in Sirius' soft hair, and Remus' warmth seeping into the skin of my belly.

***

"Good morning, dove," Remus whispered, as I softly opened my eyes, irritated by the light in the room.

"What time is it Remmy?" I whispered, turning my head to the blond man's handsome scarred face. His eyes were golden in the morning light, more beautiful than ever. His gentle beauty and soft masculinity always made my heart beat faster. Remus never was a macho man, or even tried to be one, and I loved him for it. I loved his confidence in himself, which made him more attractive than any other man who acted like having a skull full of testosterone rather than a brain. The confidence he had in his personality and skills were the complete opposite of his insecurity his condition and scars. All four were just reasons that made him more irresistible in my mind. He and Sirius had a lot of differences. It was like they were each other's reflections in a mirror. They were similar in general; handsome, brave and pure. But Sirius' strengths were Remus' weaknesses and vice versa. He had confidence in his body but after years of abuse and being kicked out of his own family made him insecure in his personality. His beauty was sharp and bold, where Remus' was soft and gentle. But both were impossibly perfect in my mind and heart. And I couldn't imagine feeling more love than the times I looked at them. 

"It is just about 6," Remus said, pecking my temple softly. He caressed the thigh I threw over him in my sleep. I turned my body to his while I was sleeping, cuddled into his chest, while Sirius spooned me from behind. Sirius was still asleep; he loved to sleep and slept a lot longer since he started sharing the bed with us. He admitted that our presence helped a lot with nightmares; he rarely saw them anymore. And I always tried to stay in bed as long as I could, to protect his mind longer. Remus' hand lifted to cup my cheek, fingertips caressing the skin over my malar. 

"You look angelic in the morning light," he whispered.

"You should see yourself," I said, smiling at his blush. He still had a hard time accepting physical compliments, still didn't realize how handsome and attractive he was, and unfortunately, not only to me. 

"Hush you. Let me pamper you a bit," He said, brushing his nose against mine.

"You always pamper me, Rem," I smiled, "let me pamper you a bit?"

"It is you who always pampers me, every day, especially in full moons," he mumbled, pressing a kiss to my lips. 

"Are you two always this sappy when I am not in the room?" we heard Sirius' morning voice, as he pulled me closer to his chest. Remus huffed a laugh and pulled my hand to his lips.

"I told you we should ask him to join the relationship as the pet. Padfoot is not this grumbly," Remus smirked, which resulted in Sirius pulling me on top of his body, and separating me from Remus. Both me and Remus laughed at his childishness, but he was cutely grumpy when he just woke up. I reached to his neck, pressing kisses where he was most ticklish, and he threw me back at Remus. Thank Merlin, Remus was a strong man and easily caught me heavy body. He gave me a soft kiss on my forehead and slapped Sirius' hand away as he moved to tickle me. 

"My hero," I murmured, kissing his stubble covered jaw. Sirius stuck his bottom lip with a puppy dog look on his handsome features, I pulled him to me and wrapped my arms around him. He pressed a kiss on my sternum and lifted his face to me, Remus was laying behind me large hands resting on my hips.

"Why are we awake this bloody early?" Sirius asked.

"We just woke up," I said, "then you started being an ass."

"You two were talking," he said, "it woke me up."

"We were whispering," I said, "and I am sorry you are a sensitive little princess who wakes up at every tiny sound."

"I thought you two were getting on it and didn't want to miss it."

"You really are a dog, Black," Remus said, kissing the nape of my neck. As much as Remus also had a very appetent sexual desire, he also had a lot of sweet moments. He was in one of his sweet moods. 

"I have seen you fuck her Remus. It is not like you are not a dog for that pussy," Sirius teased, staring directly into my eyes.

"I am a dog for every part of her," Remus said, biting my shoulder softly. Sucking the skin he just bit, to ease the pain. I loved the feeling of his warm tongue on my skin. 

"You both are insatiable," I said.

"You love it. Especially when you have both of our dicks inside you. You have quite an appetite sweet girl," Sirius teased, hand finding its way into my shirt. His slender fingers, pinching and rubbing my belly and love handles. Remus' hands were firmly planted on my bum. It was too early for sex, but never too early or late to tease each other. Remus was planting his small kisses on my neck. 

"Stop," I moaned when he found the spot that made my insides jelly. Sirius laughed, watching my face changing in pleasure and Remus sucking on my sensitive flesh. 

"Why would we?" he murmured, I could feel his eyes firmly planted on my faces. Fingertips were teasing my nipples, putting them under my boobs to lift them from my torso and feeling them spilling into his palms, "I bloody love your tits," he whispered.

"They are saggy," I complained.

"They are bloody huge, pet," he murmured, "it would be weird if they grew upwards," he teased, "they are fucking soft and spill so good from our hands. And our hands are twice as big as yours. Always smell so good, taste so good," he continued, both hands on my tits now. I noticed Remus' hands passing my belly and entering my panties; his lips were still firmly pressed to my neck. I couldn't stop my moans, "Such a pretty girl," Sirius continued, "Such a sexy girl."

"Stop," I warned Sirius. I didn't like him praise me for things I wasn't.

"Stop? Well, can you stop making my dick hard?" he said, pressing his hips into me, his boner prominent pressed against my soft side. 

"Siri," I moaned as Remus' skilled fingers found my clit, coating it with my juices and rubbing it gently. 

"You always did this," Sirius said. Sliding my shirt above my chest, freeing my tits to him. And his mouth found my nipples, "Ignored how hot you are. How good you looked. Just because a number on a bloody scale, wizards don't even use. Just because you were curvier than some teenage girls, there are things I never told you, afraid you'd leave me, for someone better. I fucking had to punch so many boys at Hogwarts, at bars we went, who couldn't fucking tear their bloody eyes from your arse, your tits. So many times, I had to fight off men who wanted a taste of you," I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I never noticed, burying myself in my self-pity and body issues. 

"Siri," I moaned as I wanted answers and Remus was making me feel too good.

"Just because some boys don't want you," Remus said, letting Sirius focus on my tits, "doesn't mean men weren't dying to have you moan their name under them," he pressed a kiss to my jaw, "I was so mad for years," Remus confessed, "so mad, Sirius got to touch you the way I always wanted, his hands would slip even lower every time he touched you. I don't mind sharing you right now; I love our relationship. But, there was a time where I was dying to have what he had. The privilege to touch you, to love you," he murmured in my ear, his breath sending shivers down my whole body. Sirius' hand entered my knickers from behind, and two of his fingers entered my cunt. Sirius was finger fucking me, curling his fingers on my sweet spot, while Remus was rubbing my clit and sucking on my pulse point. At this point, I was so lost in my pleasure that I couldn't form a coherent sentence; I couldn't even call their names. They both were doing this slowly, and they were aware that I needed a release. But starting a day with teasing the hell out of me, keeping me on the edge of orgasm this long, was a perfect start for them. Pricks.

To make things worse and better for me Sirius added a third finger and Remus changed the pattern he was rubbing me. I came hard. My whole body shaking and vibrating, moaning screaming, my vision fading. When I came back to my senses, Sirius was pressing soft kisses to my face, and Remus was rubbing my thighs. Noticing my waking Remus lifted me to a seating position and gave me some water. 

"You good baby?" Sirius asked, kissing my tummy.

"You both are arseholes," I accused. Remus gave a hearty laugh and squeezed my shoulder softly.

"Ungrateful you are," Sirius said, biting my love handle, "you just had one of the best orgasms of your life."

"We should do better next time," Remus smirked at me. The smell of my juices was strong in the room. 

"Yeah, make it a bit better, and soon I will die from an orgasm," I said. I mean with the rate my heart still was beating against my ribs, a heart attack wasn't really a far option. Those men would be the death of me, and I hope they'll have fun explaining to the healers why I was wet when I died. 

"Shower?" I asked both of them.

"Can you even stand on your baby deer legs?" Sirius laughed. 

"Sod off, Black," I tugged on his curl, "My sweet Remmy will help me if I can't," I stuck my tongue at him. Remus hummed pressing a kiss to the side of my head.

"Always, dove." he murmured.


	18. A Small Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry is at Weasleys', some time with our men.

It was a week before the World Cup, and Harry was staying with Weasley's to play Quidditch and get in the spirit of it. It was weird not having Harry with ıs in the house. But both Remus and Sirius were in the mood for sex and cuddles. I barely had an hour a day without one of them having their skin pressed against mine. Both of them were affectionate, and being this close to the full moon was making Remus extremely horny. Sirius was always horny, so he had no issues. I was sore, but I loved the feeling. They both knew that taking both of them multiple times a day was taking its toll on me, so Sirius prepared a healing paste and was rubbing it between my legs whenever he felt like. In the meantime, there wasn't a place on my body that wasn't kissed. Remus was cooking; while I was laying with Sirius, I was wearing a camisole and knickers, while both of them were parading in their boxer trunks. Both of them were dreamy. Lord, they were breathtaking. 

I trailed my fingers down his tattoed chest, nails scratching the shapes of them. His slender figure was firm under my touch, his stomach flat, hip bones poking, I followed his happy trail with my fingertip. I was watching his member grow in front of my eyes. I pressed a kiss to his peck and dropped my fingers down his underwear. I swiped my finger down the soft hair of his pubes and grabbed his semi-hard dick. His length growing stiffer in my touch. He gave out a shuddering breath. I pulled his boxers down his hips and stood up on my knees. I could see his eyes grow wide, his cheeks getting pink with a blush. I gave soft kitty licks to his leaking tip, the salty taste of his pre-cum, making my core throb. I took him softly in my mouth, sucking it softly, making him groan and hold onto my bun. I sucked him until he came into my mouth, his cum running down my throat. I cleaned him up, licking his dick clean, and tucked it back to his place. He pulled me close, kissing me on the lips, moaning at his own taste.

"You are amazing, you know that?" he whispered, planting kisses on my neck. I giggled when his beard tickled my sensitive skin. 

"You are pretty awesome too, Siri, always have been," I whispered, "I love you, you know."

"I love you, too," he mumbled, grey eyes soft, his sharp features softened with love and evening sun. He brushed my nose with his and pecked my lips. 

"We never talked, about it, you know," I whispered, kissing his jaw softly, "I know you have been having nightmares, and sex is a good distraction. But I am worried about you; you are like me, you bury everything inside your head. You were there to see what it did to me; I would hate if you'd have the same fate," I murmured, brushing his curly hair back, making his face visible, even 12 years of Azkaban couldn't erase his charm and beauty, "You know you can talk to me. To Remus, too. But I know you like acting all manly when he is around. You two have a secret pissing contest. I guess that happens when there is too much testosterone in a straight relationship, or it also might be that you two are still the boys I grew up with and still trying to win my attention?" he laughed at that.

"We will always try to win your attention even when we are 100," he promised, kissing my hair, laying me on his torso, "The nightmares happen, but they are not about Azkaban or James and Lily. It is not about the past, not anymore at least. It is mostly about you. I am scared. I am terrified; something will happen to you. I am not worried this much about Harry or Remus, and no it is not about you being a woman, but you are my soul (Y/N/N). You have been my soul since we have been 13. You are the only person who knows the real real me. You know things I couldn't tell Remus or James. And, Merlin, they were my best mates. They knew everything about me. Or so I thought. I thought I told them everything, and I did; I told them everything that happened to me and how it made me feel. But the first moment I got to talk to you, really talk to you, I was giving away the secrets I didn't know I had, the fears the hopes I had. You always had that effect on me. You made me into an open book with commentary included; I couldn't hide anything from you, I didn't want to hide anything from you. And know that we have this, you, Moony and me. Now that I know real happiness and you are the major factor in it, and if I lose you, I lose everything. And I don't know if I will be able to live in a world where you don't exist anymore, where I know no matter how long I'll wait, no matter how far I'll go I won't be able to find you. I never was afraid of death; you know that we both had times when we wanted death. Even then, I was scared of yours. But right now I am terrified of it; I am terrified of the possibility that it will take you away somewhere I can't follow or just know that you are okay. I can live with this relationship ending, you deciding to continue with just Remus, or any other man or woman. I know you'll be somewhere on this planet, alive, breathing, happy. But if you'll die before me sweetheart, especially this young, even without your whole head getting white, I can't live with it, stay sane. That's the nightmares. Some nights I see you dead, bleeding, broken, tortured. Having you in my arms helps, listening to hear your breath just next to me, your soft body pressed to me. Remus also helps, I know that even if I won't be able to be there for you, protect you, I know Remus will. Hell, even Harry will, if he were a couple of years older we would have an issue. But still, you are so precious, darling girl. I can't lose you," he whispered. He was such a beautiful man with such a big beautiful heart. Salazar, I could never be worthy of his love when he was this perfect. 

"Sirius, baby," I said, pulling him to my chest, pressing a kiss to his soft hair, "I love you so much," I said wiping the tears falling from his cloudy eyes. 

"I love you too," he murmured. 

"We live in terrible times, once again. And no matter what I say, no matter how many promises I make, there is no guarantee. I love our life with you, with my two men and my sweet boy. But, we can't hide forever, there is a war approaching, and we both know you, me and Remmy will be on the frontlines. We have to protect Harry; we have to protect every child, so they won't have to do the things we did. So they can stay children for a bit longer. And I can't deny, I am terrified too, to lose you, to lose Remmy. But life is shitty and dangerous. But until something like that happens, we have each other. Even if one of us will die, we will have each other in our hearts in our memories. No one truly dies, Siri, you know that we kept James, Lily, Marlene, Dorcas and so many more alive in our hearts for 13 years now, we can keep each other too."

***

"You have been down lately," a velvety voice whispered in my ear, long arms wrapped around my soft belly, as I was leaning from the window, watching the street below us. Warm lips pressed to the point where my neck and shoulder connected, Remus' moustache tickling. Both of my men had great facial hair, which didn't only highlight their handsomeness but also gave them an advantage when they kissed me or ate me out. And they were aware of it, using it in their benefit. 

"I have a bad feeling," I admitted.

"Like anxiety or the ones you have have?"

"Second," I admitted, "something bad is going to happen, Remmy. I am scared."

"Whatever it is, we will handle it. You know we will."

"Remmy," I whispered, "are you happy?"

"Of course I am darling," he said, "I would be an ungrateful man if I weren't, wouldn't I be?"

"I have been trying something," I whispered.

"If it is a diet, I will feed you with all my chocolate. Neither I nor Sirius will let you murder these curves, especially those tits and ass."

"No," I laughed at his silliness, "I have been trying something related to magic."

"Dove?" he asked, his hands tighter on my hips.

"I have been trying to create a spell," I admitted, his breath hitched.

"(Y/N)."

"I know. It is dangerous. But I have been thinking. And I am tired of living under the fear of Death Eaters and Voldemort. I have an idea of how to end it all at once. It is not finished; I am still working on it. But if it will work, it will be over once and forever."

"You are the smartest witch I know, and you are a living legend when it comes to the defence against dark arts and charms. I know you are capable, but I also know how bad you force yourself to things and give up on yourself. I beg you to be careful, and I ask you not to harm yourself to save us. If you find a solution to this, like this, it will be fantastic, and you will make something that will save lives. But your life also matters, Merlin it is wrong to say in a situation like this, especially since we saw the destruction of war first handed, but your life is worth millions to me. I know it is selfish, I know it is cruel, but it is. I love you, and I would sacrifice millions just to hold you longer. But I also know you are capable of amazing things, you are capable of saving lives, I saw you saving people I know tens of people who are alive because you saved them. Just remember to ask help when it gets too much, technically or mentally, I will help you however you need me to. Sirius will feel the same, but maybe don't tell him yet. He is much more dependent on you than I am, and he already is scared of you getting hurt, until you make sure of the spell."

***

It was after the full moon, and Remus and Sirius just returned from it, both men tired but not hurt. Moony accepted Sirius as a partner too, even though he saw only me as his mate, he was okay with sharing, if it was Sirius. And he was less aggressive, the atmosphere of our home fixing his mood and anger, the sex probably also helped. I pushed both of them into the tub, which was half a pool really, not as big as a prefects' tub but still comfortably fitting me and my two men with me. They were half asleep but awake enough, just heavily sleepy, I wasn't in the tub as I was determinant on cleaning them. I was standing right behind them washing their hair, massaging their scalp, which made them purr, softies they are. I helped them wash their bodies with warm water, and after them getting dressed in their underwear and me in Remus' shirt, as it was much larger than Sirius' and fit me more loosely, we were laying together under the sheets. Both of them fell asleep the moment their arms were around me, and I followed them a few moments later, staying awake all night taking its toll on me finally.

***

"You better, Remmy?" I asked bringing the man a large cup of hot chocolate, with extra melted chocolate. He pulled me to his lap as I tried to sit next to him and pressed his face into my chest, taking a deep breath.

"I am always better when you are here," he mumbled, it was the afternoon of the day after the full moon, we woke up late as we went to sleep at seven in the morning. Sirius was still asleep being the beauty queen he is.   
"Such a sweet man, with words like honey," I whispered leaning in to press my lips to his, he gave a soft laugh and kissed back, lips tasting of chocolate and whipped cream. God if this man were a desert, he would be world-famous. His free hand went down my bottom and thighs, rubbing the bare skin, softly running his fingers over the hair on my upper thighs.

"How are you so soft everywhere?" he murmured to himself, "you always amaze me, such a soft, delicate creature with me. With Sirius."

"What is wrong with being with you?" I asked, afraid he was in one of his moods where he saw himself as a monster. I hated that mood, especially this man, was the farthest things from a monster. This amazing, wonderful man was more human than all of the people who called him, thought of him as a monster. Merlin knows, even Moony himself was not really a monster in my mind. Well, it wasn't hard for me to think that when he acted like a giant puppy when he saw me. 

"It is not that," he said, noticing the caution I held in my eyes, "you are just ethereal. You have gone through so many things, mostly because of us, you fight with demons in your head but still are so skilled in protecting me and Sirius the ones we have in our minds. You are beautiful, I know you doubt your physical beauty, you have a hard time accepting and loving your body but you just like all of us have a human body. The human body is gross when you think of it full of sticky liquids and such," he laughed softly and made me laugh too with giving me Eskimo kisses, "you don't like your skin, your flesh, because they are more elastic than you'd like, more scarred, decorated with stretch marks, loose skin and such but you are human, love. It is the most normal thing to have those things. Look at me, and I am covered in scars, everywhere, I also have a pretty soft tummy, and I am not the strongest most muscled man in the world. I am just a regular man who is damaged. But you still love me, and you see me beautiful. Look at Sirius he has been the most attractive man we know since we met him, and even he has stretch marks because he grew. Like all of us. He grew, and his skin couldn't keep up with him sometimes, just like yours," he pressed a soft kiss on my head, taking a sip of his chocolate, "you are ethereal. In my mind, you are like the softest the rarest silk and Sirius, and I are the cheapest roughest felt fabric. How did we end up in the same tailors, only Merlin knows."

"Remmy?" I asked, confused. 

"I just can't believe we are with you," he whispered, "such a pretty girl with pricky lads like us."

"Oh, you two are the best men I have ever met like you don't know."

"No man can be good enough to be worth a piece of your hair," he said, pulling me once more into an intense kiss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am open for requests!


	19. Mother's Heart v Boarding School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of time at home after Harry is back at Hogwarts.

I woke up with Sirius' nudging me softly, whispering my name with worry in his voice. I woke up and sat up, and he pulled me into himself, pressing me to his chest. 

"I need you to stay calm," he whispered, Remus wasn't in the room, but I could hear his voice he was talking with someone. Sirius' hands were placed on my cheeks; a soft peck pressed to my lips, I still wasn't fully awake, but I was starting to wake up, "The World Cup was attacked, by Death Eaters," he whispered. My breath hitched. 

"Harry," I whispered getting up from the bed, Sirius held me and gave me a hug.

"He is at the Burrow; he is okay. Dress up, and we can go there," Sirius said, kissing my hair softly. I dressed in an oversized dress, the first one I could find. And pulled Sirius out of the room, Remus was already dressed and talking with a tall ginger man. He saw my teary face and pulled me into his body,

"This is Bill, Molly and Arthur's oldest," he said, the young man gave me a soft smile and a nod. After Remus introduced Sirius and me, we flood to the Burrow. 

"Harry!" I said the moment I saw his dark brown mop of hair, he lifted his head, and his large green eyes met mine, as the boy ran to me. I hugged him close, pressing a kiss to the top of his hair. His arms were tight around my waist, as I held onto his shoulders.

"Are you okay?" I whispered, voice shaking with worry. He nodded, but I could see how shocked he was. I didn't let him go, even after the hug was over, his arm was around my back, mine around his shoulders. I saw Hermione and Ron and gave them side hugs as Harry still was clinging to me. 

"Are you okay?" I asked them, and they nodded—Hermione's eyes on Harry. Remus and Sirius also came to embrace the boy, and I went to check in with the twins and Ginny, but Harry found me quickly, linking his fingers with mine. I held his hand all night, as Molly gave all of us tea and biscuits and Arthur told us what happened. We took Harry back, but he still was clinging to me, he still didn't utter a word, and I was worried. I left Remus and Sirius at our room, as I decided to sleep with Harry tonight. He visibly relaxed when he saw me on his door, and I slid down next to him on his twin bed. I hugged the boy from behind, pressing my lips to his slender shoulder.

"What happened baby?" I asked him, his grip on my hands tightened. He shuffled closer to me.

"I saw someone," he whispered, "a man, tall, slender. He did the Death Eaters' sign."

"They won't touch you," I promised, "I won't let them. I know you were scared. I am sorry I wasn't there with you. But none of the Death Eaters' will touch you. We defeated them once; we can defeat them again."

"Can we?" he whispered.

"I have been studying Dark Arts like a madwoman for the last 12 years, Harry. I have many new tricks that will make them regret everything they did today and 12 years ago," I promised with determination.

"Promise me you won't get hurt," he whispered, I could hear the tears in his voice, "I can't lose you too (Y/N). You are the closest thing I have to a mother," he sobbed, facing me.

"Oh my sweet boy," I said, pulling him to myself, letting him cry on my shoulder. I rubbed his back softly, letting him get out the pain and fear he lived through today and all his short life, "I will always be with you. You know that. And I will protect you. We are stronger now, so what if Voldemort is back? Such a great wizard he is, can't even grow himself a nose back," I said, making him chuckle between his tears, "Everything will get better, I promise," I said brushing his hair with my fingers until he fell asleep and I fell asleep too.

***

Sending Harry back to Hogwarts was tough for me. Sirius and I were at the King's Cross to say our goodbyes. 

"The moment something feels weird, owl me, floo me, whatever, just let me know," I said hugging him close. 

"I will," he promised, "Stay safe?" he asked, looking at me with soft eyes.

"I have two guard dogs; you stay safe," I said. As Sirius bumped my shoulder with his,

"I love you too, dear," he laughed. And gave the boy a firm hug.

"Be careful, Harry. You don't want her to go into panic mode. She will kick my ass from her anxiety," he joked, pulling me under his arm.

After the train left, Sirius put his arm around my waist, pulling me into a kiss, "He will be okay," he promised, "And I will make sure that you are okay."

"A war is approaching, Siri," I sighed, he pulled me to his solid body. Pressing a kiss to my temple.

"We have each other; we are stronger," he said.

"Promise me," I said, "Promise me you won't act reckless, you will be careful all the time," knowing him and his tendencies, I needed to be sure, "You are not the man you used to be anymore. You need to do better; I can't tell Harry that his godfather didn't make it, because he was a reckless arsehole, and was acting like a mad man. The boy needs you; I need you. I lost you for 12 years; I can't take it again." He nodded, silver eyes foggy with tears.

***

I was laying on the floor, in the middle of the living room. The spell I was working on was draining me, and I didn't have the power to go to our room. Both Remus and Sirius were out to meet with Arthur, and there was no one to at the house. I rested my arms over my eyes, trying to block the light and the headache from the overuse of my magic. I have no idea how long I laid there, or when I fell asleep. But I woke up to two strong arms lifting me, a chocolaty smell surrounded me and I knew it was Remus.

"You gave Sirius a heart attack," he said, seeing I was awake, "he thought you died in the middle of the living room." 

"I exhausted myself," I explained, still fatigued. But his presence was giving me joy and power. 

"Trying with the spell?" he asked, and I nodded, "how is it going?"

"Impossible to tell without trying on real Death Eaters," I confessed.

"Darling," he took a deep breath, putting me under the covers, pressing a kiss to my lips, "it is not worth more than your wellbeing. We can fight with regular charms."

"No, Remmy. I know I can do this, I know it can change the war," I whispered. Determined but half asleep already.

"Of course, you can do it (Y/N). You are the most brilliant witch I have ever met. You are talented, especially in defence against dark arts, but still, it is not worth hurting yourself. It is selfish of me, but I care about you too much to lose you even if for a thing this important," he said pressing a kiss to my head and brushed my hair until I fell asleep.

***

I woke up to see a mop of shiny curly black hair in front of my face, Sirius' face was buried in my chest, arms around me, holding me impossibly close to him. 

"Remus told me," he whispered, I could feel his warm breath on my tits as he spoke, his lips brushing random spots as they moved, "It is dangerous," he noted, squeezing me, "but I know you are careful," he murmured and lifted his face, leaning in to capture my lips. I kissed him back, catching his sharp cheek in my hand. Even age couldn't erase his sharply sculptured handsomeness. His stormy eyes were still looking directly into my soul; his confident smirk still made my heart ache. 

"I can't let them hurt anyone else, Siri, especially Harry," I said, "I can't let them take anyone else from me."

"I know sweer girl," he said, "I know. They took years from us," he nodded, moving his lips to my neck, sucking my pulse softly. I moaned when he bit and licked my sensitive spot. He laughed into my neck, moving down to my shoulder, pushing my collar down, opening my bare shoulder to his reach. His hands were firmly planted on my hip; it wasn't a sex moment; it was enjoying each other's presence at the moment. He was fighting the fear of losing me by reminding himself that I was there. 

"I love you; I love you so much," he murmured, nibbling on my collarbone, making me laugh.

"You act like a dog," I said, "you are literally biting on my bones."

"I am a dog!" he said, reaching to lick my jaw and tickling me at the same time, making me lose myself in laughing fit. 

***

I was thrilled when the first letter from Harry arrived; I nearly scared the owl to his death, grabbing the letters. I threw the men's letter to them and opened mine with shaking hands. I couldn't ignore the fact that my letter was much longer than theirs', I was not proud of the feeling of victory, but it was there. I couldn't stop the bad feeling growing in my chest as I read about Three Wizards' Tournament. He mentioned Ron's passion about it and that they were not allowed to drop their names, but there was a haunted feeling inside me. Merlin protect that boy. He also mentioned Yule Ball, which made me giggle to my own memories.

"You learned about the Yule Ball I see," Sirius said, nudging my side with his hip. Remus lifted his head, eyes hazy with memories a gentle smile on his lips. 

"It was pretty clear we would end up here even back then, huh?" I asked. We went as friends, Sirius asked me first, and I begged Remus to also come from us, and I had two dates. I remembered dancing with them, drinking with them and how the night ended all three of us laying on Sirius' bed, me between them, resting on Remus' chest as Sirius laid on my tummy. My dress on the floor as I was wearing Sirius' t-shirt with Remus' shorts that were long enough to be pants for me. I remembered how Remus cleaned my make up with some makeup wipes that I had in their room; I was half asleep but not asleep enough not to feel his soft touch on my face. I remembered how my heart felt like bursting as he cared for me, and how Sirius' deep asleep breaths calmed me down and lulled me to sleep. 

"You looked so hot," Sirius said, squeezing my bum, "Merlin, I remember that dress. It was so bloody tight, and your tits were so full," Remus rolled his eyes, and put his arm around my shoulders, pressing a kiss to my head,

"You looked magnificent, and it was a beautiful night," he said much gentler than Sirius. 

"She looked bang-tidy," Sirius said, earning himself a slap on his head by Remus, "You can't deny that! I clearly remember seeing you ogling her arse, and your eyes followed that leg slit too many damn times," he teased, making Remus blush into a soft pink colour. 

"You looked gorgeous," he repeated, pressing me to his solid torso once more.

"You looked shaggable," Sirius said, this time from further away so Remus wouldn't be able to reach and hit him, "Still do," he said winking.

***

I was baking some brownies as Sirius was clinging to me from behind, his arms tightly wound around my tummy. It was the day after the full moon and Remus was craving chocolate. Sirius was sleepy and tired from last night of running around with Moons, but as they didn't get hurt anymore, he claimed he didn't need to rest. His chin was resting on my shoulder, as I mixed the brownie batter. 

"You can do it by magic, you know," he said, squeezing my belly. The way he did it so naturally when even I wasn't comfortable touching my belly that I hated, he did it so naturally and lovingly, without even waking any negative emotions inside me. 

"It is more therapeutic this way," I admitted, "also I like doing things for you and Remmy. Doing things for real, not just casting a spell and wait for it to finish the task." 

"You already bring peace to our lives," he murmured, "you did more than enough for us, lovely," he said turning my head to him to press a kiss to them, "stop wearing yourself out," he whispered to my lips.

***

"Molly!" I said opening door and embracing the woman, she hugged me back softly and entered out home, Sirius and Remus greeted her with a kiss on her cheek and disappearing to do whatever they were doing upstairs. 

"How have you been doing?" she asked, rubbing my back, "It has been a while since we talked. I missed having a woman around."

"You can always drop by Molly," I said, as we prepared tea for ourselves. 

"Oh, I would hate to bother you three. By the way, those men eye you constantly. I am pretty sure dropping by unexpectedly means walking into an adult situation," she laughed, making me blush. 

"Molly!" I said.

"It's a good thing, honey, you are a beautiful girl, a selfless girl. You gave Harry more happiness and content than he had all his life in a year. You deserve to be loved too. And by the way, Remus and Sirius act around you, I can say, they are pretty eager to give you all the love in the world."

"It breaks my heart, how much they had to suffer," I said softly, I always tried not to think about the times Sirius spent at Azkaban. Even remembering the first time I saw him after he escaped, skinny, bony, swimming in huge inmate uniforms, hungry and hurt. Remus alone in his transformations all those years. More than 140 transformations. I returned to reality as Molly held my hand in her warmer one,

"You also had to suffer darling," she said, "They are not the only ones who suffered. You still carry the pain, the tortures you put yourself through."

***

"Why are we doing this?" Sirius moaned as I was pulling his arm, "There are months before the Ball. Why are we doing this now?"

"Because the winter dress robes look ugly and woolly," I said, pushing him inside a store, "And my boy needs a pretty dress gown!"

"Why am I here then?"

"Because I need a second opinion. A male one!"

"Why not Remus then?"

"Because Remus is busy with his article and you always were good with fashion."

"I love Harry, I really do. But I hate shopping; I don't even shop for my own clothes!"

"Because I do that! Both for you and Remus. And, I do a decent job dressing both of you. It is also doesn't matter what you wear; Harry has girls to impress! He is a beautiful boy; he needs a beautiful dress gown."

"And I don't have girls to impress?"

"Sorry old man, not many girls are into elders with a backache."

"I don't have a backache. And I would like to remind you that I had no issue lifting your gorgeous ass last night. Also," he said before I could shush him, "I have a girl to impress. The most important girl, ever, with those voluptuous curves and angelic face," he said, pressing his lips to mine, pulling me by my waist. 

"Stop," I warned him, the shop was not very crowded, but still I wasn't comfortable with kissing Sirius in a public place. Nothing wrong with Sirius or kissing him or anyone is seeing me kissing him, but Sirius being Sirius took things into mature side pretty fast. And I didn't want to traumatise any possible children around. And as expected, his tongue made its way into my mouth, and I bit it, not too hard but also not very gently,

"Merlin, woman!" he said, pinching my hip.

"Public!" I said, pulling him to dressing gown section. 

"Now, let's find one for our boy," I said, bumping my hip to his.

"I will cooperate," he said, "but, we are going to the lingerie store next, and you'll try everything I choose."


	20. Tournament and Experimenting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry's first test!  
> And some more sex!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am in the middle of my period, excuse my horniness.

"Harry was chosen as the fourth champion!" I screamed, making both Remus and Sirius jump where they were sleeping. Remus was faster to comprehend what I said and jumped to his feet, grabbing the letter from my hand, wrapping an arm around my torso to pull me to his chest. A haunting ache spread all over my chest and soul, my heart missing a beat from anxiety that was eating me. 

"What?" Sirius mumbled. 

"Apparently someone put Harry's name in the Goblet of Fire, he was chosen as the fourth champion," Remus said, his sombre voice making the situation more real, I gripped the front of his sleeping shirt, the soft material crumpling under my fingers. Remus' hand rubbed my back, the warmth seeping from his skin and the safety of his aura, making me relax involuntarily. He pressed a kiss to my hair, "It will be okay," he whispered, "Everything will be okay."

"Who in bloody Hell would do that?" Sirius screamed, and I grabbed his arm, pulling him to myself. Remus readjusted his hold on me, to let me embrace Sirius. Sirius sank into my body, hands gripping my hips, tighter than needed but welcomed unconditionally. 

"What are we going to do?" Sirius whispered in my neck. I clung to his shoulders, hands in his hair. The softness of his curls calming me. 

"Harry is a smart boy, a strong boy," Remus said, rubbing both of our backs, "He will handle it."

***

I was laying on Sirius' chest on the sofa, Remus' hands on my feet and calves, rubbing, massaging, trying to make me feel better. Sirius was stressed just like me; he was silent, I knew he was in his head. My hand was inside his shirt, rubbing the warm flesh of his tight tummy, chest, and back. His arm was tight around my shoulders, pressing me to his body. A scene too familiar, just 12-14 years ago, on the same sofa, us cuddling after a mission, us fucking after receiving bad news, us trying to make each other forget, make each others' pain more sufferable. But this time, it was about Harry, his godson, my dearest boy and we couldn't do anything about it. 

"Let's have a bath," I mumbled, nudging Remus' chest with my foot. He just held it and pressed a kiss to my ankle. I giggled at the feel of his warm lips on the cold skin of my leg. My giggles made Sirius smile softly, the frown on his face relaxing. 

"Sure, darling girl," he said. And both men got up, Remus lifting me in his arms despite my protests, I was clinging to him like a koala, his hands cupping my ass.

"You bastard," Sirius said, earning a laugh from Remus as he squeezed my butt cheeks.

***

Laying in warm water, with Sirius between my legs, his head pressed to my chest, me the same way against Remus'.

"I am glad we ended up here," I whispered, "I can't imagine a life without the two of you," I said, burying myself deeper in Remus' broad chest, his soft chest hair ticking my shoulder, he bent down to press a kiss to my shoulder pushing my wet hair to the side. Sirius turned to me, making small waves around the water, His chest pressed to mine, lips leaning into mine, I kissed him softly, as Remus pressed soft kisses to my shoulders and neck. 

"I want to try something new," I whispered.

"What do you want to try baby?" Sirius asked, hands grabbing my tits, squeezing them, pinching them.

"I want both of you," I whispered, "inside me."

"We already did that, babes," Sirius said not quite understanding what I meant, but Remus did. His member stiffing behind me, and his hand holding on my arm showed he did, "Are you sure dove?" he asked with a soft voice, trying to repress the desire in his voice, "You have never taken anyone there?" he asked.

"What?" Sirius asked, still confused. For a man with a mind off a manslut he sure was playing dumb now, but in a few seconds his eyes grew round, a hand gripping my hip, "You want us to fuck your ass!" he shouted making me blush and hide into Remus' chest, who welcomed me with a puff at Sirius.

"I just want to feel both of you, at the same time," I tried to explain, my confidence totally gone now.

"No need to be shy, love," Remus said, caressing my cheek and lifting me to sit on his thigh, "None of us can deny the lure of the thought, but we need to make sure you won't be hurt and if you are sure of it," he said softly, brushing the stretchmarks adorning my side tummy. 

"I want this, I am sure," I nodded.

"Fuck baby girl; you always knew how to make a man fervid," he moaned reaching for me again, his lips found mine in a short but passionate kiss.

"How are we doing this?" He asked.

"Slowly," Remus said, chastised him, "Let's get you to bed first," he said lifting me in his arms, as Sirius dried all three of us with a wandless spell. Remus held me in his arms, no matter how many times the man lifted me, seeing things from his height always fascinated me. Remus laid with me in his lap, Sirius joining us a second later, both of them semi-hard, making me wet. Sirius conjured a large tube of lube, and Remus cast a cleaning spell to my butt. As Remus was more patient and gentle, he took the lube from Sirius and coated his fingers as he ordered me to lay on Sirius' lap as facing the ceiling. I was placed on his thighs, his dick pocking my tit on the side, his fingers massaging my lower back as Remus' warm and slippery with lube fingers found my puckered hole, he rubbed it before slipping a finger inside. It was weird, and tight and somehow not bad. I could feel Sirius' eyes watching Remus' actions, with low curses. 

"How does it feel darling?" Remus asked deep to his middle knuckle; I could feel everything. 

"Tight," I answered, "Full," I still was trying to understand the feeling to get used to it. Remus rubbed my thigh softly.

"Any pain?" he asked gently, even when he was horny and desperate for a release, he was gentle, caring and considerate. Even with his finger up my ass, man could make my heart sing with love and adoration.

"You look so hot," Sirius mumbled, gripping my love handles gently, "Whenever I think you can't be any more erotic, you excel every expectation and dream I could have. I can't wait to fuck you at the same time with Moony, your sweet little body between us, bloody hell, baby girl," As Sirius continued his praises, Remus added another finger, he was not finger fucking me, not yet, but massaging my walls, relaxing me, preparing me. After a third finger, I felt a little pain but was gone soon as Remus added more lube and a little bit rubbing with the tips of his fingers.

"Good?" he whispered, and I nodded.

"Which one of do you want, sweet girl?" Sirius asked, still massaging my back and shoulders, "I feel like Remus is better for this job," he added and pinched my side adding, "I already popped your other cherry. This should be his," he said. Receiving a push on the shoulder from Remus.

"Whoever you are more comfortable with darling," Remus said, his fingers still inside me, "It is no one's cherry to pop, it is your choice on who you want to do this with."

"I think it should be you, Remmy," I said. Trusting his gentleness and self-control, and the fact Sirius pointed out of him taking my virginity also affected my decision. Remus was not a man who cares about societal norms that oppressed and objectified women, he couldn't care less about my virginity and who took it, but Moons was possessive, and I didn't want him to feel excluded. 

"Of course darling," he said pulling his fingers off of me, "We still are taking it slow," he promised, pulling me off Sirius' lap, laying me on my side. Sirius laid right in front of me, his hands on my ribs, dick pocking my belly, I could feel Remus adding more lube to my ass and covering his dick with it, and slowly his head entered me. It was a different feeling, to feel that full, there. Remus was moving impossibly slow, Merlin, that man had some self-control. When he was fully inside me, he stopped.

"How are you?" he whispered right into my ear, lust and need for release clear in his voice.

"A bit full," I confessed, he wasn't a small man, especially with effects of his lycanthropy he hung heavy and long. 

"You got tighter," he said, "We will wait for a while, for you to relax," he said, kissing my shoulder. 

"I want to try something," Sirius said.

"Not yet, Sirius. Don't hurt her," Remus groaned.

"Of course I won't hurt her," he said, fingers entering my folds, after a few seconds I felt his finger brush against Remus' cock inside my ass, only my walls separating me. His touch made me more aware of Remus and made Remus groan in pleasure,

"Fuck," Sirius cursed, "I can feel you in her." I relaxed totally after a few seconds and Remus gave an experimental thrust, making me moan in ecstasy. 

"Siri," I whispered, "Fuck me, too," I moaned. He didn't need any more encouragement, and his dick entered me easily, as I was already wet with my own juices and the lube. All three of us moaned. And gradually they found a rhythm. Sirius would pull out as Remus pushed in and vice versa. I never felt so full in my life; I never felt so connected to both men. The orgasm that consumed me was like nothing I ever had in my life, and like I wasn't already shaking with pleasure, Remus reached out to rub my clit. All three of us came seconds behind each other. 

"How was it for you, darling?" Sirius asked pecking me on the lips, "Cause for us, I believe Remus would agree, euphoric," Remus nodded, kissing my shoulder.

"It was amazing," I said, not being able to control my blush, "having both of you inside me, at the same time, it felt too good."

"You are so wonderful, dove," Remus murmured, "You didn't feel any pain, have you? Were comfortable with everything?"

"Yes, it was wonderful, Remmy. You know you would never hurt me."

"You are too delicate, dove. We can't be too careful," he whispered as both of them went into their aftercare ritual, more intense this time after I was clean, watered and fed with chocolate and some strawberries, we went for a nap, limbs intervened, bodies pressed against each others'. 

***

Dumbledore let us come to Hogwarts and watch Harry's first task; we arrived on 23rd the day before the task. Harry, Ron and Hermione were waiting for us at the gates, and Harry rushed into me the moment he noticed us. I hugged him pulling the boy closer to me; he was getting almost as tall as me. I pressed a kiss to his soft cheek,

"Hello, darling," I said, ruffling his hair softly. As he was greeting Remmy and Sirius, I went to hug Ron and Hermione.

"Look at the two of you, how you grew just in a few months!" I gushed at them, making Ron blush, matching his hair. Harry was back at my side, his arm around me. 

"You look tired," he said, concern clear in his round face, it was sad seeing his baby fat melting from his cheeks every day, as he grew into a young man. 

"I was excited and worried," I said, rubbing his shoulder.

"I can handle myself," he huffed.

"I know," I said, pressing a kiss to his shoulder, "It doesn't mean I won't worry about you. You know I love you, right?"

"I know. I love you too. It is just everyone has been talking and Rita Skeeter,"

"Rita Skeeter is a leech," I scoffed, "Everyone knows that she would sell her soul for a gossip. Whatever she says, whatever she does, don't hear it."

"I know," he said, a small smile growing on his lips, hearing me calling the wench names. 

"I believe in you Harry, we all do," I promised, "but also you are very dear to my heart, and I wouldn't be able to live with myself, if anything, you hear me, anything happened to you. So promise me, no recklessness, and that you'll be careful, more careful than you ever have been in your life," I asked. And he nodded. 

***

The whole task was spent with me holding onto Remus and Sirius' arms, Remus holding my hand in his as Sirius was gripping my thigh. Harry did an extraordinary job, gave me a couple of heart attacks, but he did it. He won and stayed alive. Harry went to celebrate after we said goodbyes and I gave him the dress robes I bought for him, which made him blush and stutter. 

***

Sirius was in one of his moods, and he refused to turn into his human form, running around as Padfoot. He would tackle me to the floor and lick my whole face, and arms, resting his muzzle on my neck. 

"Pads, for Merlin's sake, let the girl live in peace," he said watching as he climbed on top of my legs, chin flat on my chest. For a dog he sure was heavy. But I loved his doggy cuddles, even though he smelt like a total dog. Pads barked at Remus, returning to lick my face.

"What's up with you?" I asked, scratching his thick fur. He just whined moving closer to me, I hugged him to my chest, letting him boop my nose with his doggy one. 

"He is an attention whore," Remus mumbled under his breath, "and you aren't?" I said, getting up to sit next to the blond man, dropping myself on his lap. Sirius following me to the couch.

"You smell like a dog," he said. 

"Blame Pads," I said, reaching for his lips, his hands found my hips and pulled me to his core.

"Are you planning on fucking her while I am a dog? Way to take advantage of the situation Moony," He said, leaning to the wall watching me move closer to the man. It was a week before the full moon and Remus was in the mood, I could feel him growing bigger between my legs. 

"Think you can take both of us?" Remus asked, feeling my bum up. Sirius moved closer, and Remus rotated us so my ass would be facing Sirius. All of our clothes vanished with a simple spell, and Remus was rubbing my folds, experienced hands knowing exactly what to do to prepare me. Sirius had the lube in his hand, stroking himself, preparing. Remus entered me first, he gave me a couple of thrusts and helped Sirius to lube me up. And Sirius entered me. 

"You good?" Sirius whispered, pushing into me. Both of them fucking me in a perfect rhythm, my tits pressed to Remus' broad chest, and Sirius' chest pressed to my shoulder blades, Remus' lips on mine, Sirius' on my shoulder, Remus' hands on my love handles, Sirius' on my belly. 

***

"I think we have a problem?" I said, boneless against Remus' chest, Sirius heaving right next to us, stark naked. 

"What would that be?" Remus asked, fingers drawing circles on my back. Head resting on the back of the couch, eyes on the ceiling, his neck open in front of me, jaw prominent.

"Sex addiction?" I asked, which earned a laugh from Sirius who was half asleep. 

"Sex is healthy, baby girl," he said, "and who can say no to your cunt?"

"You are not hurt, are you (Y/N)? We weren't too rough, were we?" Remus asked, my sweet, concerned Remmy.

"Of course not Remmy, I don't think any of you could ever hurt me. You both are my sweet, gentle boys," I cooed, reaching for Sirius' hand, not liking when he left himself out. 

***

I looked at the book in front of me, I have been reading for almost 5 hours now, and letters were moving in front of me at this point. Remus was napping on the sofa as he finished his research paper and sent it with the owl and Sirius was out at a run. I was working on my spell; I wanted it to be a collective spell that would affect the Death Eaters at one shot. I needed Severus' help. He would hate it but, he was the only one who could help. I wrote him a quick letter, hoping he would drop a visit soon. 

I stood up to make coffee, hoping it would help me focus on something. As I was putting the coffee grounds into the Moka pot, Sirius entered home, sweaty and t-shirt on his hand. Sweat making his toned torso shine, tattoos visible under the dim light of the kitchen.

"Moony?" he asked as he wrapped an arm around my middle. 

"Napping and you smell," I said, pushing him off myself. He gave a hearty laugh as he moved closer.

"You love when I smell," he whispered into my ear, making me shiver, "Especially after I sweat on top of you."

"Sod off Black," I said, making him laugh harder, "Although I have to admit you smelled way worse when you were a teenage boy. At least your hormones settled, making you less of a stink bomb."

"I was a teenage boy! Of course, I smelt, or teenage boys do!"

"Remmy didn't," I said, noticing the tall man watching us from the kitchen door. 

"Of course, he did!" Sirius protested.

"He didn't," I said, which wasn't a lie. Maybe I was biased with my life long crush on the man, but he always smelled more pleasant than the other three, "I lived in your dorm room for seven years Siri, I know who smelled how. And how many times I had to clean up after your ass," I said, pocking his tummy. 

"I knew what a shower was," Remus said, moving to us, leaning into the counter nest to me.

"I did too!" Sirius whined, "I showered every day when you bunked with me," he said pocking me back. 

"Nice to know your personal hygiene was not personal but about me, Black," I laughed pouring coffee into three cups, knowing boys would want some coffee too, or I would drink theirs'. 

"Go shower, I will keep the coffee warm," I said, pushing Sirius towards the shower. A playful look graced his face,

"Maybe you should keep me warm in the shower?"


	21. Bonding Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry's second task, Severus and bonding.

I wanted to spend Christmas with Harry, but the boy had friends and Yule ball. I owled him presents and focused on the men sleeping next to me. Sirius was resting on his chest; head turned slightly towards me, a hand spread on my belly. Remus was curled into me, his face buried in my neck, his soft, warm breath brushing the skin of my collarbone. I rested one hand on Sirius', other in Remus' elbow. I felt content. Their warmth and touch relaxing me. 

I couldn't see Remus' face but enjoyed the way his stubble scratching my sensitive skin. Sirius had a handsome smile on his lips. I loved the morning with them. I loved seeing both of them so calm, relaxed, safe. I knew Remus was waking up soon, his breaths were getting less deep, and he was moving much more often. Sirius was still sleeping soundly, his curls spilling all over the pillow. I should buy him more conditioner. The current bottle was almost empty. 

I closed my eyes to listen to their breaths and soak in their warmth. And a few minutes in, open-mouthed kisses were being planted into my neck, shoulders. 

"Remmy," I whisper moaned, "morning."

"Good morning pretty dove, Merry Christmas," he whispered, pulling my face to his, pressing a soft kiss to my lips. The sun was directly shining onto his handsome face, hair and stubble golden under morning soon, eyes golden flecked. 

"Such a beautiful man," I whispered, scratching his jaw covered with stubble, "Merry Christmas, baby!" I said, pulling him into a kiss once more. He lifted himself up on his elbow and leaned over me, covering my upper half with his.

"Let's prepare a breakfast?" he asked, lust prominent in his eyes, morning wood pressing into my hip. I knew the breakfast would not be prepared for a while, but who was I to deny the man, especially on Christmas morning. And a few minutes later, I was pushed up the counter, Remus' lips between my legs, throwing me over the edge. Just as I finished cumming on the man's tongue, he rose up and thrust into me in one swift move. Just as he came in me, and I was trying to gain my breathing back after my second orgasm, we heard,

"This place stinks of sex," Sirius said, "Morning baby," he said placing a kiss to my bare shoulder, "I always loved the cum dripping out of you kind of look on you," he said as Remus pulled his pants up. Sirius was standing between my legs now. I was a mess, Remus really did fuck me up. Sirius leant into my lips. 

"Let's clean you up?" he asked, winking at Remus and lifting me in his arms. A bath was already ready and waiting for us and moment later I was laying on Sirius' bare chest. 

"Had a nice morning, baby?" he asked, rubbing my side softly, "Did Moony make you feel good?" 

"He did," I nodded.

"I love hearing your moans all over the house, a great way to wake up."

"Sorry, we didn't invite you. You were sleeping prettily," I said, reaching to the man, pressing my lips to his. He squeezed my bum, making me wince as the flesh was still raw from Remus' touch.

"He was a bit rough, huh?" he asked pressing kisses to the round of my shoulder, "It is almost the full moon," he said, pressing softer kisses to my back.

"I like it when he is rough," I confessed.

"You always liked being roughed," he laughed, "Such a hungry little girl," he whispered.

"You always were good at roughing me," I said, remembering all the times he would push me over the edge, pounding into me, eating me out.

"I loved your body. I still do, the softest fucking girl I have ever had. I loved fucking you rough but also was terrified. You are the most delicate, perfect thing I have ever met, and even the idea of hurting you terrified me. But the feeling of your body under me, your lips all over me, fuck, (Y/N), I would lose myself."

***

Christmas was spent with lots of sex, making out and cuddling. Times were dark, and we always preferred each others' company to flashy restaurants, so we were at home. 

"Are you sure you don't want to go out, dove?" Remus asked I knew he wanted to spoil me now that he had a regular income from an employer who didn't care about his lycanthropy. 

"I am Remmy," I promised, moving to sit on his lap, Sirius was at kitchen making mulled wine, "You know I don't like flashy things. I'd much rather spend my time cosied with my boys than sitting in the middle of a restaurant full of random people."

"You deserve being shown off, not being locked in a house with two old men," he whispered.

"We are the same age Lupin, are you calling me old?" I asked, nudging his chest with my shoulder, "I don't need to be shown off, I just need you and Siri close. And I have that. I can't ask for more."

***

Severus owled me, saying he would be visiting this evening and I had to drive a hard bargain with Sirius for him to behave. I didn't double Remus, as the man was the kindest man I knew. And smartest, knowing I needed this meeting for the spell and valued his sex life. Sirius needed a lot more work to convince him to behave. So the morning was spent with me on his lap, kissing him all over and sucking his dick. He was boneless when I left him to get dressed. 

"Put the baby to sleep?" Remus asked with my notebook in his hand. I went to the man, sitting at the armrest of the seat he was in and nodded. He leaned to me, pressing his lips to mine.

"He really is still a child," I said, hugging Remus to my chest. 

"You'd do a great mother, you know," he whispered softly, "You'd look gorgeous with a belly too," he added. Remus loved children, I knew he did, but he also thought of never having them afraid of his conditions. 

"I already am with a belly, aren't I?" I joked, nudging his cheek, "big enough to make people think I already am knocked up."

"You are beautiful," he said, pushing the thoughts inside my head, "And your body is glorious, especially your belly," he said, caressing my rolls, "You know I love kissing you all over, and it is quite handy when we shag you, ain't it?" he asked making me blush. 

"You always know what to say, don't you?" I asked, resting a cheek on his soft mop of hair, "Always so smooth, so wise."

"I wouldn't agree," he said, softly, "Most of the times, when I see you, I am speechless. In the mornings when I wake up to your sleeping face, I ask myself, 'How did I get this lucky, having a girl like you in my bed, having a happy life, relationship with you and my best friend?'. But you make it easy. You always did, you don't judge me, you don't limit me, rush me. And it is easier to talk with you because I know you listen, and you still love me even though I am a monster," I slapped his chest softly,

"You are not a monster," I corrected him.

"See," he said, "the only thing I am sorry about is that we missed so many years because I had my head in my ass. Because I made you suffer alone for years, years I can't take back, years I can't make better. But you are still here," he whispered, pressing a lingering kiss on my palm, "And I love you."

We were interrupted with stiff nods in the wall, I dropped a kiss to Remus' head, inhaling the scent of his hair, and moved to open the door. Severus was standing there, with half annoyed look on his face, which considering the man, meant he was happy. 

"Hello, Sevvy, welcome," I said softly hugging the man, who returned it with a pat on my back. Remus was standing behind my back, who greeted Severus with a handshake. 

"What did you need my assistance for?" Severus asked as Remus moved to make tea. 

"I am developing a spell," I said, "hex rather against death eaters and Voldemort. But I am not sure about how well it will work, and I want to exclude you from its sphere of influence."

"You are developing a spell with collective effect?" he asked, and I nodded, "Forget about excluding me, or its efficiency for a moment. Are you aware of how much it would take to cast such a spell? How much will it take from you?" he asked, he wasn't angry, but he seemed almost scared. 

"I can do it Sevvy."

"You can," he nodded, "I am not questioning your ability. I am not questioning if you can. I know you can. I am concerned about what will happen to you when you do that. How much of you would be left," he said, his cold fingers gripping mine. Severus was not an intimate person, even as a child, he hated hugs and touch. Him touching me without being pushed to it meant he was not concerned; he was terrified.

"I have to try," I said, squeezing his fingers back, "I have to stop this for Harry, Remmy, Siri, you, everyone. Didn't they take enough of us Sev? Didn't they take enough from us? If I succeed, I can end this. I can end all of ours' suffering. Don't we deserve it?"

"(Y/N)," he whispered, his eyes on the door watching for Remus, "it will kill you."

"I know."

***

After many discussions and me begging, Severus accepted to help. Both in development of the spell and finding a way to exclude himself from its area of effect. He promised not to worry Remus and Sirius with the risks. I knew Remus already had guesses of its side effects. It took hours of brainstorming and Sirius coming down to cook for us to end the work today. Severus promised to visit next week and find some more information on the dark mark and how to strengthen me. 

Sirius' made some pasta and meatballs, and we ate silently as I felt drained. I could see worry lingering in Sirius' eyes, but Remus just shook his head to calm him down. He knew I was alright, just tired. 

"Want to go to bed early, love?" Sirius asked softly, Remus put the spell to wash the dishes. I nodded and Sirius' arms made around my plush body, My head fell to his shoulder, and he dropped a brief kiss to my forehead. I was changed into my pyjamas by two men. Their hands gentle with my tired body. Remus sat me up after they finished dressing me, and pulled me to his cosy chest. Sirius sat behind me with a hairbrush, brushing my hair with care, and braided it in a loose braid. As I was laid under the covers, Remus' gentle hands cleaned my face with tonic and cotton pad.

"I really love you both," I murmured as I lost myself to sleep.

***

It was the week of the second task. I was restless. I was feeling uneasy. As it was coinciding with the full moon and Harry knew it, he banned us from coming as he knew how it would tear me in two. Remus was laying on the bed with me perched next to his exhausted body, dabbing on his sweaty forehead.

"I am sorry," he whispered, "I am sorry darling, I wish we could go to support Harry."

"Don't be silly Remmy," I said, pressing a kiss to his heated lips, "There is nothing to be sorry for, there is nothing you did wrong. Harry will be alright. Dumbledore said he could visit next weekend. And if I weren't here with you, all I could think would be you," I promised, kissing the flat of his hand.

"You are so beautiful," he mumbled, "You are so bloody, beautiful."

"It's you who is beautiful, and wonderful," I said, curling into his solid body. 

"I am a monster," he murmured. 

"I will kick your pretty bum when you are better Lupin," I promised, kissing his jaw, "No one calls my boyfriend a monster, especially when he is the sweetest man I know."

"You are a seraph," he whispered.

"And you are perfection."

***

It was the night of the full moon. I was worried, something didn't feel right. I couldn't sit down on my ass. I kept walking to the window. I kept watching the road. Sirius and Remus were supposed to be at the forest nearby. But something was wrong. I couldn't keep it any longer. I apparated right to the forest, focusing on the tracking charm. I sent my Patronus to find Sirius as Moons couldn't listen in this state. 

As I walked deeper into the forest, I heard a crack behind me. I turned back slowly, two figures in black robes were behind me, fuck, Death Eaters. Before any of us could even react, a wolf emerged from the bushes and jumped on the figures. Both of them disapparated in fear and wolf turned to me, Moons.

"Hi, baby," I whispered, he whimpered and moved to me. He lifted his head, smelling me all over, nudging me with his nose. 

"I am okay, baby," I promised, pressing a kiss between his ears, "You came before they could ever touch me, you protected me. Thank you," I whispered, he howled softly, and I couldn't help my smile. We heard another rushing, but Moony was relaxed, still nudging me randomly, and as he was not worried, I wasn't either. It was close to sunrise. And we saw a large black dog, running towards us. 

"Hello, Pads," I said as he came closer to us, I scratched his head. I sat down on the floor as Pads moved behind me and sat on his fours, letting me lean on his warm body and Moons, laid his head on my thigh. 

"You both okay?" I asked softly, Sirius licked my shoulder and Remus flattened his ears, "Good," I said. 

A few hours later, Moons started to moan and whimper, changing into his human form. Sirius changed behind me, wrapped in a fluffy robe and I covered Remus with a blanket.

"You alright, Remmy baby?" I asked, kissing his head. He moaned softly.

"Why are you here (Y/N)?" he asked.

"I felt restless. I needed to come and see you."

"Did those death eaters?" he whispered, tired as hell but still worried.

"No, darling, you came in time," I promised, and Sirius apparated us all to our home. 

***

Harry arrived Saturday morning, I welcomed him with a large breakfast, cooking everything he liked. Remus was still tired and asleep, Sirius asleep just because he wasn't a morning person. They woke up around noon when Harry and I were talking over a tea. Sirius was overjoyed seeing his godson, and Remus was forcing himself to stand straight. I went to help the taller man, pulling his arm around my shoulders, forcing him to lean some of his weight to me.

"I am okay," he whispered.

"I have known you how long my love?" I asked, "You can't fool me at this point. Go back to sleep, Harry will understand."

"I can't," he whispered.

"What is wrong love?" I asked, helping him sit down, cupping his face softly.

"Nightmares," he whispered, I pressed a kiss to his nose, "about last night."

"Oh my sweet man," I whispered, hugging him to my chest, "you are okay, we are okay. You protected me, remember?" I pressed kisses to his scarred face. Sirius and Harry were talking about task excitedly, so I dropped myself to Remus' lap, petting the man under me. 

"You shouldn't have risked your life like that, dove," he whispered, his forehead resting against mine, his eyes closed, light coloured lashes brushing against his cheekbones. 

"I had to Remmy," I said, "You know me if I will feel you or Sirius are in danger, I will run to you. If I feel you need me, I will run to you. I love you. I will die for you if it is needed," I whispered. I could see tears wetting his cheeks.

"But I can't live without you," he whispered, kissing my lips softly, "I can't live in a world, where you don't exist," he cried softly.

"How did you find me yesterday?" I asked, changing the topic, making him think of anything else than one of ours' death, "I sent a Patronus to Sirius, but you found me first."

"I smelt you," he said simply, "Well not at first, at first there was an urge, I had to run to that direction, I had to run to find you. I didn't know yet. I smelled your scent halfway. And I knew I had to be there. I knew I had to reach you."

"Seems like we have a bond eh?" I asked softly. And he smiled, pressing a kiss to my lips. 


	22. Mistakes of Past and How to Correct Them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prepare yourself for some angst.
> 
> Mentions of suicide and depression, be aware.

"We need a weekend getaway," Sirius said while stirring the pot. Remus was reading a newspaper, still weary from the full moon. I was preparing some salad, dicing the vegetables. A fresh spring wind breezed inside, refreshing the air. The weather was warmer now, still rainy and wet but much warmer as it was early April now. 

"What do you mean, Siri?" I asked, moving to add tofu into the salad. 

"Just, let's go somewhere," he said. 

"We could go to Yorkshire if you want," Remus offered, as I put the salad in the middle of the table and placed the dishes, "My parent's cottage is there, I haven't been since we went to Hogwarts last year. With a little bit of cleaning, we could manage. It is close to Reighton Beach, North York and Leeds. It is quite and peaceful, away from the city," he said, stirring some honey into his tea. 

"Hmm, I like the idea," Sirius said, bringing the pot, filling the dishes, "I missed seeing you in a wet swimsuit, also some forest sex?" he winked at me. Making both Remus and I roll our eyes. 

"It sounds lovely Remmy," I said, squeezing his fingers, "I would love to get away, but maybe we could make it longer than a weekend?" I asked.

"However you want darling," he said, pressing a brief kiss to my fingertips making my whole faces feeling hotter at his dreaminess. 

"Oh, you don't bat an eye to forest sex but blush at that," Sirius huffed at us. 

***

Remus' cottage was a stone-built two-floor cottage with a spacious garden and a garden cottage. The garden was enormous, and I loved the whole place.

"I am so angry at you right now," I said pushing Remus' chest as he unlocked the door and Sirius circled his wand cleaning the whole place in seconds, "This place is magnificent, and you are bringing me here just now?" 

He laughed softly at my antics, pulling me under his arm, pressing a kiss to my head.

"Since when are you a country girl?" he asked.

"This is the cosiest place I have ever seen," I said, bumping his hip with mine. 

"Everything you are is a cosy place," he said pulling me upstairs, Sirius enlarged the bed with a charm to make it fit for all three of us. And Remus placed our things into the cabinets, I threw myself to the bed, watching both of them work. 

"You are cooking tonight," Sirius said, laying next to me and pulling me to his sturdy body. 

"But I am sleepy," I pouted. Making him laugh. 

"You are such a baby sometimes," the grey-eyed man said, pressing small kisses to my jaw. 

"Let's take a nap," I mumbled, "Remmy, come here," I said and caught his hand pulling him to my body. I was settled between two men; their warmth lulled me to sleep. I was being spooned by Remus as I wrapped an arm and leg around Sirius. Both of them following me to dreamland. 

Waking up between my boys was the best way to wake up, especially in a chilly evening—both of their body heat more than enough to keep me warm and safe. I woke up on my back, Remus' head buried to my tits, Sirius' head in my neck, his breath and beard softly tickling my neck. I buried my hands in their hair, Sirius' gorgeous long black locks and Remus' shorter but just as soft blond hair. Both of them had a thing for their hair being played, both of them being canines I guess. Sirius just moved closer to me in his sleep, pushing his body further into mine. Remus woke up, but didn't open his eyes; instead, he bit my tit softly. I couldn't hold my giggle at his playfulness. 

"You are such a tit guy," I said, and he lifted his head, reaching for my lips.

"Not really," he said, nibbling my jaw, "I like your tits, but I can't say I don't enjoy your bum less. Or any other part on your buxom body," he said, squeezing my waist.

"You always know what to say, don't you," I teased him.

"I love you. You know that," he whispered, kissing me once more, my fingers slipped down his hair, grabbing onto the nape of his long, creamy neck. Bloody Sirius decided to choose that moment to wake up, and suddenly two soft lips were sucking on my pulse point. Two pairs of hands were roaming all over my body. We were interrupted by my stomach, grumbling. Remus laughed softly, pressing a kiss to my nose as Sirius whined at the lost opportunity. 

"Let's go find something to eat, love," Remus said, pecking my lips one last time. 

***

Life at Yorkshire was terrific. And after all this war and everything ended, boys would need a lot of luck to keep me away from here. The garden was heavenly and massive. I laid at the grass all day reading, soaking in the sun and just doing anything I could. Remus was amused with my love to his garden. Sirius shared my love for the garden, well kind of, he turned into Pads to run all over. 

"You really love here, huh?" Remus said, handing me a mug of tea, and sitting next to me with his own tea and book. Sirius was sunbathing in his boxers, which was not the weirdest thing he did in this garden. 

"It is beautiful here," I said, leaning against his thighs, "and peaceful."

"Sirius is here love, are you sure about the peaceful part?"

"Stop," I said, hitting his arm softly, "It just reminds me of you. Being here is like, I am not sure how to say it. Being here feels exactly like being hugged by you. Safe, warm, tranquil. It is so clear to me you grew up here; every step of this place reminds me of you," I could see the blush spreading on his cheeks and the tips of his ears, "Don't be shy now baby," I said, moving myself under his arm. He wrapped it around me, pressing a kiss to my shoulder. 

"You are so pure," he whispered, lips brushing against my shoulder with every syllable, "I don't deserve your love, darling. No man does. You are perfection."

"I am everything but perfection, Remmy," I whispered, finger tracing a scar running through his forearm, "And you deserve all the love in this universe."

***

It was a rather warm day, and we decided to hit the beach. Sirius was a few shades darker now thanks to his sun time at the garden. And Remus was a bit shy, because of his scars. It took a lot of kisses all over his torso to make sure he would take off his shirt. 

"You look hot," I reminded him, rubbing sun lotion through his broad back, caressing his scars, "And Siri and I already know every part of your body, so what if some Muggles will stare. You already have an attention whore and the fat girl with you, its probably one of us they are staring," I said, kissing his shoulder blade.

"Stop saying the 'fat girl' like it is an insult, you are beautiful and the most gorgeous woman on this beach," he said pulling me to himself and applying sun lotion to my back and shoulders. 

"I take her legs!" Sirius declared, unnecessarily massaging the lotion to my calves and thighs, his fingers lingering on my inner thighs brushing against my crotch. 

"Behave," I warned.

"I mean, beach sex?" he winked.

"You don't have to add 'sex' to every location we go to," Remus said, rubbing some lotion to my arms and chest. 

"But wouldn't you want to fuck her here and now?"

"No, I don't want to fuck my girlfriend in front of all these men who already keep staring at her chest, and where sand is everywhere and can get inside her and cause health issues," he huffed, helping me get up. Sirius pulled me into the water running, Remus with a small spell secured our things and followed us, without any rush, thanks to his long, long legs. It was a beautiful day, swimming with the men I love, resting in their arms, breathing in their smell mixed with the ocean's salty one. After getting out and finding a quiet place to apparate back home, all three of us were huddled under the shower. Me reaching up to wash Sirius' hair, massaging his scalp as Remus rubbed soaped washcloth all over my body. I wanted to wash his hair too, but he was tall as a tree. Sirius laughed at my pout as I couldn't reach Remus' head. And Remus gave me a soft peck on the lips, washing my hair instead. After the shower, all three of us were dressed in our bathrobes, cooking together. 

"Would you like to eat in the garden, dove?" Sirius asked, his chin resting on my shoulder, and I nodded. I never was an outside person, but the garden's beauty and the sky's brightness in the countryside were doing things to my soul. Remus found one of the wines his parents stored in the cellar and carried everything to the garden with magic. Thank Merlin, the table was a round one so we could all sit next to each other. This was life, sitting between the men I loved, sipping on wine, eating the food we prepared together, the clear sky of stars above our heads. The only thing missing was Harry, who hopefully was with his friends, happy, laughing.

***

We stayed at Remus' cottage for three weeks, one of the best weeks of my life, but I also missed London. I barely had the chance to work on my hex, but from what Severus was writing his research wasn't finished too. Something weird was happening at Hogwarts, and he was busy with that. After returning to our London home, I owled Severus informing that he could visit any time he wished and I was working full force once more. 

I was writing Harry a letter, asking him how he was if he needed anything I wish I could see the boy. I missed him. I missed him so much. Remus was out with to meet with our publisher taking both of our essays and research reports. Sirius was in the shower. I felt his presence behind me as I was tying the letter to the owl, as he flew, Sirius' arms wrapped around my tummy and he pulled me to his warm bare chest.

"To Harry?" he asked, lips pressed to my neck and I nodded.

"I miss him too, you know," he whispered.

"You were in love with him since the moment he was born," I said, turning to face him, fingertips following the tattoo right on his sternum. 

"He was a cute kid," he said, eyes glossy with memories before I could answer, he pecked my nose softly, his hands squeezing my bum, "We should try for our own you know," he whispered, "You, me and Remmy. You'd definitely look hot pregnant," he whispered, stormy grey eyes entering my soul, "The kid would be cute too. Doesn't matter if it would be from Moony or me if you are the mother the kid would be the prettiest baby."

"I am old Siri," I said softly.

"You have at least 100 more years to live baby girl," he whispered, "And you are young yet. Will be young for some more time."

"After all this is over?" I asked, resting my cheek right on top of his heart, "We could try then? After we are safe, Harry is safe?"

"Just more excuses to have you under us," he laughed.

***

Severus brought some potions with him when he visited. A few were for Remus. Others were newer ones. I didn't recognise them. 

"I tried something, but it is mostly experimental," he said, pushing a light yellow potion into my hands, "Can cause nausea, no other side effects. I am just not sure how effective it would be on you. It is to enhance your magical performance. The bigger spells shouldn't drain you as much."

"Thank you, Sev."

"Someone needs to keep you alive. Salazar knows what your boyfriends are doing."

"Hey, leave alone, my men," I said, smiling at him. 

"Your men are two canines," he rolled his eyes, "Two drops every day, before breakfast. Not more, Merlin knows where you'll try to jump off of if you overdose."

"Have you had the chance to," I hesitated, knowing it was a sensitive subject, I couldn't blame him.

"To look into the Dark Mark? Yes. There is no way to remove it as you know, well cutting the arm off might work, but I quite like and need my arm. However, if we excluded me from your magic zone, make me immune to your magic. I looked at some ancient texts. It is a complicated process but not a long one. But it will mean that you won't be able to use any magic against me, ever."

"Will you be able yo use any magic against her?" Remus said, appearing out of nowhere.

"Lupin," Severus scoffed.

"You would be able to use magic against her," he said. Remus looked offish, "I trust you to some certain extent, but leaving (Y/N) defenceless against you is not within it," he moved closer to us, standing protectively right behind me, the warmth of his chest, seeping into my back. 

"I never would hurt her Lupin. I never did, unlike you," he challenged him.

"You don't know anything," Remus hissed.

"No, you don't know anything, nor does your mad little best friend does. But he at least had the decency to take care of her for using her like that. Since the day you met (Y/N) Lupin, you did nothing but hurt her. You ignored her for years, you abandoned her the moment she needed you, and shall I remind you, how you abused her physically just about a year ago?"

"Severus, enough," I begged.

"Does he know?" he said, turning to face me, fire in his dark eyes. I knew exactly what he was talking about. And I couldn't utter a word. 

"About what?" Remus demanded voice hunted with fear. 

"Of course you didn't tell him," Severus scoffed at me, "She tried to kill herself, several times, while you were off to Merlin knows where living your life." Remus faltered, I could hear the hitch of his breath behind me, his hands finding the counter to support his weight. Sirius choose that moment to enter the house. 

"What is happening here?" he asked noticing the tense atmosphere.

"Just know Lupin, you almost cost her life multiple times. And you are in no position to question my loyalty to her when we both know you will disappear and turn your back on her the moment something bad happens," were his last words before he nodded at me and disapparated.

I didn't dare to turn around and see Remus' face. I could feel the tears running down my eyes. The times that I almost died haunting me. The darkness of my mind returning momentarily. Sirius' warm hands cupping my face jolted me out of my trance. His thumbs softly brushing off my tears.

"What is happening, love? What was the snake talking about?" He whispered, pecking my lips.

"I will go lay down," I said, moving upstairs. My head was throbbing, and the first time in the last few months, I went to sleep in my own bed, crying myself to sleep. 

***

(Sirius' POV)

"What in bloody hell is happening?" I demanded, Remus looked like a bloody rig ran over him. I haven't seen him this broken and shaken even after hundreds of full moons I spent with him. But my patience was running thin, that bloody snake made her cry, broke Remus and I didn't know what the hell was going on. 

"Moony," I said, squeezing his shoulder, he was shaking.

"She tried to kill herself," he whispered, "did you know?" he asked, sliding to the floor not being able to hold himself up any longer. My blood curdled as I sat next to him.

"What?"

"After you went to Azkaban, I left. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle all of this. I left her. I wasn't even there to tell her that you were taken, Snape did. She wrote to me, owled me, tried to reach me, I ignored her. I never answered. She begged me, in every letter, in every note, some were smudged with tears. But I ignored her. James and Lily were dead, Pettigrew was dead, I thought you did it, and you two were something,"

"You suspected her?" I asked, terrified. Accusing me was one thing, I was aware of my mental instability from time to time, being pureblood, coming from Black family, didn't do any good to people think I did it. But accusing (Y/N), how?

"For a moment, at first few days, when everything still seemed blurry and chaotic. I knew she would never do anything in that, but every time I looked at her, I even thought of her, I thought of you. And I couldn't Pads. I lost everything. I barely kept myself alive. I didn't have any power to be there for her. So I didn't reply, I let her down Sirius."

"What about, the su..." I couldn't say it, I couldn't say that bloody word next to her name, in the same sentence with her. I couldn't even think of her hurting herself. No.

"She was alone. I left her alone. I should have been there for her, and I wasn't, for 12 bloody years, she was all alone. She was in depression for the first four years. I knew that she told me before. But apparently, it wasn't only depression," he sobbed, tears falling free, chest tight, "she was suicidal. She tried to kill herself."

"How? When?" I said, feeling numb.

"I don't know," he whispered, drained, "Snape said it was more than once, you were here after that. You heard what I heard."

"What are we going to do?" I asked, feeling hopeless after not feeling such a thing for years. Even in Azkaban, I never felt this way, I knew (Y/N) was out there, and I would see her after here. I knew I would always have her. But now, knowing she almost took her life, a couple of times, made the fear of a life without her more real, and terrifying. 

"Maybe I should go for a while," he offered.

"No," I couldn't hold the sharpness of my voice, "No, Remus, you are not allowed to go. She needs you, she always needed you and you leaving will make things worse. I know how your mind works, but no. You leaving would break her further, Snape would be right. Our girl needs us, especially you. You always were her weak spot. She needs you the most, right now."

"She should hate me. I hurt her so many times Pads, I keep hurting her, and she gives me nothing but love. I hate myself for everything I did to her, every time I made her sad."

"We all make mistakes, Remus," I said, squeezing his forearm, "And, Merlin, knows you have a way to blame and hate yourself for everything. You two are similar at that. But no, running away won't do it. We all need to talk. We need to be there for each other. Come on," I said, getting up.

"I can't."

"Get up, or I will hex your arse."

"I can't Sirius. She deserves better. I don't deserve this."

"You are not the one who decides what she does or does not deserve. (Y/N) decides. And I don't remember her saying anything about kicking you out. So get the hell up, and we are cuddling our girl."

"Sirius, I don't think,"

"Yeah, you tend to do that, I will think for both of us, come on," I said pulling the man towards her bedroom, knowing she would hide there, blaming herself for the mental torture we put her through. She was fast asleep, tear stains on her eyes. I hated when she did this when she cried herself to sleep. Remus laid beside her, not daring to touch her, but as I cuddled to her other side, I pushed the girl's sleeping body towards the blond man, and he had no choice but to catch her in his arms. She sighed contently, probably our smell reaching her lungs, she turned in her sleep burying herself in Remus' chest, which was more than okay for me and I curled behind her, chest pressed against her chest. I could see Remus' eyes watching her, pain and regret written all over his face, but I knew he also was tired, drained emotionally and wouldn't be able to fight sleep for much longer, especially with (Y/N) in his arms. I knew things would be rough for some time from now, but we would be okay. Even both of my lovers' habit of beating themselves over everything, our love for each other was stronger. And Godric knows, I would do everything in my power to keep us together, to make things better as both (Y/N) and Remus had hard enough lives and deserved all the happiness in the world. I had to monitor, the buxom girl much closer from now on but she always was a beautiful view to watch. 

***

It was weird to wake up first out of all three of us. Usually, it was Remus, less often (Y/N), but almost never me. It was calming watching them sleep. She was curled to Remus's front, much shorter than the man, curvy and round. I loved how she didn't have any sharp edges; all the body was full of cascading curves, like a waterfall, soft, plush and gorgeous. For a Slytherin girl, she was a rare creature of a sweeter and more delicate nature than most Slytherins. But I knew she was perfect for the house, no matter how much I hated most of them, all the best traits of that house shone on her: resourceful, ambitious, determinant, powerful, a leader and a brilliant witch. It wasn't once she made me ate my words about Slytherins. I pressed a kiss to her head, as her pretty face still was buried in Remus' chest. Her little fingers were holding onto mine, as I rested a hand on her soft tummy. 

"I love you, mon petit chou," I whispered in her soft hair. She smelled so clean, so precious—nose rubbing into her neck, and jaw bone. Her warmth was making my head spin. 

"Siri," she whispered, her voice muffled in Remus' chest.

"Hey, darling," I said, squeezing the loose flesh of her tummy. 

"Are we okay?" she asked.

"Of course we are okay," I promised, biting onto her shoulder gently, "We should talk, to relieve your mind. But we are in no rush. I am not really planning on getting up as long as you are in my arms," I squeezed her soft hip. 

"I fucked up, didn't I?" she asked. 

"I don't think you could fuck up if you tried your best even," I kissed her shoulder, tugging her shirt down, revealing the curve of her shoulder. I was kissing the newfound skin over and over again, biting on her collar bone. 

"You were always so nice to me," she whispered.

"I could never be as nice as you are to me. I know you blame yourself; I know you think you are weak. But you are not, you are the strongest person I have ever met. I know your mind hunts at the time, Merlin knows, the three of us, all have haunting minds. But it doesn't change how amazing you are, how much we love you. We will make things better for each other, we always did."

Remus woke up a few minutes later, his gold speckled green eyes drinking (Y/N)'s pretty face, his eyes soft and full of pain.

"I am sorry, Remmy," she whispered before he could even say anything.

"What for darling?" he asked, tears rolling down his cheeks, "For me being an arsehole? For me being a turd? It is me who is sorry, my love. I shouldn't have left you. I should have stayed. I should have protected you from your own mind."

"You are not an arsehole or a turd," she protested, "You are the sweetest man I know," she whispered, her hand cupping Remus' scarred cheek, thumb brushing over the large scar running down his cheekbone. 

"I am sorry," he sobbed, and (Y/N) pulled him down by his neck, her lips capturing his in hers. His hands found her hips and held onto them as she gave him the most sensual kiss I have ever witnessed. 

"Want to talk about it?" I asked, rubbing her belly, hand under her shirt. Remus tensed, and she took a deep breath. She turned to lay on her back, one of our hands in hers. She was resting on my shoulder, as Remus tucked himself into her chest, to hide his tears most probably.

"It was a few months after you were taken away to Azkaban," she said, her forefinger drawing circles on the back of my hand, "I was depressed, losing Lils and Jamie, losing you, losing Remmy took its tall on me. But I also was restless. I trusted both of you, fully, I knew you would never betray each other or any of us. And something with Peter's 'death' was not sitting well with me. It made me restless. But my depression got the best of me, and soon enough I couldn't even get out of the bed. Severus visited me periodically and noticed that the depression was not only depression. He put some kind of a health tracing spell on me and filled my cabinets with emergency potions. So whenever my heart rate dropped, or breath slowed, he would be notified. So, he kind of he had to save me before it was too late a couple of times."

"How many?" I asked softly, squeezing her fingers, pressing a kiss to her forehead. 

"Six," she whispered, and my breath hitched. Remus sobbed into her chest, his hand tightening around her waist. 

"Do you want to tell more, baby?" I asked I was shit at talking about feelings, but she needed it, and after her taking care of me for years, I learned one or two things. She always made me talk, asked me to tell everything, and it helped. Telling her things that I hid from the boys, that haunted me all day and night. 

"I tried different things," she said, voice neutral, eyes unfocused lost in memories, I hoped my touch and Remus' weight on her chest would be enough to ground her, "I tried drinking Death Potion two times, but Severus' knows potions and people who make and sell them and the ingredients, so I had to change my ways. I tried to drown myself, tried cutting. She said nodding at the vertical cuts on her wrists, thinner than hair, healing magic. My chest felt cold, with fear, with worry, with regret that I wasn't there. She was there for me, always, but when she needed me the most, I was in Azkaban because I couldn't hold my temper, "The last one was jumping off a building. But you know, what they say, when you jump off somewhere it is not the hit that kills you but the heart attack, so yeah, my heart rate went crazy, and before I was even halfway down, Severus was there, and I was levitating."

"You didn't try it again?" I asked, fighting to keep my voice stable, ignoring the tears falling down my cheeks and wetting her hair.

"Severus made me go to St Mungo's. Depression didn't really disappear for the next one, and a half year, my suicidal tendencies were mostly gone."

"How long did it last?" I whispered, "The depression?"

"A little bit more than four years," she said.

"What happened after that?"

"I moved out of London, started writing. And didn't really stop. I kept writing all day, all night until Remus came back to my life."

"I should have come sooner," Remus sobbed, into her soft body, "I should have never be gone," (Y/N) brushed his hair softly, playing with it in a calming manner. 

"We all have our ways to grief, love," she whispered, "It is not your fault that I always was in the self-destructive side."

"It is my fault I left you alone and let you do all these to yourself."

"You needed to heal, Remmy," she whispered.

"You needed me," he hiccupped, voice still muffled by her shirt and flesh.

"I have you now."

"Twelve bloody years late."

"But you are here," she whispered, "And that's all I want. You to be here, you to stay."

"I don't deserve you, or Sirius. I don't deserve any of this. You both deserve much better."

"I think you deserve much better, Remmy. I think you deserve the world. But we rarely get what we deserve. If we did, Siri would never be sent to Azkaban. He would be given a trial. Lills and Jamie would be here with Harry. You would never be attacked by that arsehole."

***

Things were tense after that day, not the aggressive kind of tense but more like we were scared (Y/N) would disappear. Knowing she almost died six times by her own hands, not counting the tens of times where her life was in danger, and she almost didn't make it in missions made me realise how fragile life was. Hers' especially. I felt the rotten feeling of terror deep in my bones, first time after years of it, and my mind was not helpful. Plaguing me with nightmares where (Y/N) was dead in my arms, sometimes Remus laid next to her bloody and beaten. Her eyes were always open in those dreams. Her beautiful (E/C) eyes wide open and lifeless, cold. Those eyes hunted me more than the scenarios. Even in the nightmares where her body would be covered in her blood, chest open, ribs on sight, the eyes haunted me the most. And I prayed to whatever deity there was to let me see those eyes warm and spirited the next morning. Remus was much quieter, lost in his loathing and regret. But he doted on (Y/N), trying to make up for the lost years, most probably. He would hug her, press small kisses over the girl's face, make tea and coffee for her. We both held her closer at nights. Sex was much softer. It wasn't only about desire and love anymore. It was to keep all of us grounded. It was to confirm each other that we were here and alive. Kisses were deeper. Touches lingered longer. 

It was mid-June now, we were getting better slowly, Harry had his third task soon, and (Y/N) was getting anxious. Remus, being the occasionally wise man he is, decided to push his self-loathing aside and focus on the girl. They were researching together, for the spell she was preparing. Snape came a couple more times, and they completed the ritual that excluded Snape out of (Y/N)'s magic, which I hated but couldn't do anything about. Snape's potions were making her stronger, in days that she didn't use any magic, we had a few cases of accidental magic, especially when she came during sex. And it was kind of a game between Remus and me now, touching her, playing with her, making her cum to see what she would cause. She always got angry at us for that, but it was cute. And an excellent material to tease her. 

"What if I hurt you?" she puffed as I pushed her to Remus' chest and the man caught her with ease, I was licking my fingers clean of her juice, she was flushed and still panting. Remus pecked her hair, cleaning her with a damp cloth. 

"Accidental magic is like a magic sneeze, dove," Remus said, helping her back into her knickers, lace ones, baby pink lace ones that looked amazing on that bum, "You can't hurt anyone even if you want to."

"What if I start a fire?" 

"We will extinguish it," I said, patting her soft thigs, "Like I extinguished the fire in that cunt," I winked at her making her blush and Remus to groan.

"I always knew you would be a dirty old man," she said, pushing me with her toes softly, "But never knew it would happen in such an early age."

"You like it when I am dirty," I said, pinching her inner thigh and she moved herself closer to Moony. Who welcomed her with open arms, pressing a soft kiss to her jaw.


	23. Going Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving into the Girmmauld's place, and Tonks is here! I am sorry but I hate the woman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell I know no shit about Latin?

It was the day of the third task, and my hands were trembling from excitement, Sirius was barely better than me, but put on a brave face distracting me, since what Severus told them the boys were extra attached to me. Remus woke up the same time with me, early in the morning, there still was a few hours we needed to leave. 

"Good morning, my lovely girl," he said, pressing a kiss to my bare shoulder, nose bumping against my collar bone, "Would you like me to prepare you some breakfast?" he whispered to my skin, his prominent lips brushing against my sensitive skin. His breath was hitting my neck, hair tickling my ear. I reached to his lips, pulling him into a kiss, Sirius was sound asleep, hugging me from me behind, his hand loosely thrown around my hips, hand cupping my tummy pouch. Remus' large hand cupped my cheek, fingertips brushing my cheekbone, lips soft and warm against mine, nose pushing against mine, his teeth grazing my lower lip, tongue caressing the top of my mouth. 

"You are addictive," I moaned into him, "You are addictive Remus Lupin."

"You should see yourself, (Y/L/N)," he mumbled, lips moving to my neck and jawline. 

"I love you. You know that?" I whispered, moving my hands to his broad chest, his heart beating against his rips, right under my palm. Thank Merlin, I convinced him to go to bed shirtless. No matter how much he disliked his body and scars, I loved the man all over. I loved his touch on my skin. I loved feeling his skin against mine, tracing his scars with my fingertips, following the patterns on his chest, his skin warm and inviting. I pressed my lips to his collarbone, licking, kissing, following the bone to his neck, and there attaching my lips to his pulse point. He gave a soft, throaty growl,

"We need to get going soon, love," he whispered, cupping my jaw and pecking my lips, "I would love to continue this, and kiss you all over, taste you until you can't talk but, we both know we can't."

"I love you," I whispered, knowing he was beating himself harder than ever lately, "I love you so much."

"I love you, too," he whispered, "More than anything."

***

"(Y/N)!" Molly called as she waved at me, Arthur and the children were by her side. She saved three seats on the front row.

"Hello," I greeted them, hugging Molly, as she rubbed my back to calm me down.

"Are you alright?" Arthur asked, smiling nervously at us. Remus rested a hand around my back, while Sirius was shaking his leg restlessly, I rested a hand against his thigh, rubbing to relax him. He took my hand in his, pulling it to his lips, pressing a kiss on my wrist. 

"He will be alright," I whispered, to myself, more than anyone else, a dark burning feeling was consuming my soul, spreading inside my chest, a headache pushing itself into my skull. But Remus' solid body right next to mine, and the warmth seeping into my spine from his large hand grounded me, held me together. Sirius was keeping my hand pressed to his mouth, his grip firm, lips pressed against the flat of my hand. I knew it was his way of holding himself together. I had no idea how much time passed, as constant worry and fear making me lose track of it. But the moment Diggory's boys' body hit the ground with Harry crying over him. I jumped into the arena. Everyone was still cheering and laughing and celebrating. But I felt it. I felt Harry's agony, his pain, his terror. Dumbledore was right behind me, as I knelt beside Harry, pulling him off the Hufflepuff boy, checking his pulse with trembling hands, finding nothing but cold skin. It was too late, too late to save him, too late to make things better. Harry didn't even notice who I was until I pulled the boy into me. Dumbledore and Amos kneeled beside the boy, Dumbledore pushing me back Harry on my chest. I held the boy with everything I had, fear deep in my bones, worry freezing my blood. 

"He's back," Harry sobbed into my neck, "He is back. Voldermort's back," Dumbledore's eyes met mine, in an eerie understanding, "I couldn't leave him (Y/N). Cedric, he asked me to bring his body back. I couldn't leave him," the boy kept shaking with sobs, his chest heaving. Dumbledore reached to him, brushing his hair, as the boy buried his face in my neck, arms tight around my waist, gripping the back of my dress. I kissed his forehead softly,

"It's alright, baby," I promised, "It's alright. You did the right thing. You did the right thing, baby," I held onto him, letting him sob into me.

"There are too many people," Dumbledore whispered "(Y/N). We need to move the body. Can you track the hexes on him?" I nodded, looking at Harry.

"I will take the boy," Moody said, pulling Harry from my eyes. I was irritated and troubled with him, I haven't seen the man in years, but something was off. Before I could think more on the issue, Remus joined me, finally bringing the crowd under control. Sirius still there talking with Hermione and Ron, grey eyes wild and anxious. 

***

Next time I saw Harry is when we ran into our old classroom, Sirius right in front of me, Severus and Remus beside me as we ran after Dumbledore. I barely knew what was happening, but I needed to find Harry. Everyone except Sirius and I ran to Moody, as we made our way to the boy in the corner. Sirius hugged him, asking him thousand times if he was okay and if the bastard did anything to the boy. When I finally got the chance to embrace the boy myself, he threw himself onto me.

"It's alright, Harry," I whispered, "Everything is okay now. You are safe. I promise baby. You are safe," I whispered over and over again. 

"Are you okay?" he asked his skinny arms around my torso, cheek resting on my shoulder. 

"Of course I am," I said, kissing his scarred forehead, "How many times I told you, baby, you never need to worry about me."

"I can't," he shrugged, "Who is he?" Everything went crazy from there. At some point, we had to leave, I held Harry one last time and promised to arrange something for the summer.

***

Back home, I started working on my hex even harder. Remus and Sirius were also busy with Order meetings and recruiting. We didn't see each other as much as we did during the day, but nights were still ours', I still slept between my men, cuddled to their chests, holding their hands, pressing kisses to wherever I could reach. Our sex was much more meaningful now, more about feeling each other, finding peace in each other. I clung to them whenever I could. I kissed them whenever I could. I breathed in the scent of their skin whenever I could. The war was coming, and Merlin knows every day could be the last one. 

"Good morning, beautiful," I heard, as Sirius pressed himself to my back, arms snaking around my middle, lips finding my neck and biting softly.

"Good morning, love," I said, leaning into his solid body, "I thought you had a meeting with Harry, to bring him here," I said.

"I will, in an hour," he promised.

"I hate that he only can stay a couple of weeks and has to return to those monsters," I said.

"I know, darling," he nodded, "but we have to move into Grimmauld's. I need to keep you safe."

"I am safe. As much as any of us is," I said, turning in his arms, resting my hands on his chest. Sirius always had a nice body, the man was physically gifted in every aspect, and feeling the firm muscles of his chest under my fingers, even after 12 years of prison, made me feel a weird kind of comfort. A few months ago, the only thing it would make me climb the man, but now Sirius' strength and permanence gave me the feeling of reliance. I pressed my lips to his, and kissed him, enjoying the softness of his locks. 

"I love you, belle girl," he whispered, "Merlin knows how much I love you. How much you mean to me," he murmured, nose brushing my jawline.

"I love you, too Siri," I breathed, "I love you so much."

****

Weeks with Harry were the best; we all loved having him around and safe. In another life, James and Lily would be with us. In another life, Harry wouldn't be scared for his life and the lives of his loved ones. Remus was taking Harry back, and after hugging and gushing over the boy for hours, I had sent him with the man. 

"We will see him soon enough," Remus said as he entered the house, pulling me to himself. I loved hugs from this man. His tall structure let me bury myself into his warm, toned chest and breath in his clean, musky smell. He pressed his lips to the top of my head, arms tight around me. 

"Group hug!" Sirius said as he saw us and crashed to my back as he put his arms around us, chest pressed to my back.

"You okay, dove?" Remus asked, humour lacing his voice. I nodded into him, relaxing in their warmth. This is what I wanted for the last of my days, cuddled between the two men who had my heart.

***

I have been in Grimmauld's place a couple of times before when we were younger. But it has been over 12 years since I stepped foot in there. I could feel Sirius' anxiety as we apparated in front of the building. The childhood memories, the abuse and horror of Walburga haunting his pretty head. I stepped closer to the man, hooking my fingers with his longer ones. He squeezed my fingers in thank you, and I just held onto him tighter. 

"You okay to go in?" I asked, and he nodded, still tense. Remus' gaze caught mine, and I nodded. 

Stepping inside of the old house was an interesting experience, even after cleaning and ventilating the house, it still was dark, gloomy and cold. Sirius and Remus were cleaning the house off boggarts, and whatever dark things loomed in its shadows. I made my way upstairs. A door caught my eye, Sirius' name shining on the nameplate. When Sirius still lived with his parents, I was his only friend who was allowed to visit, being Slytherin and being (Y/L/N). I remembered the nights I spent pressed to Sirius back, holding him after noticing the bruises and scars his mother left on him, kissing his skin, always carrying healing balms and bandages to fix him. I remembered his bed, large enough to fit us both, his arms around me as I was buried in his sheets, covered in his smell, in his warmth. I caressed the name sign. His name always looked elegant to me.

"The memories?" I heard his voice behind me, the owner of the room standing right behind me.

"I know this house is your nightmare," I said, "but, we had some nice memories in this room. Hadn't we?" I asked hopefully, wanting to make the time here easier on the man. 

"We did," he smiled softly, "You always made things better, you know," he said, wounding an arm around my thick waist, swaying with me softly, "Even this incubus of a house, it felt like the sun rose in the middle of the corridor when you entered. The belial of a woman, my beautiful mother, even she couldn't hate you. She hoped for this, you know," he said, pressing a kiss to the side of my head, "you marrying my ass and knock me into shape. Well, she didn't really know you, so she hoped that you'd become a Death Eater sooner or later, and would become a cold cunt like her. What would she think if she knew you were one of the best members of the Order and have a heart of gold?" he laughed softly, "She would hate me for ruining you. Having a threeway relationship with Moony, thinking both of us somehow brainwashed you."

"Shut up," I laughed, kissing his jaw, beard tickling me, "It was nice you know, to cuddle here and ignore my parents, your parents. To ignore the war approaching, the evil surrounding us. But we made it, and I am proud of you, you know. I am proud you became the man you are after everything she did to you, after everything this world did to you. I am proud you didn't choose the easy way, becoming like them, even though they did terrible things to you."

"You were there, always," he said, squeezing my side softly, fingers dipping into my flesh, "Even when not physically, you were with me, in my soul, in my heart and I couldn't let you down. I couldn't give up on you. I could not not return to you. Merlin knows James, Remus. Even Peter did so many things for me to help me become the man I am. But, you kept me sane, you kept me pure and I thank skies every day that you are still here, even after seeing me at my lowest, even after having to put up with my shit every day. Such a beautiful little angel, always there for me, for Moony. I love you, colombe. I love you, with everything I have," he said, pulling me into a kiss. His lips soft and gentle against mine, his hand rubbing my back, it was much different than regular, lust-driven Sirius and I loved it as much as I did that Sirius. 

"I love you, too," I said, resting my cheek on his strong shoulder, smelling his cologne, and aftershave, a dangerous mix making me feel things deep in my belly and between my thighs. 

"Remus is preparing the master bedroom," he said, swaying with me softly, we cleaned it and enlarged the bed, but the idea of sleeping with you where I probably was conceived did not sit on well with me. So Remus is doing some remodelling, and we changed the mattress."

"Let's go see?" I asked, getting a hold on his hand, pulling him towards the said room. Remus was in the middle of it, loose, dark grey pants on covering his bottom half and his oyster white shirt, sleeves rolled up, top buttons undone, shining on his pale, scarred skin. He was a sight for sore eyes. Gentle, handsome, picturesque. His eyes met mine, and he smiled at me. Gorgeous man.

"An interior designer you are, Lupin," I said, moving to the man, "Look how cosy this place has become," I smiled at the soft sheets, the lighter wood of the bed, small flowers and books all over one of the wall. 

"Thought of you, while making it, beautiful girl," he said, bending down to peck my lips. I rubbed his arm and kissed his shoulder, as Sirius' hand squeezed my hip. 

***

It was late July when we finished cleaning and preparing the house. Weasley's were to move in a few days, us three staying together and the house being enormous let us have the crowded family with ease. I was excited to live with Molly, as it has been ages since I had another woman in my house or a female friend really. When I was younger, not many girls were friends' with me, mostly as Sirius and I were close, all his potential lovers and the girls who fancied the man hated me. Lily and I were close, but I lost her before I could even get used to her friendship. I was happy with my boys. I couldn't ask more. I didn't need anything or anyone more. I could die happy if I lived for the rest of my life, locked in a room with those two. But it still excited me; her motherly natured calmed my anxiety, and she was amazing to talk with. 

Even though they never stayed overnight, many new people came and went to the house. Moody, Kingsley, Molly's eldest Billy and Tonks being a few of those. Tonks was an interesting story. She was Sirius' cousin and much younger than us. A beautiful woman, a gorgeous woman. I could see the way her eyes lingered on Remus. I knew she at least had a crush on the man. And I couldn't stop the fear gripping my heart, covering my soul. I had different nightmares now, my darling brain, played all the times that I had to watch Remus flirt and kiss other girls, pretty, slim girls while I watched them, crying on Sirius' shoulder. I knew both of them noticed the nightmares. I knew they both couldn't ignore the mood change. But I also knew Remus had no idea why, but Sirius had an inkling of the situation. As he started pushing me to sit closer to Remus at meetings, loudly asking him to take me to bed as I was tired, he would fling me towards Remus when we stood, for the man to catch me in his arms and press kisses to my head. Sirius was marking my territory, for me? He never spoke about it, but he would parade our relationship, especially when Tonks was in the room. Which motivated the woman more, as she has gotten touchy with him, he would brush against Remus, touch his arm, bat her pretty eyes at him. And I couldn't stop comparing myself to her younger, more beautiful, slimmer self. But Remus wasn't aware. He didn't notice the way Tonks would flirt with him or the way I started hating myself even with more passion. Sirius knew, he saw me in this situation at least dozen times. His compliments increased, his caresses, kisses increased. But, it was not enough to shine light into my dark mind. 

It was the middle of the December when Arthur was attacked, a month later Bellatrix and her fellow Death Eaters broke out of Azkaban. Things were getting worse. Times were getting darker, so was my mind. Remus knew something was wrong, I could see the worry in his green eyes, in the golden specks decorating them. I could feel his touch, more hesitant now, afraid to be the last drop, that would break me—scared to push me further into my darkness. Sirius, on the other hand, held me closer, firmer. He was trying to ground me over and over again, every day, every morning, every time Tonks entered the room, her eyes drinking in Remus. But Remus still had no idea, and still was the sweet man who was kind to everyone. I would cry myself to sleep after they fell asleep, Sirius always woke up and pressed me to his chest, kissing my hair, whispering sweet nothings in English, in French. It was as if I was 16 again, and Sirius was the only thing that kept me afloat. But this time, especially after having Remus, after feeling his love, the fear of losing him, the knowledge of Tonks or any other woman being better than me for him consumed my soul and will to live. The only time I could ignore it was when I practised my hex with Severus. It was ready now, Severus still was scared of its effects on my body, but I was ready. 

Summer came faster than ever, missions, depression and the Order making time meaningless for me. We were in the middle of a meeting when the news of Harry and his friends being at the Ministry came, and we rushed to apparate. My sole focus was on Harry, and I could see how he and Sirius were close to the veil. Bellatrix caught my eyes aiming her wand at Sirius, and I knew I had no choice anymore, ready or not, this was the time. 

"Excindo Mors Comedenti," I screamed, aiming at Bellatrix. She screamed as her wand dropped her Dark Mark shining with fire, other Death Eaters joined her screams. I felt something wet and warm run down my cheeks and nose, something rising through my throat, burning my lungs. Someone screamed my name, I saw Sirius and Harry run to me, but my vision tunnelled, my head light, chest burning. Before I could meet their eyes, I felt my knees collapse. I heard the thud when I hit my head, but did not feel it. The last thing I saw was Sirius' grey eyes, shining like stars in the night sky, full of worry, but beautiful. If it was the last thing I'll see in my life, I was content with it. I wish Remus were here. I wish I could see the man one last time. But I was too weak even to comprehend Sirius' full face, concentrate enough to take in his sharp beauty. And I was consumed with darkness, the burning in my chest becoming number, the coldness of the floor disappearing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am in the middle of a writer's block, I really am open for ideas.


	24. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens to the Reader after her hex.

I didn't notice at first, I heard Sirius' shout of (Y/N)'s name, I saw Harry and Sirius running, I saw the Death Eater in front of me scream in pain, drop his wand and hold his forearm screaming, as a fire burnt through the Dark Mark. Tonks was right in front of me, staring at Sirius, I could see him on the floor, Harry next to him crying. But I couldn't see what was happening, Kingsley was blocking whatever was happening. I looked around, to find (Y/N) to make sure she was okay, but I couldn't find her. As Tonks was the closest standing to me, I turned to ask her where she was if she had seen her, but the moment the question left my lips, the younger woman turned to me terror and fear written all over her face. I went to get closer to Sirius. He sure would know where (Y/N) was. He always kept his eyes on her. A much better boyfriend I ever could be. But Kingsley sharply turned to face me, hands on my shoulder, a similar fear in his eyes. The Death Eaters were taken by then, as the Ministry officials came, Dumbledore too. Rushing inside, directly to Sirius' side. That was the moment I saw (Y/N), laying in front of Sirius, face sticky and covered with her own blood, eyes closed, mouth softly open, also covered in blood. It felt like my chest was too small for my heart; my blood was frozen. 

"No," I whispered, trying to get to the girl, but Kingsley and Tonks stopped me, "Let me go! Bloody hell! That woman is my girlfriend!"

"Let them help her," Kingsley said, "Let them help her."

"I can't lose her," I struggled against the man, Sirius was holding Harry as the boy sobbed against his shoulder. Sirius' eyes were wide open with shock, hands shaking, covered in (Y/N)'s blood. Dumbledore called Kingsley, and I followed him. 

"Miss (Y/L/N) needs to be taken to St Mungo's," he said, "I will call Severus. Remus, take Sirius and the children back to 12."

"(Y/N) needs me!" I objected.

"(Y/N) needs medical help," he said as Kingsley lifted the girl and apparated, "I promise to let you know as soon as we learn something about her condition, but, you need each other now, all of you. Clean up, calm down, and wait for the news. She will be okay," he said, apparating himself. Tonks and Bill looked at me, both scared after seeing all the blood on the floor and Sirius and Harry. 

"Bill, take Ron and Hermione back to Molly, I will take Sirius and Harry. Tonks, can you take Neville and Luna back to Hogwarts?" both nodded. 

***

Molly received the news with tears. Arthur consoled his wife with hugs and pats on the back. Sirius was in our room, as I sat in the living room, praying for news about our girl. Molly gave me some tea, sitting in front of me,

"What happened Remus?" she asked, voice still tight with worry.

"I don't know. I lost her a few minutes into the battle. I saw her approaching Sirius and Harry and got distracted myself. Then, it was over, the Death Eaters stopped, just like that, their arm, the Dark Mark it was burning Molly. With flames, it was burning. She did it,"

"The hex? That she was working on?"

"Yes,"

"But, I thought Severus' potions were helping her, giving her strength," Molly asked.

"It was, it should have."

"She wasn't eating," we heard Sirius on the door, grey eyes stormy, red with crying and face stoic. 

"What do you mean?"

"Of course you wouldn't notice," he said, reaching for firewhiskey, "You never notice," he scoffed at me, drinking straight from the bottle. 

"What do you mean, Sirius?" I asked, a bit harsher. Molly stood up, taking Arthur with her, and we were left alone.

"I love you, Remus. You know, I do. But (Y/N) is my life; she is the reason my heart keeps beating. And I can't. I can't lose this girl. I can't lose her. And these last few months, you did this again, like all those years, I can't."

"I don't know what you are talking about, Sirius," I said. I didn't. I didn't know anything. I didn't remember doing anything other than usual. Yes, (Y/N) was quieter than usual, she was stressed, but we were in a war. It would be weird if she weren't stressed. 

"Tonks," he said.

"Tonks?"

"You and Tonks," he said, fed up.

"Yes, Remus, you and my bloody cousin, Nymphadora Tonks. She has been all over you, and I don't remember you pushing her off. You let her be all over yourself, bat her bloody eyelashes at you, touch you, flirt with you. Do you know how many times she watched the exact same scene when we were at Hogwarts? Do you have any idea how many times she watched you flirt with some random girl and compare herself to her, hating herself, her weight, her body even more? Do you know how many times she cried, watching you and thinking she could never be pretty enough, be skinny enough for you to give her attention? Do you know there has not been a night she didn't cry in the last four months? I love you, and I love this relationship we have, three of us, I wouldn't have it any other way. But, I can't watch her get hurt over and over again, just to make herself believe she is worthless when she is the only person that deserves everything in this wretched world."

I was shocked. I felt like throwing up. I felt like fainting. I hurt her again. I hurt her. I was the reason she was depressed. I was the reason she hated herself. Whatever I did, I ended up hurting her. I ended up dangering her life. 

"Don't," Sirius warned, I lifted my eyes to meet his misty eyes, "Don't you ever think of abandoning her, abandoning us. She needs you to be there for her, and no, no matter how your self deprecating brain thinks, she won't be better without you, I won't be better without you."

"I didn't realise, Sirius," I muttered, "I didn't realise she was suffering. I didn't even realise Tonks was flirting, I swear. She is a friendly girl. I thought it was that. I swear to you, I didn't know she was interested in me, I wouldn't let her this close if I knew. I would never want to hurt (Y/N). I love that woman. I love her with all my heart. But, it is clear, Sirius, I am no good for her. All I do is hurt her."

"So you are done? Just because improving yourself is too much work, you will give up on her, on this relationship? On me? Is it this easy for you? That woman might not make it, the last thing I saw of her was blood gushing from everywhere on her body, and you think of leaving her? When she needs you the most? When it might be the last time we saw her alive? Leave then. Go. I will pick the bloody pieces up like I always do. Do you know how bloody happy I was when she told me you two were together, do you know how her whole body glowed, she had you after loving you for over 20 years? I thought you came to your senses after ages! But no, I think, did you ever love her? Or was the sex and comfort too good to leave? Do you know what she will think if you won't be around when she wakes up? That you choose Tonks over her, and she wasn't enough for you to love. I hope you'll think of her before acting if you loved her even for a bit," he said, leaving upstairs, the bottle still in his hand. Leaving me with pain and regret. 

***

It was a couple of hours later when I went back upstairs, Sirius was asleep, (Y/N)'s pyjama dress thrown over his pillow, his face buried in it, her pillow in his arms as he clung to it. I laid behind him, spooning the man, like (Y/N) did any time one of us was too stressed or upset. 

"Did you decide?" he asked, still half asleep.

"I am staying, forever," I said.

"Good."

***

We woke up in the early hours of the morning, only getting a couple of hours of restless sleep. Sirius watching the ceiling, hands still clutching (Y/N)'s a pillow to his chest, chin resting on it. My forehead was on his shoulder, and the smell of the pillow was consuming me. She had to be okay. She had to survive. I had to make it better for every tear she had to shed because of me, even if it would take a couple of lifetimes. 

"Do you think she is alive?" Sirius asked, voice hoarse.

"I know that she is alive," I said, "Bad news travels fast, also if we didn't hear from her yet, means she is putting up a fight."

"She looked dead," Sirius said, "Bloody, weak, motionless. I thought she died."

"She will pull through it."

***

I helped Molly with breakfast, as Sirius went to shower. Harry was also awake, quiet and worried. I squeezed the boy's shoulder, knowing how important the woman was for him. I knew in his mind he accepted (Y/N) as his mother, and (Y/N) had no objections to it. 

"She will be okay," I promised, hoping to be right, "She is the strongest witch I know. She will return to us."

"What if she won't?" he whispered.

"She will."

"The spell she used, what was it? I never heard of it before."

"(Y/N) was creating a spell, a mass effect hex, to eliminate death eaters, multiple at times, targeting their Dark Marks."

"But why did it hurt her? She doesn't have a Dark Mark."

"Those kinds of spells take a lot from the caster," I tried to explain, "Think of Patronus, and how it drained you at first few times, you used it. It is similar, but as it breaks through the Dark Mark and targets many people, the energy and power it drained from (Y/N) probably were too much for her body to handle at once."

"Why would she do it then?" he asked, anger in his shaking voice.

"To protect you, to protect us, to end this hell of war," Sirius emerged from the corridor, "We all lost too many people, even before this war. She was done with losing."

"With the cost of her own life?" Harry raised her voice.

"If it meant the people she loves would be safe, yes," he said, "Like any of us would do."

"It is stupid."

"Don't you dare to disrespect (Y/N), Harry. That woman has suffered more than you could ever imagine and stayed who she is after everything she had to go through. You and I could die yesterday. We were at the end of Bellatrix' wand. And I will not let you call that woman any names, or judge her actions when we both are alive and breathing because she protected us." Sirius was never short with Harry, but he would protect (Y/N), from everyone and everything including his own godson. 

"Sorry," Harry muttered, moving to join Ron, who just entered the room.

"A bit harsh?" I asked, passing coffee to the sleep-deprived man, whose worry lines were deep as if he aged ten years in a night. 

"He needs to learn to respect her. James was the same. Underestimating her because she was soft, plump, not athletic, had anxiety. She is so much more than anyone bargained for. I won't let anyone, including Harry, to think that she is limited to qualities people believe are fit for her," he scoffed. 

"He loves and respects her," I said.

"As a mother figure," he said, "she is not limited to that. She is the strongest witch I know."

***

It was late morning when Dumbledore entered the house, drawing every eye to himself. 

"(Y/N) is alive and healing," he said. I breathed out the breath I was holding, "Minerva is with her, and will bring her in a few. Severus will return from a meeting soon also."

"Did the hex work?" Sirius asked.

"It did, not the way it was planned I believe," he said, "She managed to enter the Death Eaters' link, they had with one another, which means she affected every person with the mark, except Severus of course. We don't know if the effects are permanent, the time will show, but what I understand is, their magic is limited. I hope to gain more information with Severus' reports."

"The reason it took so much from her was, that she did not hex only the ones in the room but every single Death Eater?" I asked, and he nodded.

"What about Voldemort?" Harry asked.

"He was hit, too. I think not as hard as the others, but he was not undamaged."

"How is her condition?" Molly asked.

"She doesn't have any injuries. But you can imagine the energy the hex drained from her. She is drained and fatigued, in the simplest terms. Severus already prepared the potions she needs for recovery, I believe the healers will also prescribe some. But other than needing a lot of care and rest, she is not damaged. Several tests and examinations were done on her through the night, and everything is in order."

***

When McGonagall brought (Y/N) in, with Kingsley supporting her weight, it felt like the whole house become luminous. Sirius stepped in to took her from Kingsley's arms and hugged her to his chest, kissing her cheek. She looked better, clean and no blood on her face. But she looked tired, eyelids half done. I lifted her when Sirius passed her to me and took her to our room. I put her on the bed and looked for something to dress her in. She was watching me with bleary eyes. 

"Want a t-shirt or a dress, dove?" I asked.

"T-shirt, yours," she answered with a quiet voice, "and new knickers, please," she added shyly. 

"I pulled one of my softest t-shirts and her comfiest knickers, high waisted, dust pink with the most delicate lace on outer sides. I smiled at her sleepy form. 

"You are wonderful. You know that?" I said as I took off the shirt she wore, her upper half left naked, except the bra she was wearing, full tits pushed up, looking delicious. I unclasped that, freeing them. I was in no rush and enjoyed seeing her bare, so I moved to her pants, not bothering to dress her yet. After taking off those and her knickers, she was very much naked. Soft rolls and bumps all over, the skin was stretching over her plump flesh, looking soft and angelic. I kissed her bare shoulder, inhaling her scent that carried the smell of hospital too. 

"I love you," I said, looking directly into her (E/C) eyes, "And I know I have been an idiot, like every day of my life, and didn't notice until Sirius had to scream it at me. There is nothing going on between Tonks and me. And I didn't know she was flirting. I don't expect women to flirt with me, so when they do, someone has to point out for me to realise. If I did, I would have warned her and told her to stop. Because even if they asked me to choose from every woman in the world to love, to hold for the rest of my days, I would choose you. Never doubt that. Never doubt your place in my heart, your place in my soul, my love for you and your beauty. You are a beautiful woman, the perfection of a woman. And in my eyes and Sirius' no other woman can even compete with you. But I know you don't like your body, I know how it feels. You know I don't like mine either. But you love me, and your love makes everything feel better. Let me love you, and try to ease your darker thoughts?" I asked, cupping her face in my hands, pressing a kiss to her lips. They were drier than usual, but nothing could stop me from kissing her, tasting her sweet little mouth. Her arms wounded their way around my neck, her bare tits pressing against my clothed chest. I squeezed the meat in her side, skin soft and gentle under my palm. 

"I love you, too, Remus," she whispered. 

"Although I enjoy your body all nuddy, you are in dire need of sleep and rest," I said, pushing the t-shirt over her head. After putting her into her panties and brushing her hair and braiding it, she curled under the covers. 

"Can you read for me?" she asked, the moment Sirius entered the room and took of his day clothes and curled next to her. I did the same, grabbing a book and settled to her other side. She fell asleep in a few minutes, Sirius hugging her from behind as she laid on my chest. It didn't take us long to follow her into dreamland, even though it was the middle of the day.

***

Next days were focused on (Y/N), I have talked with Tonks, I have made it clear that (Y/N) was the only woman for me and I wouldn't leave her as long my heart kept beating. (Y/N) was weak and slept most of the day. Severus' potions and Molly's cooking, helped her gain the energy. She was not allowed to use any magic until she got back to normal. Sirius and I tried not to leave her side. Even if one of us had to, the other wouldn't. Sirius was having a field day. He was helping her stand up, sit down, eat, drink, every action that was mundane, and she didn't actually need any help. But the annoyance in her eyes, made Sirius be even more extra. Meanwhile, I was mostly focused on the activities that she did need help with, using stairs, dressing up, showering, anything that needed use of a lot of energy and magic. 

"You are having too much fun," she said, as she watched me choose her clothes and underwear for the day.

"Well you are a doll, and it is fun to dress you up," I laughed, looking at her naked form, sitting on the bed, tummy squished, hair loose, spilling over her (S/C) back. 

"What did Severus say?" she asked, Severus brought his report yesterday, but as it was her nap time, she was not allowed to join, and Sirius cuddled her until she was fully asleep and left under Harry and Hermione's watch. 

"Your hex worked," I said, putting on an emerald crushed velvet mesh lace-up halter bralette, fitting her tits into it and matching high waisted knickers, "All of the Death Eaters are affected, are not able to use magic in any hex and spells above OWL. Voldemort is less affected but is not able to strengthen himself. Sirius found Regulus' notes, which talked about Horcruxes, a couple of members are after them to destroy."

"It worked?" she asked in amazement, lifting her arms as I pushed the damson coloured dress over her head.

"Of course it did (Y/N)," I said, kneeling in front of her, holding her smaller hands in my palms, pressing kisses to her wrists, "You are one brilliant witch and of course you excelled in that hex. I told you, never doubt in yourself, your skills, your beauty. You are so much more than what you think of yourself to be," I said, pecking her lips and moving behind her to pull her soft hair into a bun. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think!


	25. Sun After The Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader is healing and her relationship with the boys is growing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't judge me for making things easier.

"Are you really enjoying this so much?" I asked as Remus' large hands rubbed my back, massaging the flesh, scrubbing the skin. It was the tenth day after the battle, boys have been extraordinary. After the first few days, they decided to baby me, like I was their newborn. Merlin knows how Remus somehow found some skincare products, body scrubs, massage oils, body lotions, bath salts and bombs. Merlin, the man knew how to use his big warm hands, kneading my flesh, relaxing me to no limit. Currently, I was seated in lavender-scented bathwater as Remus was rubbing the dead skin off of my back as Sirius was sitting on the other side of the tub, washing my hair.

"Touching you?" asked Sirius, his slender fingers digging into my skull, "Very."

"No, babying me," I said, as Remus rinsed my back, pressing a kiss to my left shoulder blade. 

"We are not babying you," he said, pulling my leg out of the water, and squeezing some product in his hand, massaging my calf and foot with it, "we are taking care of our sweet dove. And you don't get to complain," he said, pinching my ankle softly, "How many times did you take care of us after a full moon or any other trouble we went into headfirst?"

"Also," Sirius added, "You are quite lovely to touch. All soft and warm and gorgeous."

"I never bought a full cabinet of beauty products to smear all over you both," I said, not being able to hold my moan, as Remus' fingers found a sweet spot just under my knee. 

"Can't deny you like it, darling," Sirius laughed and rinsed my hair, as Remus changed the leg he was massaging. 

"It is not just about me liking or not liking it," I said, "You are putting too much work. I don't like being a burden."

"You could never be a burden," Remus said.

"I will bite your tit off if you'll talk about yourself like that ever again," Sirius said, slapping my chest softly, "You have been putting up with our bullshit for years now, belle, just let us pamper you this once."

"You two always pamper me," I whined, letting Remus help me stand up to rinse my body, "I just want the two of you to get sick of me."

"We could never pamper you enough or get sick of you, my love," Remus said, whispering me to close your eyes, "I know you are used to being independent and are not used to being pampered, but you better get used to this." He said, hands brushing my hips and bum. Sirius welcomed me into a fluffy bathrobe, his arms around my waist. He sat me on the stool, putting some hair conditioner and brushing it. 

"You sleepy, baby?" Sirius asked with a soft voice. 

"I am not an actual baby you both are aware of that, correct?" I asked, the annoyance in my voice making both men laugh. 

***

"Is it Remus' turn to join the meeting?" I asked, as I half climbed into Sirius' broad warm chest. He met my lips halfway, pulling me into a gentle kiss, his lips warm, breath minty. The hand around my waist was moving to my tummy, squeezing it, my leg curling around his hips to pull myself closer to the man. Merlin, Sirius knew how to make me crazy, his hands always knew where to go to make me feel things, how to touch me to make my heart skip a beat. 

"It is," he nodded, into my lips, grey eyes boring right into mine, capturing my soul, "Which leaves you in my arms."

"I like being in your arms," I murmured, I did, Sirius was an endless source of safety and love for me. Never have I felt scared or unloved when he was around. 

"That's good," he said, squeezing my soft tummy once more, "You are not leaving them any time soon. Never, if I have a say in it," he said, leaning into me once more, pushing me backwards, laying me on my back and kissing me to the oblivion. His nose nudging my jaw and nose lightly, between kisses, his hands were finding their ways to my lips and bottom. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, holding his chest pressed to mine, wrapping my thicker legs around his leaner ones.

"Fuck, I would love to fuck you right now," he said, pressing his pant covered groin into mine. Not fully erected but still prominent and though.

"Then fuck me, Siri. I hadn't felt you or Remmy in me in so long. I want both of you so bad."

"You are still weak, my love," he whispered, lips softly covering my neck. 

"I can stay still. You can have your way with me. You can fuck the life out of me. I will just stay still, like a good girl," I moaned, the heat of his lips, burning the fire inside me much hotter, "You always fuck me so good, Siri. You always know how to fuck me," my hips were up to meet his, the dress already rolled up to my underbelly, the thin material of my panties not helping a lot to my wetness seeping out. I knew he could smell it, being Animagus, a dog, sharpened his senses, especially smell. 

"Remus will kill me," Sirius moaned.

"Damn right I will," we heard from the door, where the tall man was resting against.

"Moony," I moaned, looking at him. He looked so handsome, Merlin, the man, was always so bloody attractive.

"Hello, dove," he said, laying next to me, as Sirius was still on top of me. His long thick finger found its way under my chin, turning me to face him fully, and pressed his soft lips to mine. I gave a deep sigh, tasting his sweet taste, a mixture of chocolate and Yorkshire Tea. Sirius, not losing any time, dived into the newly exposed skin of my throat. Rocking his hips into mine softly, the rough material of his pants rubbing against my lace covered clit, bringing me closer and closer to the edge.

"I love both of you so much," I whispered, Remus' lips touching mine with every syllable, "I am so in love with both of you." They both murmured love yous and other praises their lips painting my skin. 

"I need you, both," I moaned, Sirius' fingers deep inside me, finger fucking me lazily, his hard dick resting against my thigh. Remus' lips still captured mine, his hand buried in my hair, nails scratching my scalp slowly. 

"Darling," Remus said, "You are healing."

"I don't need to be on top. I just need to feel my boys," I moaned, Sirius' fingers curling deep into me, "I need a release Remmy."

"Fuck, sweetheart," he whispered, "You know we can't say no to you. Not when you are such a crumpet."

"Can I go first?" Sirius whispered, grey eyes almost black with lust, his defined cheeks tinted with pink, pretty mouth slightly open, tongue grazing the lower one.

"Yeah," Remus said, taking off my dress, leaving me in my lingerie. Sirius got rid of his clothes in a heartbeat, leaving his tattoo-covered fit torso and fully erected cock in display. He pushed my knickers to the side, and urgently but gently pushed the head of it inside me, I couldn't help the mewl escaping my lips at the feeling of him filling me. It has been too long since I had one of them inside. My whole body was yearning for the men beside and on top of me. He gave a shuddered breath when he was fully inside, his pubic bone grazing my clit, balls tight against my bum. 

"Hell, I almost forgot how amazing it feels to be inside you," he said, leaning in, kissing the breath out of my lungs, his hands firm on my hips, a bruising hold moulding them. I could feel Remus watching as and touching himself which combined with Sirius' rhythm and brushes against my clit, was enough to push me over the edge. Sirius followed not far behind me, emptying his seed into my depths. He slid to my other side after a deep kiss, letting Remus take over. But the said man was in no rush, his fingers dancing on my belly, my sides, my arms, as if he was purposely not touching anywhere sexual, just enjoying the feel of my skin.

"Moony," I moaned, pushing his warm hand between my legs, I was soaking with my own juices, with Sirius' cum, and I was hoping to be even wetter with Remus'. I knew Remus or Sirius would never be repelled by each others' or my sexual or bodily fluids, spending so much time together through so many things, erased any sense of prejudice against each other. 

"Yes, dove?" he asked, kissing my shoulder, his breath fanning the skin of my neck. 

"Fuck me already," I said, desperation in my voice, Sirius laughed, sleepy eyes on me, watching me beg for Remus' dick. 

"Fuck the girl, Moony," he said, "Look how pretty and wet she is for you."

"She is gorgeous," he said, a lovely smile on his lips, "She is breathtaking and very wet," he said, patting my pussy softly, "And I would love to fuck her. But," he said, spreading his fingers on my belly, pressing down softly, "She is even prettier when she is desperate."

"Moons," I whined, pulling him to my lips. He didn't put much resistance really, smiling into the kiss, deepening it by caging me between himself and the mattress. 

"You are the most beautiful creature in this whole universe," he whispered, pecking my nose, "The most gorgeous woman, I have ever seen," he continues, lips finding the sweet spot under my jaw, continuing his journey downwards, following my carotid, "Such a sweet little thing."

"You are so handsome Remmy," I moaned, enjoying how his beard scratched the sensitive skin of my neck and chest, "I love you," I moaned as he freed my tits from the bra, taking one in his mouth, sucking on it, biting on it. Sirius's hand curled around my other tit, rolling it, squeezing it softly. I knew he was done for the night, but he would never pass an opportunity to grope me. 

"Open your legs, gorgeous," Remus ordered, getting rid of his clothes, rubbing the head of his swollen dick, pink tip wet with precum. I widened my legs as wide as I could, anticipating the moment he would slide into me. He didn't make me wait any longer, as he was balls deep in me in one swift movement. I gave out a long mewl, as he fucked me in a swift and strong rhythm. It didn't take me long to come undone under his strong frame, and he followed me, his thick cum painting my inner walls.

"I want you to stay like this tonight," Remus whispered.

"Like what, Moony?" I asked, confused. I already was going to sleep naked. I almost always did after sex with boys. 

"Like this, with our cum inside you. Until morning."

"Fuck, you kinky bastard," Sirius moaned from my other side,

"I don't think I had a birth potion," I said, not very panicked though, might be the orgasms they gave me or the fact that nothing could scare me with these two beside me. 

"I think we could take a chance," Remus said, hopeful look in his eyes, "Don't you think?" he asked both of us.

"I would love to see you with a swollen belly. You know that" Sirius said, kissing my jaw.

"I already have a swollen belly," I laughed.

"Imagine it bigger, with our pups," Sirius said, rubbing my tummy.

"Babies," Remus corrected, "Hopefully fully wizard babies."

"Doesn't matter," I said, linking my fingers with Remus', pulling his hand to my lips, kissing his palm, "We would love them."

"We would," Sirius nodded.

"How do baby werewolves look like?" I asked, I always was curious, "I know you don't like to talk about it," I said, settling on his chest, pulling Sirius to rest against my chest, and he put an arm around my middle, "Do you know how you looked when you first transformed?"

"Not really, no," he said.

"I bet you were cute," I said, "A little wolfie, tiny, cuddly," I said, "You are still cute, human or werewolf. But I mean, a tiny you, would be cuter," I mumbled, earning a laugh from Remus. Not a bitter one, not any more, he knew it didn't matter if he was a werewolf or not, we would love him, "I wish we turned you into an Animagus earlier," I said, pulling Sirius' hair softly. 

"I am a cute pup," he spoke against my tummy.

"You are an enormous hound, barely a pup, but you'd look cute as a pup," I said.

***

After that day, both Sirius and Remus were more playful with me, their act of me being a glass doll was lessened. By no means it meant they weren't gentle or doting, they just gave me a bit more independence. Harry, after staying a few weeks with the Weasleys was back. I was reading in the living room of Grimmauld's Place when he arrived, 

"(Y/N)!" he said, as he dropped beside me and hugged me. 

"Hello, baby," I said, smiling and ruffling his soft dark hair, pressing a kiss to his forehead. 

"Are you okay?" he whispered, bright eyes full of fear, "Are you in any pain?"

"I am okay, love," I promised, holding his hand in mine, it was slightly bigger than mine now, the boy was growing up so fast, "No pain, just a bit fatigued. But nothing to worry about, even those two are letting me climb the stairs by myself," I laughed softly. And he smiled, relief filling his whole face.

"You were terrific," he said, excitedly, "Everyone is talking about you! Everyone! The Death Eaters are not able to use spells more complicated than me in the second year! And Ministry is catching them one by one, Moody said so, and Voldemort! They are so close! Most of the Horcruxes are destroyed! Dumbledore is on it! And Snape!"

"That's amazing, baby," I said, squeezing his fingers. 

"You are a legend now!" he said, smiling, "You made history!"

"I just did what I needed to protect all of you," I said, kissing his cheek softly, as he rested on my shoulder, "It is better now isn't it? We are safe now."

"We are, thanks to you."

***

I woke up with kisses plastered all over my shoulders and neck, opening my eyes to stormy grey ones, Sirius, the man's handsome face right in front of mine,

"Well, good morning, petit chou," he whispered, pecking my nose, "How is my sweet girl this morning?"

"Nothing about me is petit, Pads," I said, laughing and rolling into the man's chest, Remus was already up, probably in the shower.

"Yeah," he whispered, his hands finding their ways to my chest and arse,  
"Especially these tits and botty," he said, squeezing.

"You are a dirty old man," I said, slapping his peck softly.

"Well, have you seen my girlfriend? The woman is dripping with sex appeal, and I am only a man, how can I say no to your beauty?"

"Somehow, you had more control over your dick when you were a teenage boy," I said.

"I was scared to lose you," he said, into my neck, hugging me close to his sturdy torso, "You were, still are, the best thing I had ever had. And Merlin was I in love with your cute little face, but the fear of not having you by my side, not having you in my arms was scarier."

"You could never lose me," I said, kissing his jaw softly, inhaling his clean scent, "I could never live without your handsome face in my life."

"Hmm, you think I am handsome?" he teased.

"Everyone you are handsome Black," I said, tickling his ribs softly, "I thought you knew about it. Even bloody Azkaban couldn't take that away from you."

"I never was worried about it there, you know?" he whispered, voice more sombre but still carried lightness in it, "I didn't care about my looks, about my hair, about my health. Azkaban and Dementors could take it away from me, all of those. But I was so scared, I was terrified, it would take you away from me. That you would forget me when I got out, if I got out, you won't be there. You won't be waiting for me, that was what I was scared of. Of not having you to return to."

"Darling," I said softly, cupping his face in my hands, pulling him down for a kiss, "I could never forget you, Sirius. I could never not love you. You are my family, don't you ever forget that. I love you, just like I love Remus but even he could not replace you, or you could not replace him, there is like two you shaped holes in my heart, and you fill them perfectly. I know I am a silly woman, for not realising how much in love with you I was for years, for thinking it was just deep love for a friend, for the person who was my family, who was there for me from the day one, but you know me, Siri, you know my family. I had bullshit parents. I never knew what a family was supposed to be, what it meant to be loved. You gave me a family. You taught me how to love," I whispered to his lips, as he pulled me into a kiss, the kiss salty his tears, but still a soft, sweet one. One of my hands resting right above his heart, the other deep in his curls, enjoying the softness. His hands were on my hips, squeezing, pulling me closer, our legs tangled, knees fitting to each other. 

"You are the reason I keep everything together, you know," he whispered, voice muffled in my mouth, "You give me so much power, so many reasons to keep living. You always did, you know—my darling, precious girl."

***

  
Remus liked to read on the balcony in evenings, his handsome silhouette visible from the living room. Sirius was talking with Harry, about our younger days, I was watching the blond man reading, his broad shoulders covered by a soft blue cardigan, socked feet relaxed in front of him, brown pants covering his strong legs. Merlin, the man was work of art. 

"Stop ogling, Moony," Sirius snickered from the side, "We are kind of in a relationship now, you can bother him, you know."

"But he looks so peaceful," I said. And Sirius pushed me softly towards the balcony. I giggled and went to join the blond.

"Hi, love," I said shyly, he lifted his gold-flecked green eyes to me, and a handsome smile appeared on his face.

"Hello, there," he said, putting his books to the side and opening his arms, inviting me to his lap. I couldn't help the girly giggle escaping my lips as I sat on his sturdy thigs. I put my arms around his shoulders to ease some of the weight from his legs. His arm wrapped itself loosely around my back. I rested my forehead on his temple, pressing a kiss to his jaw. 

"You looked handsome," I said, scratching his chest gently, "You looked like a painting."

"You know what they say, dove, the beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And we all can clearly see that your beauty is not limited to your eye."

"Such a flirt you are Lupin," I said, kissing the corner of his mouth. The night air was chilly, but Remus was like a human heater, I moved closer to the warmth of his chest.

"And such a lovely lass you are," he said, smiling, pulling me tighter. 

"Such a beautiful night, isn't it?" I asked.

"Could never compare to you," he smiled.

I closed my eyes, inhaling his scent, he bundled me up in his warmth and safety. His softly humming a song, his fingers drawing circles on my back, my thigs. Remus was the sweetest man I knew, and his calm and peaceful nature making me feel more relaxed. 

"You okay, love?" he whispered, careful not to disturb the tranquillity around us. 

"I am, just missed you. And you looked beautiful, Sirius teased me."

"About what love?"

"About me ogling you," I said, "He said I could approach you, we were dating now."

"He is an arse. You know that" he smiled, "And, he can tease himself, all the times he ogles you. But, he is right in one thing, you can always approach me, you can always throw yourself at me, you can do anything you want with me. We are in a relationship, and I love you, I am deeply, desperately in love with you."

***

My tits were killing me, never in my life, have I felt this sore, there. I nearly cut Sirius' hand off when he squeezed me there. Remus was more delicate with me and the subject that was my tits. I was peeing twice as much, and my stomach couldn't hold anything.

"Darling girl," Remus whispered, as he was rubbing my back softly, "Is it possible that you are pregnant, my love? Sirius said you missed your period by three weeks almost."

"Pregnant?" I asked, fuck, was I pregnant?

"We didn't use any protection charms for a while now, love," he said softly, "And, we both know how our sexual activities increased in the last few months, especially us finishing in your sweet little body."

"Fuck, Moony," I whispered, "Do you think I am pregnant?"

"I am not certain, love. But the symptoms fit, and we put some great work to make it possible," he smiled, kissing a long warm kiss to my forehead.

"Where is Pads?" I asked I needed both of my boys.

"Went to pick up some Muggle pregnancy tests, probably will bring hundreds of them just to be sure. Prepare yourself to pee litres," he laughed, "Also, I owled Severus for pregnancy potion. So we will test both types."

"How long have you been suspecting this?" I asked him.

"A few days now didn't want to bother you or worry you before we were sure."

"What if I am pregnant Rem?" I asked.

"I would be very happy, so will be Sirius but I am not sure how we will be able to control him."

"I don't want our baby to be here, at this house," I murmured.

"I know, love," he said, "but soon we will be able to move back. Voldemort and his minions are almost gone. And as soon as everything is safe, we all can move back."

"Can we move to Yorkshire? I would love to grow our child there. Maybe he would grow up to be as sweet as you are," I winked at him making him blush. It was rare to make Remus blush, with his witty and sassy nature but once every while the luck was on my side. "Do you think it is yours or Sirius'?" I asked. 

"Does it matter?" 

"To me? No. I know you both would make pretty babies and it won't be our final child. I want to see both combinations—me with you and me with Siri. But we will see how it goes, I guess."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think.


	26. The Bump

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first trimester.

Sirius did bring two bags of Muggle pregnancy test, bless Remus' vision and making me drink three glasses of water. I did pee litres to make all the tests, now all three of us were sitting on the floor of the bathroom, me between the two men waiting for the tests. We left the pregnancy potion last as it would give the fast result and we wanted the excitement of it. 

"How many lines?" Sirius asked as Remus grabbed the first test. I was peaking from above his shoulder, Sirius hugging me to his chest from behind, arms were thrown over around my shoulder like a cape. My lips were pressed to the back of Remus' shoulder, my nose pressed onto it inhaling the man's calming scent deep into my chest. 

"Two," he whispered, shock and happiness tinting his voice.

"Two?" I asked. Sirius lunged to check the other tests, but Remus was convinced as the test was just the confirmation of what he already suspected. 

"We are pregnant, my love," he said, turning to me, cupping my face in the warmth of his palms, pressing a loving kiss to my lips. 

"We are," I whispered, looking into his golden eyes, a beautiful smile gracing his plump lips, he looked happier, younger. I lifted my hands to follow the old scar stretching across his handsome face with my fingertips, lingering on where it met his lip, he pressed a small kiss to the pad of my thumb.

"We are going to be parents!" Sirius screamed, throwing himself to us, pulling both of us into his chest. I cuddled into him, kissing his collar bone softly.

"We are," I repeated still too drunk from happiness and excitement of the situation. I couldn't even feel the aches of change on my body, which I shared with a tiny human now. 

"So, Yorkshire?" Remus asked I met his gaze with a flush. 

"Can we?" I asked I wanted to spend my pregnancy there. I wanted this baby to born there. I wanted this baby to grow up there, safe and beautiful. 

"We can," he nodded, "If you still want to, of course. I talked with Dumbledore. He is positive that it will be safe. Additional protections were placed on the property, just in case. And, we always will be there, both Sirius and I can protect you and the baby from everything and anything. And when you are fully healed, we all know you can protect anyone from anything."

***

It was the third month of my pregnancy, and we finally were moving to Yorkshire. Me, Remus, Sirius and Harry. Molly and the Weasley children came with us to help, but both of my boyfriends prohibited me from doing any kind of work and Molly was appointed as my baby sitter. 

"You started showing quite early," she said my now rounder belly.

"I wasn't expecting actually," I confessed, "With having a belly prior to this, I thought it wouldn't be this obvious until a bit later."

"In your next appointment, I think you should ask the doctor to check for twins darling," she said.

"Twins? I am not sure if any of us have twins in family history."

"Maybe not maternal twins but fraternal twins? Merlin knows how many tries those two did for a baby; it wouldn't be a shock that they made two," she said, laughing and living me blushing.

"Molly!" I said, frustrated.

"Come on, dear. One has to be blind to ignore all the love bites, and hickeys all over you and the way those two drink you in whenever you step into a room, and they are not really good at keeping their hands off of you."

***

Sirius always kept a hand around my belly, while Remus tended to rub my lower back, easing tension. At nights they both cuddled me close, cooling the room with a spell if it got too warm from our joined body heats. Harry was sweet as always helping me distract the men when they got too much. Weasleys were constant visitors, Molly bringing me various potions to support baby's growth and my body. 

Currently, all three of us were soaking in a warm bath, both men rubbing my belly with bath oils. Having a pregnancy belly was weird as many people acted as if it was a second person rather than a part of my body. 

"Your tits look so delicious," Sirius said, cupping one, "Bigger than usual. We are lucky you can't get pregnant more than once because we would be in trouble."

"About that," I said, Remus, looked at me as his arm made its way around my shoulder.

"What is it, dove?"

"My belly is bigger than it supposed to be," I said.

"You are a curvaceous woman and carrying a child," Sirius said. 

"No, that's not what I mean," I giggled at his suggestive brows, "Molly said that it might be twins. That's why my belly might be more prominent than it was supposed to be in this phase of the pregnancy."

"Twins?" Remus asked, shocked.

"I don't have any twins in my family, do you?" Sirius asked us both. 

"I don't," Remus said.

"They don't have to be maternal," I tried to explain, "Molly said, too much sex while trying might have done that."

"There is no such thing as too much sex," Sirius scoffed, "But Molly might be right, we got too into the baby-making at some point."

"You don't think it would be hard?" I asked, "First time parenting and two babies?"

"Darling, maybe in a regular coupley relationship it could be, but there are three of us. Also, Harry is here, and I have no doubt that Molly will camp here as soon as you hit the last trimester."

"She also has an army of children who she can lend to us," Sirius laughed, kissing my shoulder. 

"We will be okay?" I asked.

"We will be terrific," both said.

***

It was the day we were visiting the doctor, both Sirius and Remus were coming with me, none wanting to miss a second of the pregnancy experience. I was sandwiched between the two men, holding both of their hands, Remus reading a newspaper while Sirius was chatting with me softly. I could see the other women's and men's gazes on us, on my boys mostly. I couldn't blame them; both were a sight for sore eyes—Sirius with his sharp features and alluring eyes, and Remus with his tall build and smart face. They called our name, and Sirius helped me get up as Remus opened the door for us. The practice was a mixed one. They used Muggle technology and wizarding techniques. The ultrasound machine was something I liked, as it gave us the opportunity to see our babies before they are born. 

"Doctor," Remus said with a kind voice, "could we check if we are pregnant with twins?"

"Oh, you have a family history of twins?" the middle-aged man asked.

"We don't really, but we might have done too much work while trying for the baby," Sirius smirked, gaining a slap on the chest from me.

***

I was pregnant with twins, and both men were joyful, we decided to stop at a cafe, for dessert, we sat on a quiet corner of a small cafe, a cosy table with a large sofa facing the outside. My legs are thrown over Sirius's thighs, my back firmly pressed against Remus' chest. I was forbidden from coffee, so I was drinking green tea with jasmine, while boys were drinking some earl grey.

"Two babies, huh?" Remus said, and Sirius smiled wider than ever. 

"We'll have so much fun! I bet they'll be pretty like you," he said, rubbing my belly. 

"Do you think about which one of you is the father? Is this important?" I asked, looking at my fingers, trying to contain my nerves. I could feel them exchanging glances. 

"Darling," Sirius said softly, rubbing my ankles tickling my feet softly, "I couldn't give less fuck about who banged you up, me or Moons. Would I like them to be one of me one from him? Yeah, just to see how the combination would be with your prettiness. Other than that, I couldn't care less. You two are the most important people I have in my heart, and you know how I feel about Harry, my best mate's child, imagine how I would feel about it if they were two of your's, I loved Lily, she was a fantastic friend, but we all know how deep my feelings go for the two of you. I would love these ankle biters no mather who the daddy is."

"The only thing that worries me about the babies' father is if it is me, would my condition affect them," Remus confessed. I held onto his hand, kissing the scar on its back.

"It doesn't matter Moony," Sirius said, "That is a very low possibility, but, even if it happens, even if they have lycanthropy, we have Wolfsbane, we have you and me, and I think that I can handle a baby werewolf, I handled your dramatic arse for years, even on full moons," he said smirking and making me laugh. 

"We can give a paternity test in a month," I said softly.

"We should, to make sure if they have lycanthropy your health is not affected," Remus said, kissing the top of my head softly. 

"I will be okay," I promised, "I have two handsome men obsessed with me and my health, a boy who thinks I am made of glass and a woman who had gone through this six times, I think I will be more than okay."

"Blaming us for loving you, woman!" Sirius exclaimed, lifting my foot to his mouth to bite my leg.

"Sirius, we are in public!"

"Don't give a shite!" he smirked. 

****

Remus and Sirius were cooking dinner, as Harry and I were choosing a film to watch to. 

"They are acting even crazier, aren't they?" he asked, smiling.

"They are," I nodded, "but it is sweet, they are sweet. Sometimes it gets tiring. I can't deny it, but it is nice to be taken care of, especially by the two of them."

"Are you worried about having twins?" he asked, "I know it is not the best example, but Fred and George are the only twins I know, and they are quite chaotic."

"Merlin, those boys are shambolic," I laughed, "And if these children or even one of them take after Sirius, we are doomed. But Remus and I always were good at restraining him. Maybe those skills will also work for the babies?"

"Do you know who the father is? Or if both are?" he asked shyly.

"Not yet, we will get a paternity test to prepare ourselves in case babies, or one of them, have inherited lycanthropy. Remus is worried, he always is, you know him."

"Are you worried about it?"

"No, not really. I never cared about Remus' condition, well except after the full moons, I hated the way he was in pain. Half the reason I learned the first aid and the healing spells this good was because I had to make sure his pain wouldn't last long, he wouldn't be stuck at the hospital wing alone, the other half were Sirius and your father. Mostly not on the full moon, though, they both were reckless idiots," I laughed, "Sorry, to be the one saying it but you are also a reckless idiot most of the times. Thank god Hermione is a smart girl who can reign you and Ron."

"You didn't reign them?" he asked, curious and excited look in his bright eyes, he loved stories about his father.

"Oh, it was four against one. And I was in love with Remus. I would jump off a cliff if he asked me to. Sirius hated that. I know Remus looks all sensible and logical, but he was just mischievous as Sirius and James. He just was smarter to hide. And Lily did not really join the group before the last year. Your dad was annoying her so much."

"Do you miss it? Not my mum and dad, I know you miss them, but being in Hogwarts, being that age?"

"I miss how carefree we were, well I crushed on Remus and it was unrequited love for most of my life, and it sucked, you can ask Sirius how much it sucked, he was forced to watch all of it. But I loved our time in Hogwarts, Sirius and I were best friends, closer than best friends, and he kept me alive, all his life. I know you know my mental health issues, Severus probably mentioned it. I what people think of Sirius, even before the Azkaban, everyone thought of him as a player and bad boy, but he is the most caring and responsible person I know. He made my life better; he always does."

"Wouldn't it be terrific if both were the fathers? A baby each?" he asked.

"I secretly hope for that," I confessed, "don't tell them. But I think Sirius hopes for that too."

"Remus?"

"Remus," I exhaled slowly, "Remus is terrified if the babies are his, I think he would go all crazy. Afraid for them to have lycanthropy, and affect my pregnancy."

"But is it possible?"

"Everything is possible," I smiled at the boy, "But babies having lycanthropy is a very low one, it affecting me is much lower."

***

The beauty of Remus' cottage was the nature, I could kill for that garden, especially right now, as I was laying on Remus' chest sunbathing together. Sirius took Harry out to explore the area, which left us alone. 

"Got enough sun, darling?" he asked, kissing my forehead.

"Can't we lay here a bit more, the weather is gorgeous, and the sun is doing wonders for my bones."

"You are gorgeous," he said, rubbing my belly, "And you'll get sunstroke."

"I won't," I smiled, reaching to kiss the man. He welcomed me halfway, stirring the kiss into a long, soft, lovely direction. His fingers caressing the curve of my back, softly tapping my bum. I rested a hand over his heart, enjoying the steady beat of it. 

"I love you," I whispered, into his lips, "I love you so much, Remmy." 

"I love you too, my darling girl," he smiled, hugging me close to his body. 

"Are you still worried? About the babies?"

"Even if they are mine and werewolves we can take care of them, Sirius is right. It will be a hard life, but we are in a better world than when I was a kid. I am worried about you," he said softly, "I am worried sick about you, and what could happen to you if the babies were werewolves."

"I am tough," I offered.

"You are, my love, of course, you are. But your body went through a lot these last few months, and you still are not fully healed from the hex. Even if you were, there are tales, that werewolf babies can eat the mother from the inside,"

"Tales, my love," I said, "No recorded case?"

"I have been researching lately, even nothing that tragedic happens, the werewolf baby tends to take all the nutrients in the mother's body to itself, and you have two."

"I will be okay," I promised, kissing his jaw softly, "I am doing great so far, and I plan to keep doing this way. What do you want, a boy or a girl?"

"Two healthy babies," he said, looking up to the sky, "but a boy and a girl would be beautiful."

"Yours or Sirius'?" 

"In an ideal world, both, but with the risk of lycanthropy, I hope they are both his. The DNA doesn't really matter to me, I know I haven't been very close with Harry, but being his former Professor and the circumstances we met."

"It is not, that is it?" I asked, softly, lifting myself on my elbow, looking at his scarred face, "You and Sirius were not on the best terms when Harry was born, we didn't know it was Peter, and you two suspected each other."

"We were stupid."

"You were scared, both of you. I know Sirius was terrified, I was terrified."

"You never suspected me?"

"Remus," I said firmly, "Of course I didn't. And it was not because I was in love with you or that I had a soft spot for you. You were, still are, a loyal man who is very good at separating what is right and what is evil. I knew you would protect us with your life, even Peter then if it came to that. But you are bad at showing and handling your emotions, better than I am, but still, you are a closed man. You and Sirius are completely opposite when it comes to that. And Sirius is shit on emphasizing with others' ways of showing emotion, except for me. So he took your quietness for guilt, and you keeping your fears to yourself as signs of betrayal."

"And me?"

"You were jealous," I said, kissing his nose, "because, like it or not, you had a crush on me and you were jealous of what Sirius had, me," I couldn't deny how much I enjoyed the blush covering his face.

"I," he stuttered.

"Come on, Remmy," I laughed, kissing him once more. 

"I can't deny I was," he admitted.

"I know," I said, curling back into his chest.

***

Sirius was brushing my hair, braiding it loosely. He was pressing random kisses to the back of my neck every once in a while, as Remus was helping Harry on his DADA studying. 

"He will be a good dad," Sirius noted.

"You will be a good dad."

"And you will be one hot mother," he said, biting my shoulder softly. 

"He is still worried," I said, resting against Sirius' warm chest, his locks tickling my skin.

"He is always worried, especially when it comes to you."

"I don't want him to worry. I don't want him to blame himself."

"That is his nature, mon amour," Sirius sighed softly, "He is like you, sadly. You both always blame yourselves and take it out of yourselves. Even after the paternity tests if they are mine, or after the negative lycanthropy test, if they are his, he will keep worrying because he loves you. He will worry a lot more after the babies are born, he will worry about them crawling around, teething, crying, burping, growing up. But we both will be with him, and keep him sane."


	27. The Tests

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Babies' genders, health condition and general pregnancy fluff.

It was still middle of the night when I woke up. It was the night of the full moon, and boys were out. Being in the Yorkshire cottage meant we were surrounded by forest and nearest people living around were not close. Harry was back at school, which meant I was alone at the house. I craved their presence around me. I knew the moon was almost gone so wrapping myself in one of Remus' long cardigans and Sirius' wool socks I made my way downstairs to boil some water for tea. It was almost morning. I knew they were about to be back soon. I found some chocolate cookies and warmed them for their returns. After grabbing my tea, I went to sit in the swinging garden chair, to wait for my men: Morning air crisp and fresh, quiet and peaceful. After some time, I heard their footsteps, slow and steady. 

"What are you doing up, dove?" Remus asked, softly, he looked drained, but his senses were still higher than Sirius'.

"Couldn't sleep without my boys," I said smiling, both sat on my sides, Remus pulled me to his chest for me to lean on, as Sirius' forehead found its place on my neck. Both rested a hand on my grown belly.

"Are you both okay?" I asked, and they hummed. Remus pressed a kiss on top of my head.

"Are you feeling cold, my love?" he asked, "You don't have any pain do you, darling?"

"I am good, better than I was, now that you two are here. You don't have any injuries, do you?"

"Nope," Sirius said, eyes already closed, he was half asleep.

"Let's go upstairs, love," Remus said, helping me stand up, placing a hand on my back to support me, "I can carry you anywhere, but I am not carrying Sirius' arse upstairs."

"I thought you love me Moony," Sirius pouted.

"I would carry you if I could Siri," I said, patting his cheek. 

"Remus would kill me," he smiled, getting up to follow us to our bedroom.

"Yes, I would. You are a grown man. You can walk."

Upstairs, I was curled between their chests, face buried in Sirius' neck, as Remus spooned me from behind, one hand firm around my belly, protective, possessive in a flattering way. Sirius smell lulling me to sleep, the man always has been my safe place, my rock. Even though I was utterly in love with Remus, with every cell in my body, with every breath I took in, Sirius was different. Sirius was my power source. He was my guardian angel. Even in the middle of a war when we were barely adults, him being there made me forget every fear that crossed my mind. Sirius was the reason I slept soundly, feeling his warmth, feeling his presence next to mine was the reason I could escape the nightmares. I loved both men with all my being, but it still was different, the way my heart speed up at their thoughts in my mind, the song it sang when I saw them. And I loved loving both of them in their unique ways. I couldn't stop the smile spreading across my lips when I felt Remus nuzzle his face in my neck, his lips pressing a small kiss on my skin. I closed my eyes feeling complete and content. My boys were safe and with me. 

***

"What do you think about a picnic, darling?" Remus asked as he saw me enter the room. 

"Where?" I asked softly, "I would love to go to the forest but with pregnancy bladder, I am not sure if this is a good idea," I said sitting next to him, moving under his arm, resting against his side.

"Still pee too much?" he asked, smiling.

"Every half an hour," I said, enjoying the feel of his lips on my shoulder.

"You look beautiful, though," he smiled, caressing my bump softly, "I didn't think it was possible for the most gorgeous woman in the world get even more gorgeous. But here you are," he smiled, "Glowing."

"Well, I have two very handsome, loving men who are very obsessed with taking care of me," I smiled, as he pulled me to his lap, his lips on mine. 

"Clever lads they are then," he smiled, "A woman like you should be cherished, worshipped."

"Stop, you sweet, sweet man," I said, pecking his nose softly. I brushed his hair back, getting the full view of his handsome face, his eyes bright and golden. I traced the old scars colouring his handsome face, enjoying the way his short stubble scratched the pads of my fingers. 

"Why would I stop praising my beautiful girlfriend?" he smirked, "I am very taken with the woman."

"She is very taken with you, too," I smiled.

"I hope so, really, she might be carrying my pups and everything."

"What is with you and Sirius and calling my children pups?" I whined.

"Well, darling, you seem to have a type, which is canines. And since when are they your children, I thought it was between the three of us and everything?"

"Since you and Black starting calling MY children, pups," I said, flicking his ear. 

"We are calling OUR children, pups," he laughed, making me smile. I loved it when Remus was happy. I loved when his laugh, his smile, his chuckles. I hugged him as best as I could, with the belly and the pups, as the man named them.

"I love you," I couldn't hold myself. Remus denied himself love for so long, that all I wanted to do, now that I could, was to give him all the love I could. To love him as much as I could. To make him feel loved, happy, content. He smiled at me, a soft, loving smile. 

"I love you, too, my dove," he said, "more than anything in this world."

"So, what about the picnic?" I asked.

"In the garden?" he asked, " On the table, maybe. With your belly and everything."

"You are right, as always," I smiled, "Such a smart man you are," I said, not being able to stop the dreaminess in my voice, as I traced his jawbone with my finger. Beautiful man. 

"Stop," he said blushing—my soft, beautiful man.

"What if I won't?" I smiled.

"I would tickle you," he said, "but, I think we will have to postpone it a few months."

"So, a picnic?" I asked.

A few hours later, Remus and I were placing the things we cooked and baked on the garden table, Sirius was just back from London, from a meeting with Dumbledore and the rest of the Order. Everything was good and almost totally safe. Voldemort gone, Death Eaters mostly captured. Severus sent some more potions for my pregnancy. Sirius was busy boiling the kettle, while Remus was filling my plate and lighting the candles. 

"Do you seriously believe I can finish all of these?" I asked, looking at the enormous plate filled with vegetables, fresh fruits and berries, cakes and biscuits. 

"You might not be aware, my dove, but you are eating for three," he smiled, kissing the back of my hand gently. 

"I am very much aware, Lupin," I smiled as Sirius emerged from the house with the kettle and cups. His dark hair still wet from the shower, shirt half unbuttoned. The man was sex on legs. And my uterus was burning with desire. Remus' gentle caresses and praises all day, already made me feel all sort of things. Pregnancy sex was not a foreign activity for us, but, it was gentler; it was focused on me. I wanted something rougher. I wanted them to fuck me. But the picnic was first. Sirius sat right next to me, pushing a pillow under my back, leaning to kiss my shoulder as he retreated.

"I missed your gorgeous face," he smiled, leaning in to kiss me. I gladly answered the kiss, holding onto the back of his head. He smiled into my lips and pecked me one last time to sit. 

"How is everyone?" I asked as Remus settled to my other side. Pressing a kiss to my knuckles. 

"Everyone is great. Things are getting better, post-almost-war things you know. And everyone is excited about the babies you'll pop in a few months. Molly said she would be visiting soon, something about her aunt. I couldn't really focus on many things; my mind kept drifting off to your round body."

"You are such a randy man," I laughed.

"And you keep getting sexier every day," he winked, filling my cup with earl grey. I sipped on the warm tea, enjoying the conversation the two men had, leaning into Sirius, pushing my feet on Remus' lap. His free hand was rubbing my swollen ankles. It didn't take long for Sirius' hand to find the swell of my bump, caressing it softly. 

"You are horny, aren't you?" Sirius asked, suddenly. 

"Yes," I confessed, "but, how?"

"I know your body, darling girl," he smirked into my neck, "And I know when you need a good fuck. Look how tense your hips are, how you press your thighs together, how you keep looking at Moony and I with those hungry eyes."

"I need both of you," I moaned when his fingers brushed against my tit. 

"You can have us always," Remus said, pressing a kiss to my knee, squeezing my calf.

"Can it be harder?" I whispered, ready for objections.

"Dove, I am all in for fucking you silly, but, you are pregnant with twins," Sirius said, kissing my shoulder, biting it softly.

"It is just," I bit my lip, hearing both their breaths hitch, "Since getting pregnant, my hormones are off the roof, and both of you are so attractive. It is hard," I moaned when Sirius's hand entered my knickers. 

"Seeing you filled with our pups, all swollen is not easy for us, too, darling," Sirius said. "You are already so wet," he whispered, Remus was watching as Sirius touched me, pulling my knickers off my hips, leaving me bare. 

"Moons," he called Remus, "dive in," Remus smirked as he went on his knees and pressed open-mouthed kisses on my core. Sirius' hands were deep in my dress. Teasing me, caressing me, kissing my neck. I could feel the orgasm building, they were longer and intenser, now that I was pregnant. Remus knew how to eat me out; he knew where to lick, where to suck, where to tease not long after I was shaking.

***

It was the day of the healer's appointment, as always Sirius and Remus were sat on my both sides. Now that my belly was very, very prominent, Sirius and Remus always kept a hand on it as I rested my hands on top of theirs. If the looks could kill, I was dead many times, with all the women glaring at me. The minute we were called, both of them helped me into the room. 

"Let's check the babies first," the healer smiled, as Remus helped me reveal my belly. And Sirius held my hand as he sat next to me. Babies were alright, growing up inside me. 

"I received the test results," she said, and Remus' breath hitched, I reached for his hand, squeezing his warm fingers, caressing the thin scar on the back of his hand. 

"You are expecting two baby boys," she smiled, boys, "And you both are the daddies. We tasted for lycanthropy and any other possible diseases we usually see in newborns, but your babies seem to be perfectly healthy. There is always the possibility that lycanthropy genes might be hiding, a really little one but, in this rare case the genes don't show themself until after the birth or until the child reaches to a certain age. Thus, you won't be experiencing any hardships during the birth or the rest of your pregnancy."

Sirius cleaned my belly with shaking hands, Remus's hand still was in mine, the man unmoving. I stood up with Sirius' help and stood in front of Remus, cupping his jaw in my hand. 

"Darling," I whispered, on my tiptoes, trying to reach his eye level, not very successful when your boyfriend is a bloody tree, "You are going to be a daddy, both you and Siri, are. Our babies are healthy. I am healthy."

"Cheer up, Moons," Sirius said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders, pressing a kiss on my head. 

"We are having boys," he whispered, a shy smile on his scarred face.

"Yeah," I smiled, he bent down to plant a kiss on my lips and pulled both Sirius and me into his chest into a group hug. 

***

It was after the appointment. We were laying in our bed, both of my boys resting on my chest as I combed their hair with my fingers. I knew Remus was crying softly into my shoulder, after begging the universe to not be the father and risk my life, leaning he was the father of one of our boys and that he was healthy took its toll on him. He needed to let it out, and I was more than proud he trusted me enough to show his vulnerable side instead of crying in the shower secretly. I pressed a kiss to his forehead, inhaling the scent of his soft hair. 

"Two boys," Sirius whispered, "And I was hoping so much to have two pretty girls like their mother. But maybe it is better we have boys first, especially thinking that. we are the dads," he added.

"Why?" Remus whispered, his voice laced with tears.

"You and I were a terror, Moons, and thinking about our age, having boys as young as we can is better. They will bring chaos."

"Remmy was a sweet child," I objected, "and you were easy to tame when you knew what to do."

"I am not objecting, but it might be tough to find the babies' love of their love when they still shit themselves."

"He is in charge of diapers?" Remus asked. And I nodded laughing. Sirius tickled my ribs softly, pressing a kiss to my shoulder.

"I can wipe your bum any time if you want."

"You are getting more disgusting every day," I said, tugging his locks softly. 

"The goal is to be the dirty old man," he laughed.

***

Molly came to visit with a giant cake and Arthur in tow the next day. I owled letters to her and Harry to let them know about the gender of the babies. I opened the door as both Sirius and Remus were busy in the kitchen.

"Oh, dear, I am so happy to hear you are having two boys, and with your two boys," she said, hugging me to herself, my belly clearly in the way, standing big and round in its 6th-month glory. Arthur greeted me with a soft hug, and a kiss on the cheek more than used to handling pregnant women as he experienced that six times already. We all moved to the kitchen to join the boys. 

It was a lovely evening. Molly and Arthur were an amazing couple to spend time with. They were easy to talk, they were funny and especially during pregnancy, and on the verge of having two babies, their experience and advice were godsent. Arthur's light humour and fun nature were making everything better for us. 

After they left back home, Sirius and I went to choose a movie to watch as Remus went to shower. Sirius pulled my legs to his lap, finding a cooling ointment, that helped relieve muscle pain and puffy ankles. His strong hands easing my pain and softening my ankles what that man could do with his hands, strong, soft, beautiful hands. He kissed my shin softly.

"We will see both, huh?" he smiled at me softly, that moment the way his grey eyes shined with happiness and softness, it took me back a few decades when we were still children. The way his eyes would shine looking at me after mischief he had pulled and didn't get caught. The times we woke up curled with each other, the times I fell asleep listening to him to tell me about his day. 

"Come here," I whispered, and he crawled to space next to me, I put my arms around his broad shoulders, burying my face on his shoulder. 

"Emotional?" he smiled.

"A bit and nostalgic."

"Nostalgic of what, amour?"

"You are happy, Siri. You haven't been this, purely happy with no worry present in a long time. And, it is nice seeing you like this, I love that we made it out okay, more than okay actually. We have our own little family now, we are okay, you, me, Remmy. I never thought we would be, here, expecting babies together, in one piece. And I still love you with my whole being," I confessed. His lips met mine in a short, lingering kiss. 

"I love you, too, with everything I am and have. And I can't wait to meet our babies. I can't wait to see how much of your prettiness they'll get. And Merlin, I can't wait for Remus' anxiety to be over your pregnancy and the chance of lycanthropy. But he probably will realise you popped out two tiny humans and will start his anxiety about tiny humans running around," I couldn't stop chuckling at the idea. Man will most likely go grey in the first two years. I curled into Sirius' chest, brushing my fingers against his patch of chest hair softly, following the patterns of his tattoos, enjoying the softness of his skin. 

"Birth will hurt, won't it?" I asked.

"You can break my hand and Remus' hand and any other parts of your choice if it will make you feel better, my dove."

"It is beautiful, you know," I whispered, closing my eyes, focusing on his strong heartbeat, "to have you and Rem Rem, during my pregnancy, every day really, but especially during my pregnancy. It is a fun experience with random pains, lots of pee, lots of aches but you two make it go away and I want to cry sometimes, how intense you two love me, how intense I love the two of you."

"You are beautiful," he smiled down, pressing small kisses along my throat, lifting his head some time to peck my lips softly, "And we love you a lot, we will always love you tons. I loved you for so long, darling. I loved you for so long, so much. And we made it, but, we deserved to have it, dove. We lost so much, we suffered so much, and it is time for us to have a life. You almost died, just a couple of months ago, love. But, from now on, we will be happy, we will always be happy. I promise you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think about it!


	28. The Seventh Month

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last trimester you guys.

The third trimester was hell. I was at the beginning of it, the seventh month. I was tired all the time, my back hurt like hell and random pelvic pain struck at random times. The boys' massage skills were never more welcomed. The healer gave me some potions and recommended some stretches to ease the pain. Either Remus or Sirius was always with me, to help me stretch without hurting myself. For pelvic pain it did help, it always helped, but for my back pain, an intense massage from Remus or Sirius' strong hands was the only solution. As it was impossible for me to lay on my stomach, I laid sideways head on one of their's lap, as they rubbed the hard spots, making me melt under their warm fingers. Walking was a dream, I was waddling now, and it amused everyone. Sirius, being the arse he is, made sure to throw a laugh and make good-hearted fun of my waddle. But, Remus, always made sure to help me reach my destination and press soft kisses on my head and glared at Sirius. He was the one who helped me get up from the bed or any seat that was too low and needed me to use my balance skills to get up from. The skill I clearly lacked. Both of them were enjoying helping me get dressed, shower and rub my skin with creams and body butter after it. Sleeping was hard too, but boys found a way to make it easy too. Usually, I slept facing Sirius, which meant, my leg was thrown over his leg, and Remus' hand was supporting my belly from below as he curled behind my large body. I woke up to him kissing my neck and shoulders, as Sirius' hands drew random shapes on my bare thigh.

"Care for a walk darling?" Remus asked as I was finishing my breakfast. I couldn't go far or fast, but my healer recommended to take walks on a daily basis. And it was usually Remus who accompanied me, being more calm and unhurried, compared to the puppy dog named Sirius Black. 

"Sure," I said, fixing my dress, letting it flow off my round belly. Remus' hand found its place on my lower back, pulling me closer to himself, bending down to peck my lips, whispering a quick 'I love you,'. Still making me blush at his sweetness. There was a small trailway close to our cottage that we walked every day. 

"How are you feeling today, my love?" he asked, gold-flecked eyes searching my face, meeting my gaze, pulling me into his warm embrace. He rubbed my lower back softly, 

"The same aches," I shrugged, "The stretches help. You lads and your miraculous hands do too. But I can't deny I am a bit scared for the next weeks. I already am huge and aching."

"You are gorgeous, and it is impossible not to be huge in your position, darling. You are not carrying only one but two little humans inside. You are creating two lives inside your tummy, my love. We can search for more ideas to ease your comfort, darling. Whatever you'd like."

"We can maybe cuddle more?" I asked.

"We can cuddle how long you want to," he chuckled, his scarred long fingers found mine. He started telling me about the last research he was writing about, as I took a break. Merlin, I loved when Remus spoke all smart about dark arts and protections. The man was clever as a devil, who looked like a soft baby angel. Handsome man. The soft weather and Remus' gentle voice was enough to calm my anxious mind. Even though his steps were twice mine, he was walking much slower to match my pace. As we made our way back to our cottage, his arm found its way around my shoulders, rubbing my shoulder softly. 

"Fancy a hot chocolate, my love?" he asked as he opened the front door, helping me inside. 

"Are you making it?" I asked Remus and chocolate were a terrific duo. 

"Of course I am, dear," he laughed, shrugging off his jacket, leaving himself in a cream coloured wool shirt. I couldn't stop myself from running my hands up his torso, stopping to rest them right on top of his beating heart. Enjoying the muscles covering his ribs, the solid chest I used as a pillow for many nights. 

"Feeling needy, my love?" he asked, smiling, the lines around his beautiful eyes crinkling. No matter how we were the same age, seeing the adult Remus, realizing the changes he went through the years got me excited every time I laid my eyes on the man. 

"I am always needy when it comes to you," I smiled, he pressed a small kiss on the tip of my nose. But I wanted to taste him. I wanted his lips to press against mine, to maul mine. His hand found my bum, squeezing it. Now that my belly was large and full of babies, it was harder to squeeze my hip and waist for the boys, so my bum was their new favourite thing to hold onto. And I would be a liar if I said I didn't enjoy it. 

"Go find Pads," he whispered, against my lips, "You already are too pregnant."

"Hmm," I smiled, pecking his shoulder. And waddling towards the garden, where the silver-eyed man probably was. I wasn't wrong; he was in the small greenhouse. 

"Siri!" I called, and the door was opened to let me in. 

"Hello, magnifique," he said, kissing my cheek as I entered the greenhouse, "How was your walk?" he asked, washing his hands to get rid of the dirt. Seconds later, he was standing right in front of me, his hands firm on my belly. 

"It was nice; the weather is beautiful today."

"You are beautiful every day," he smirked.

"How are your paperflowers?" I asked, looking at the colourful pots around us.

"Growing, just like the babies in your tumtum," he smiled. I lifted my face to pull him into my lips, he shuffled a bit, to stand next to me rather than in front of me. The belly and all made kissing hard. And kissing Sirius meant it would last at least a minute, if not more, Sirius Orion Black was not a man for pecks. 

"Beautiful," he whispered, his hand cupping my chin. 

"Where is Moony?" he asked, eyes not leaving my lips. 

"Making hot chocolate."

"Hmm, we should join him. Merlin knows the man loves his chocolate. Want to watch one of those romance films?" he asked, wiggling his brows.

"Oh, we both know, you love them," I said, slapping his arm. 

"I do," he said, smiling, "Reminds me of us. We had it all you know, kind of a high school, secret relationship, love triangle, jealousy, loss of virginity, roommates, dramatic events," he smiled, "And the hottest girl, with juicy tits."

"Dirty old man, you are, Black," I laughed, moving to return to the cottage. Sirius right behind me, his hand finding mine, and pressing a kiss to my shoulder.

"Your tits are only getting juicier, sweet girl," he smirked. 

I was half sitting half lying in the middle of the men. Sirius had a firm hand on my thigh, running it up and down, teasing me softly, while Remus' arm was wrapped around my back, hand resting on the side of my belly. The movie was one of the most cheesiest things I have ever seen. But it was nice and relaxing to watch. Sirius was a sap, both Remus and I knew it. And it was fun to press small kisses against his bearded jaw. I knew his eyes were watering; he was a Cryer. But Salazar did his eyes look even more magnificent under those tears. Meanwhile, Remus leaned back, helping me fit better against his torso. His tummy warm against my back. After the film was over, Remus stayed back to clear up our mess, and Sirius helped me upstairs, stairs harder for me now that I couldn't see my feet. 

"A shower?" he asked, and I nodded. Even though it was usually Remus' speciality to wash my overly pregnant body, now that Sirius was soft inside after the movie, I knew he yearned skin to skin touch. He helped me take off my dress and underwear. My tits heavy, resting against my chest, touching the top of the curve of my belly. Sirius was naked in seconds, lean and strong as ever. Tattoos covering parts of his body, mostly his torso. After making sure the water was a good temperature, he pulled me under it, wetting my body and my hair. He found the body scrub; the one made my skin like a baby's bottom. He started with my back, rubbing it, massaging it gently. As he was on his knees to treat my bum and legs, Remus entered with a teacup in his hand. 

"Hello, love," he said, sitting on the toilet lid, watching as Sirius pampered my body. Meanwhile, Sirius turned me to care my front. A lot gentler with my tits and my belly. Next was my hair, his long fingers trading into my head, massaging my scalp, making me hum under my breath. After he rinsed my whole body, I turned to face Sirius, "me, next," I said. I washed his fancy locks. Remus' eyes never left us as he sipped his tea. Nudity was never an issue for us, especially after a few months into this relationship. But since my pregnancy, boys had me naked as much as they could, not to miss any second of my pregnancy, how our children grew inside me, how my body changed. As both I and Sirius were fully rinsed, Remus stood up to reach for towels. He helped me into my robe as Sirius wrapped a towel around his hips, leaving it sinfully low, his happy trail a sight. After I was tried, Sirius went to find both of us some clothes, and I was once again naked in front of Remus. He reached for the lavender body butter, massaging my flesh, focusing on my arms and legs, as they tended to dry out the most. After putting on a short cotton nightdress, I was cuddled by my boys, falling asleep softly.

***

We were visiting Hogwarts, as Dumbledore had some questions about my hex and I was craving to visit Hogsmead. Now that we were safe, boys were eager to visit Harry. We were waiting for Harry's lecture to end, and I was sitting on the window still. 

"Merlin, you are glowing!" Hermione said as the trio ran to us. 

"Hello," I said, watching Sirius embrace Harry as Remus helped me to stand up. Both Ron and Hermione hugged me in greeting, and finally, Harry made his way to my side.

"You look very pregnant," he said, as he put his arms around me with extra care. 

"I am very pregnant," I said, pressing a kiss to his cheek. The boy was now a tad bit taller than me. They really did grow up fast. 

"Can I?" he asked, and I nodded. His hand was hovering over my belly, but I pushed it flat on it, knowing he was scared to hurt me. 

"Do they kick?" he asked.

"They do. Mostly at night, or when I lay down," I explained, my hand still covering his. 

"How much do you have left until the birth?" Ginny asked as she joined.

"A bit more than two months," I said.

"How is it going?" Harry asked, pulling me back to sit with him on the window still. Sirius and Remus were talking with Mcgonaghall, a few steps away. 

"Well, I am shambling everywhere, and I have random aches everywhere. But having two boyfriends helps. Also working from home helps."

"I thought you took a break?" Hermione asked.

"I did, a six-month break. Remus is still working though. Your godfather took on gardening," I said, turning to Harry, "all kinds of Muggle flowers, you should see the greenhouse."

"You plan to stay in Yorkshire?" Ron asked. 

"For a couple of years, yes. Well, I think we will stay until the twins are a bit older. I would love them to grow up there. The place is beautiful. And no matter what Remus claims the cottage is beautiful. You like it there, don't you?" I asked, turning to Harry. He nodded.

"You will be rocking a lot of cribs this summer, Potter," Ginny laughed. 

"The joy of being the youngest child, you'll never know the pain you put all of us through," Ron said to his sister.

"You were 2 when she was born Weasley, what do you remember?" Hermione laughed. 

"Are you excited?" I asked, turning to the bespectacled boy, his baby cheeks almost gone, with every passing day, he resembled his father more and more—the sweet nostalgia of it, an acrid nostalgia. 

"I know nothing about babies," he confessed, "but I am willing to learn."

"Well, the last baby I held was you so, I think I will be learning too. You were quite a chubby baby," I said, nudging his arm. He blushed softly, giving me a shy smile. 

"You'll have two now," he said. 

"Salazar, yes, but I plan to make them look after the babies," I smirked, looking at the men who stood not too far from us. 

"They would. I think they will get even crazier after birth—both about you and the babies," he pointed out.

"Babies will distract them while we are having a movie night."

"You are not worried, babies will steal the attention?"

"I think they'll lighten the load, both my men are too affectionate."

"They love you."

"I love them, too."

***

We were walking around the Hogsmead, me in the middle, both of their hands in mine. We bought a lot of candy bars and chocolate from Honeydukes, thanks to Remus' enchanted bed our stocks of chocolate didn't weigh much. After having dinner at the Three Broomsticks, we were walking to the station. The trains were almost empty this time of year, a lot fewer wagons used. We found an empty compartment and me right next to Sirius as my feet were thrown over Remus' lap. My shoes were long gone, his hands rubbing my sock cowered feet with care. He was leaning forward so I could feed him with chocolate, as Sirius chewed on peppermint toads, I was in a butter toffee mood, and Remus was happy to join me. 

"It has been ages since I used the express," Sirius said, a small spot of chocolate covering shining on his lower lip, which I couldn't stop but lean into him for a kiss, to taste his lips covered in minty chocolate. He smirked, biting onto my lower lip and letting me go, after a peck on the chin. 

"Moony and I used it!" I exclaimed happily, on the first day of our teaching year! It has been more than two years now, huh?" I asked, the blond man. He hummed nodding, his gaze soft on my face. Merlin the moment I popped these babies out I was to hug them so much. The belly, in the way, was too restricting. I wanted my boys close. 

"It has been that long, hasn't been?" he asked softly, reaching to hold my smaller hand in his giant one. He pulled it to his face, pressing small kisses on the back of it. 

"It has," I nodded. Sirius put an arm around my shoulders, pressing his side to mine, free hand rubbing my belly. 

"And in a few months you'll give birth, and we will be an army of six," he smiled. 

"Hmm," I smiled, "I can't wait to pop them out honestly. I know I have always been fat but, I am huge right now. And first time in my life my weight restricts my movement, even the most simple ones, which drives me crazy a bit."

"That's what you get for being restless," Sirius chuckled. Squeezing my shoulders, and pressing a sloppy kiss to my cheek. I was used to Sirius' doggy behaviour by now. He would make sure to wet his lips before pecking me when he wanted to annoy me. Remus rolled his eyes at him, leaning forward to press a kiss on my belly, resting the side of his head against it. Half of the journey was spent with them talking and me sleeping against Sirius' toned chest, his hand never stopping rubbing my back and sides and pressing small kisses on my hair every once a while. 

"We are here, darling," Sirius said, as both of them stood up, also helping me to get up. Remus' arm wounded itself around my back. I apparated with Remus, Sirius following us, right in the middle of our living room in Yorkshire. I changed into my pyjamas, feet bare and padded downstairs to find something to read and boil myself and the boys some tea. 


	29. New Lives

I couldn't really get up from our bed without any help any more. It was a couple of days before the twins popped up. We were going to have a home birth, and Molly and Ginny were staying with us. Remus would take me to the toilet, bath and wherever I needed to go, while Molly and Sirius would cook and feed me. It was amazing to watch Harry and Ginny flirt with each other, but being over nine-months pregnant wasn't that fun. 

"Don't get me wrong, I love your body, every lump, bump, whatever I can bite and squeeze, but you are huge darling," Sirius said, as he massaged some body lotion to my feet and legs.

"I know, I feel like I will be popping any second," I moaned, enjoying how he took all the tension from my body. He pressed a kiss to my tummy, and moved to lay next to me, peppering my face with kisses.

"You might really pop at any second," he laughed, "but, it will only be more and more fun after that. We will have to share your titties with two other boys, which is a bit upsetting but I mean they have them for a maximum of 2 years, then your tits and tats are mines and Remus' only again."

"Such a harlot you are Black," I laughed, enjoying his beard scratching my skin as he nuzzled his face to my neck.

"Your harlot I am," he nodded, pressing a kiss to my jaw, "Always was."

"You are so proud, aren't you? Always enjoyed being called the man-slut."

"I had to slut myself trying to stop looking at you in that light, lovely," he whispered, "I was terrified of ruining what we had, just because I was so in love with you, and we both know how much I lusted after you."

"You were always weird," I said, swatting his shoulder. 

"For loving you? I was a genius for realising what a jewel you were that early," he murmured, lips following the line of my throat. 

"You always were a sharp man," I smiled, kissing his forehead. He smiled rising to press a kiss to my lips. I couldn't stop the smile growing on my lips. I couldn't stop how much I liked being loved by him. His fingers found their way into my hair, scratching my scalp, making me purr under his gentle touch.

"And you always were the most beautiful woman who ever walked this earth," he whispered, pressing small kisses to my nose and my forehead, "Even with two little humans inside you, and from Merlin knows how much away from giving birth, I never saw a more elegant, sexier and prettier woman. And I love you so much. I love you with all my heart, all my being."

"Getting cheesy, aren't you, Black?" I smiled, enjoying his sentimental moments, he gave me a gentle smile, his starry grey eyes shining, his nose brushing against mine. 

"With you? Always. Want to take a nap, my love?" he asked, brushing my hair off my face, I nodded curling into him, more like him curling into me as I was too big to curl into anything.

"I love naps with you," I sighed, enjoying his masculine scent surrounding me. 

"I love everything with you," he mumbled, taking a deep breath, snuggling further into my soft form.

***

I woke up to Remus, tapping onto my shoulder softly.

"Remmy," I mumbled, looking at his sleepy form, dressed in his dark blue pyjamas, a soft look on his beautifully scarred face. 

"Hello, darling," he smiled, kissing my forehead, "Forgive me for interrupting your nap with Pads, but I was just about to join you, and as it is late now, I wanted to ask you if you needed to pee?" he asked sweetly. If it were anyone else, the question would be weird even creepy, but Remus was this kind of a man, who would be thoughtful and concerned even of my bladder. I got up with his help and walked to the bathroom his hand firm on my back, supporting my weight. He waited at the bathroom door until I was finished, and walked me back, helping me to climb on the bed, right in the middle with him following me. Sirius in his sleep found my form and buried his face on my shoulder. Remus helped me find a comfortable position, rubbing my belly, as he pressed a small kiss to the side of my head, wishing me a good night. 

***

The breakfast was fun now, I didn't have even a hint of nausea but had a wolfish appetite. Molly's cooking wasn't helping it either, Merlin, the woman could cook. After breakfast, I was leaning against Remus' chest, Sirius rubbing my feet and ankles. Molly was back at the Burrow for a couple of hours, and Ginny and Harry were a little further, I had no idea what they were doing. I couldn't really lift my head to see either, Remus large hand was on my belly, warming me with his touch, warming the babies. 

"Are you alright, my love?" Remus whispered, pressing gentle kisses along my temple. 

"Bloated, but that is the new normal now, well until for a little while, isn't it?"

"Just a little longer, darling," he promised, "And then we will have two little bundles of joys and you with freedom of movement."

"And we will have sex again," Sirius declared. 

"Not until you and your body is ready," Remus confirmed, scowling at the grey-eyed man.

"I don't think we will have the power and time to have sex at some time," I smirked, both men frowned with realisation, making me giggle. "You thought we could keep living as freely and sexful as we did with two little babies? I mean look at who the fathers are, Merlin knows how chaotic you two were when you were toddlers."

"I was an angel," Remus claimed.

"Oh shut it, Lupin. You were and are just too smart and sly to act like you are an angel after you wreak havoc. I grew up with you."

"You weren't an angel either," Remus said, tickling my ribs lightly, just to tease. He pressed a sooting kiss on my neck right after. His fingers found their ways to intervene with mine, the size of his hand compared to mine still fascinated me, and aroused me. The length and thickness of his fingers, Merlin, and the things that this man did with those fingers. No matter how large and bloated I felt, I wasn't blind. Both of my men were gorgeous and attractive as fuck, and they haven't touched me in a few weeks now, afraid I would pop their children if I got overwhelmed. And this added to the fact that they wouldn't be able to touch me as I wanted, where I wanted was not the most excellent thought. So I tried to push the sexual thoughts off my mind, and focus on how much I loved them, even though I couldn't 'love' them as I wanted and yearned for. However, my sexual desires were cut with a sharp cramp on my lower region, that took my breath away. 

"Darling?" Remus asked as my grip on his fingers got impossible strong. Sirius's hands went under my skirt; he lifted his eyes at us,

"Her water just broke," he whispered. In a moment I was lifted in Remus's arms, as the man carried me to the room we prepared for birth, Sirius was telling Ginny and Harry things, very loudly, and as Remus took off my outer dress and slipped me into the one midwife told us to get on days ago, and a minute later he was kneeling by my side, brushing my hair, kissing my forehead, calming me down. Molly and midwife in tow with Sirius came moments later. And everything was a blur after that; I remembered the pain, the way I almost broke Sirius's and Remus's hands, the way my throat was burning, raw from screaming, then the feeling of emptiness. And cries of babies, before I could glimpse at them, the darkness took over my vision, the last thing I heard was Sirius shouting my name. 

***

When I woke up, it was dark; I could see the silhouette of someone next to me, a warm hand cradling mine. I whispered for water, and the person next to me jumped into the action the moment he realised I was awake. And in seconds, a glass of fresh water was pressed to my lips.

"You scared the hell out of us," Sirius whispered, taking the glass from me and putting it on the side, he pressed a kiss to my shoulder, sitting next to me on the large bed. 

"Are the babies okay?" I asked.

"They are darling; they are brilliant," he smiled, brushing my hair. "Beautiful, just like their mother. Moony and Molly are with them, I didn't want to leave you alone, and my anxiety was disturbing the pups, so Remus kicked me out. I am not complaining really; I was kicked out to watch over my gorgeous girl," he smiled, kissing my knuckles gently.

"What happened?" I asked, still fuzzy and aching. 

"You passed out in the birth," he said, "I was terrified, we all were, birthing twins overwhelmed your body, you lost some blood. The midwife fixed everything and sped up your recovery with some spells and potions."

"How long was I asleep?" I asked.

"Three days, love," he said, resting his forehead against mine, "You were exhausted, the birth itself lasted more than five hours, and even I was exhausted. You needed the rest."

"Can I see the babies?" I asked gently, afraid he would say no, afraid I was too weak to see them.

"Of course love," he smiled, "Let me call Remus and Molly, you also need to eat some."

Minutes later, Remus walked inside with two babies in his arms. Molly and Sirius following him a bit later with food. Both babies were gorgeous. He sat next to me, resting both of them on my chest, their tiny hands curling against the fabric of my dress. Both of them were pretty red and very, very tiny. One with darker hair, other almost fully bald, translucent hair, it was Remmy's. Both had gorgeous eyes. The balder one with warmer blue eyes, the dark-haired one with lighter blue, closer to Sirius's grey eyes. 

"They are beautiful," I whispered, tears rolling down my eyes, Remus gently wiped the tears with his warm thumb, and kissed the side of my head.

"You are beautiful," he said gently. Two sweet baby boys, Romulus Remus Lupin and Canopus Sirius Black. Handsome just like their fathers, mixed with my features. "You can feed them if you feel strong enough, we used milker while you were asleep," he said blushing—my sweet man.

"She also needs to eat," Sirius said, bringing a large mug filled with soup. He sat on my other side, careful with babies, helping me drink the soup. After I finished the soup, and Sirius was somewhat satisfied with how much I ate, Molly exited the room, to leave me with my boys, four of them now. Merlin that sounded like an army. Remus helped me get my tits out, and babies latched on them.

"Like fathers like sons," Sirius snickered, eyes focused on my tits, making Remus groan, and put a comforting arm around me. 

"Come here," I whispered, looking at Sirius, who was busy getting something from the other side of the room. He smiled and walked to me, with a jar of something in his hand. 

"What is that?" I asked as he sat back on my other side, pressing a kiss to first Canopus's soft head, then to my lips. He lifted the jaw a bit, for me to see it easier, "This, darling, is a balm for your titties, your nipples to be exact. To protect them from the pups' gnawing on your flesh, we all know how sensitive you are, especially there," he said with a wink. 

"You are an arsehole, considerate and sweet one, but still an arsehole," I said, glaring at him playfully, "And your son gnaws harder," I said shifting the baby a bit, "I knew your genes were the naughty ones."

"You weren't complaining getting them in," he said. Remus pinched Sirius's arm and turned to look at me. 

"Are you feeling okay?" he asked, brushing my hair behind my ear, and kissed my nose gently. 

"It is weird, but not bad weird," I said. He nodded, a tired but calm look in his golden-green eyes. 

"Just tell when they get too heavy," he said, rubbing my thigh gently. "You are not allowed to leave this bed for a week. You still are healing; the birth was a complicated one."

"You are not blaming yourself, are you Remmy?" I asked, knowing how his brain worked. 

"Maybe we rushed with pregnancy," he whispered, lowering his gaze, "I encouraged it."

"Remus," I said, turning to him the best I could, with two newborns attached to my chest, it wasn't an easy task, "We decided all together, and I am okay, the babies are okay. Ask Molly; no woman is in shape to join Quidditch match after they give birth."

"I was worried, both of us were," he said, pressing kisses to my bare shoulder, "We can't lose you, love," he whispered. 

"And you won't be," I promised, "And you both are also on the diaper duty."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> University is hell.


	30. Post Pregnancy

I was curled between Remus and Sirius, Rommy and Canny were almost two months old. Their room was right next to hours, and both Sirius and Remus were not letting me get up at night. Claiming that I already was tired enough, and that was the least they could do. Trying to get up wasn't really an option either, as one got up the other would pin me to bed, holding me close to their chest and peppering the back of my shoulder with kisses. My body was almost back to normal, except my tits, thanks to all the potions, I had no idea how Muggles did this. It was a nice afternoon, the fireplace heating the whole house, Harry and Sirius playing with twins as Remus and I were making tea. Well, he was making tea as I pressed myself to him, my hands on his tummy, face buried between his shoulder blades. 

"You are needy today," he teased, patting my hand that rested on his tummy. 

"I am always needy when it comes to you," I smiled, bending my head to bite the muscle on the back of his arm gently. He turned to face me, resting his hands on my hips, bending his head, kissing me gently. 

"You are beautiful, you know," he said, looking at me with green eyes filled with adoration, making my face heat up. He pecked my forehead, letting me hide my face in his chest. Merlin, the man, smelled gorgeous, clean, masculine and like sex on feet. He squeezed my hips gently, humming softly, swaying me side to side with his tall frame. 

"You are the one to talk," I said, "Gorgeous man you are."

"Look at those kids," he whispered, "look how beautiful and smart they are, even this wee. And knowing the fathers are different, and the level of beauty and intelligence is the same, I think it is clear that it all is your doing."

"I love that they both are so similar to you and Siri," I said, looking into his eyes. Rommy is such you when we were smaller, more silent but still playful. And we both know Canny will be so much trouble in his teenage years. Merlin helps us all, and mostly Rommy, as he will suffer from his twin's chaos the most."

"You think he will be less chaotic?" he laughed, squeezing me into himself. 

"He will be less likely to get caught," I smiled, remembering all the times Remus's wits and smart saved us. 

"I love you, you know?" He whispered, into my hair, tucking my head under his chin. Merlin did I loved when he hugged me like this, my body fitting amazing with his, his tall frame protecting me from everything and everyone. He patted my bum gently, turning to make the tea. 

"I love you, too," I said, "Won't I get another kiss?" I smiled, looking at him. He rolled his eyes at me playfully, bending down to kiss me, hand firm on my waist, squeezing it. 

"Well, look who is having fun without us, lads!" Sirius was heard from the kitchen door, both Romulus and Canopus in his arms. 

"Where is Harry?" I asked, moving to the man, Canopus tried to shift towards me, Rommy was happy to hang out with his fathers but Canny, Merlin, the boy, was momma's boy. If I was in the room, he refused to not be in my arms, even if both Remus and Sirius were there. But he was more understanding if I was feeding his brother or if Rommy were crying and needed some calming down. Both their eye colours shifted to their father's eye colours in months. Rommy had beautiful green eyes, with gold circling it, and Canny had signature steel grey eyes. Rommy still was mostly bald, having his father's blond locks as a baby meant very, very light hair. Canny's hair was much darker but still light baby hair, a bit more curled than his brother's but not any of Sirius' locks yet. 

"Went to the Burrow, to meet with Ron. We all know to meet with Ginny," Sirius smirked, sitting on one of the kitchen chairs, lifting Rommy up, making the child giggle at the feeling of being afloat. Remus filled three cups with tea, as I swayed with Canny in my arms. His chubby cheek was resting on my collarbone, his tiny hand fisted on my shirt collar. He was making soft baby noises, babbling and gurgling. 

"We are going to have problems with that one," Sirius pointed at me and Canny, who was watching my face with a dizzy smile in his face, "I mean I understand why he is in love with you and everything, and it is hard not to, but you are kind of our girlfriend, and there is an age difference and everything."

"'That one' is your child," I said, patting Canny on his small back, "And don't be a baby. Rommy and Canny at least have the excuse of being real babies."

"You are a real babe," Sirius winked at me, making Remus groan at his cheap flirting. He gave me my cup as he went to sit next to Sirius, pressing a kiss on my cheek and Canny's soft head. Canny just cooed at the love the taller man showed him. Sirius was an amazing father when it came to play and have fun, but Remus had an amazingly calming nature, which affected both babies a lot. Canny's eyes were closed as Rommy played with both his fathers. Sirius jumped him on his knee as Rommy played with Remus's long thick fingers. 

"I am going to put Canny down," I said, carrying the small boy downstairs. He sighed as I kissed his soft head covered with dark feathery hair, but kept sleeping. I went downstairs to join the other three. Rommy was back in Remus's arms, and Sirius's arms opened the moment he saw me. I sat on his legs gently; he pressed a kiss to my cheek. 

"Hello, gorgeous," he whispered. I smiled at him, kissing his sharp cheekbone, "Missed you."

"You were sleeping in the same bed with me only half a day ago," I teased him, Remus was busy helping Rommy fell asleep and was carrying him upstairs. 

"Let's take it to the living room, then Moony can also join us, and we can finally have sex," he murmured into my neck, hands teasing my upper thighs. 

"Siri," I moaned, as his hands found their place between my lips, "fuck."

"Exactly," he said, pulling me after himself to the large sofa, the moment we both were on it, his lips and hands were on mine. 

"Fuck, I missed you so much, darling," he whispered, "I know you are still healing, I know we have time, and we don't have to do anything more than making out. But, Merlin, I missed your sweet body, missed having you whimper under me so bad. I love those little devils. I love them, really, but I miss our times with you. I miss spending all the time between your legs, making you cry out my name, making you shake and tremble. Merlin, darling, I missed being inside you so bad. I love cuddling you at nights, Godric, sleeping next to you is the last dream I could ever have. It is a feeling of content that will stay with me until my last breath. But with your tits heavier than ever, and arse rounder than ever, it is hard not to dream of bending you down and fucking the life out of you."

"You always were the romantic in this relationship, Pads," We heard Remus's chuckle, his eyes focused on the skin of my chest, as my shirt was moved downwards revealing the tops of my tits. 

"You lust after her, more than I do, Moons. So first time in our lives I am not the horn dog of this relationship," Sirius laughed.

"Sod off," Remus said, moving to me, he cupped my chin, pulling me to his lips, planting a deep, sensual kiss right on mine.

"Tell us what you want, darling girl," he whispered, voice husky, "Are you comfortable, darling?"

"Just my tits," I whispered, "they are a bit sensitive, and leaking."

"We can keep your support bra on, love," He whispered, making Sirius whine from behind me, as he nibbled on my shoulder. "Is there anything else you want off-limits? We don't have to have full sex. You know that. We do not have anything that will make you uncomfortable, hurt. Having you, kissing you, all over is enough."

"Be gentle?" I asked, itching to have them inside me.

"Always, darling," he smiled, kissing my nose. And moments later I was naked, except for my bra, and Sirius was down on my knees, eating me out, as I was palming Remus over his boxers, enjoying the stiff length under my palms. His small moans and groans kept me going, I was sensitive all over, the hormonal change, the months of not being touched all crashed at me at the same time, and suddenly I was shaking under Sirius's tongue and skilled fingers. Remus picked that moment to stick his dick into my mouth, and my screams were muffled by the thick cock in my mouth. The slurping noise of Sirius devouring me and Remus's moans as I sucked him off were the only noises I was able to hear as I came down from my height. 

"You never came this hard and fast, ever, in your life," Sirius said, resting his face on the curve of my belly, kissing the stretched skin, still carrying the tiredness of carrying two babies for nine months. "And you never looked this sexy in your life," he whispered, kissing my belly, which was more of insecurity for me, than ever. Sirius' gentleness and Remus's cock stretching my lips, hitting the roof of my mouth as his groans became basically sins by themselves, I felt like I was the sexiest woman alive. Remus stood up. I missed his taste, his stretch the moment he left my mouth. 

"I want to feel you," he whispered, "I want to come in your tight pussy, darling. I missed being inside you so bad. But first, I want to watch Sirius fucking you," he groaned, and Sirius was up on his feet, dick out and proud, precum shining on his reddish tip.

"Are you ready, love?" he asked, fingers shaking as his hands found my hips, squeezing me, opening my legs, to slide in between them. 

"Fuck, yeah," I whispered, enjoying the tip of his cock was pressed against my soaking entrance, I could see Remus in my peripheral, palming his dick, not quite caressing himself, I knew he was ready to blow. Sirius was gentle, no matter how much he wanted it, he was always careful with me.

"How does it feel, my darling?" he asked his lips on mine, hips sinking into mine, in a slow rhythm. 

"Fuck, Siri," I moaned, throwing my head back, my skin feeling too tight, too small for my body. "I never was this sensitive. I never felt this much of everything." He wasn't even touching my clit, and I was close to my second orgasm. Rarely in my life, I ever came without clitoral stimulation. 

"Merlin, woman," Sirius groaned, as I clenched around his thickness, "You are not making things easier. Fuck you are tight, and you squeeze me so good. Such a tight, warm cunt." He grunted, pushing deeper now, brushing places in my body, that wasn't touched in weeks. "Gorgeous bloody mare, with a perfectly round body, tightest bloody cunt," he came. And half a second after my whole body clenched and shook around him, milking him deeper, making both of us give a silent scream. My whole vision whitened my whole body shoot upwards. 

"Fuck," Remus breathed out. "That was the sexiest thing I have ever witnessed, darling," he whispered, kissing along my shoulder and collar bone. Sirius still inside me, his hands on my thighs, trying to even his breath out. 

"That was the best bloody shag I have ever had, even with you," he whispered, "And I have been shagging you since we were 16. Hell, I took your virginity and you never, darling, never felt this tight in my life. You almost cut bloody circulation on my willy," he teased. 

"You good?" Remus asked, kissing my head gently. I nodded, throat still too tight, still in the cloud of bliss, toes tingly, heart racing. 

"Just need a minute," I whispered. Remus moved to my lips, kissing me. Much gentler than I expected, much softer, and not even pushing. 

"You are beautiful," he whispered, "the most gorgeous bird ever." He said caressing my tummy, fingertips brushing against my hip bone. 

"I want you, too," I whispered.

"I don't want to overwhelm you, darling. We are in no rush." He whispered Sirius pulled out gently, making both of us hiss. Remus didn't rush; even though he took Sirius' place between my legs, he didn't rush fucking me. His lips travelled from my hip to my lips. I could feel Sirius's cum dripping down my cunt. Remus's finger brushed against my pussy, collecting some of the seed mixed with my juice, pushing it between my lips, and I moaned. The taste, the saltiness of both of us, Merlin, Remus knew how to make things more erotic than I ever thought it was possible. And possibly more than Sirius ever thought, as he moaned at sight from the armchair he was resting on, spent. Remus's lips went back to find an inch of skin to kiss, lick and bite. His enormous hands on my bum, squeezing the flesh on it, his cock was blushing randomly on my bum, thighs and cunt. And his patience and self-control were making me lose my bloody mind. 

"Fucking hell, Remus," Sirius said, "Fuck the girl."

"We are in no rush," Remus whispered, huskily, "We have all the time in this world. And you, Pads, are on baby duty. I get to worship our sweet goddess," He whispered. 

"Moony," I moaned, pulling the man to my lips, by the back of his neck. He smiled, meeting my lips, nose nudging mine, hands melting my flesh.

"Yes, gorgeous?" he asked cheekily. 

"Just fuck me already," I begged.

"I can't hurt you, darling girl," he smiled, "Believe me I know how 'hard' it is," he smiled, pushing his hips into mine.

"I can take it. I am ready. Just fuck me. I missed you so much. I miss having you inside me. I miss how you stretch me."

"Minx," he moaned, pushing himself into me, I arched towards him, he pressed his lips into mine, as he pushed himself into me firmly. It didn't take both of us to reach our hights long. And after a while, I was in the tub between my two men, a magical alarm set to let us know if our baby boys woke up and needed us. This was the life, Merlin, what else could I ever ask of. 


	31. Baby Time

It was finally summer, the babies' first summer. Yorkshire was now warm and sunny most of the days, Canny and Rommy were crawling now. They were like bugs, tiny, fast and crawling. Most of the days were spent rushing after them. Now that, the weather was finally warm, we took them outside most of the day. A large blanket was laid out on the side where we let them hang out. Currently, I was laid on that on that blanket, Canny tucket to my side as Rommy was crawling between Sirius ad Remus. He, surprisingly, was the more energetic twin. I always thought Canny would take after his father's chaos, but if I were there, he wouldn't do anything else than sitting by my side. His tiny hands were exploring my face, touching my lips, asking for little kisses and giggling when he received them. He would smooth my hair; hair was interesting to him as he couldn't see his own and his brother's hair was feathery and light coloured. He was gurgling about something, they were almost a year old and we pretty much expected them to utter their first words soon. After a while, I felt someone sit next to me; his hand found its way on my hip. 

''Look at how pretty you are darling,'' I heard Sirius' soft voice, as Remus and Rommy sat on my other side next to Canny. Rommy crawled next to his brother and held onto his tiny foot. They loved interacting with each other. I shifted a little, so Sirius was laying behind me his front pressed to my back, and my head resting on Remus' lap. His fingers found their ways into my hair, brushing it, massaging my scalp. Sirius's hands were discovering my torso, his mouth pressed to my back, kissing me lightly. Canny and Remmy were in their own world. All three of us watching our sweet toddlers. After a while, they were tired and crawled to my side. Rommy burying his face to my chest, Canny to my belly. I put an arm around both of them, hand on Canny's bum. Both rested their tiny hands on my arm, holding onto me. 

''So they have two options for dads, and you still get to be the favourite?'' Sirius asked, biting my shoulder. 

''I am the food,'' I laughed at him.

''Oh we know, darling,'' Remus laughed, ''We ate plenty of you before you were stolen from us, haven't we?''

''Your children are present, Lupin,'' I scolded him.

''Of course, they are, the little thieves,'' Sirius said from behind me. 

***

I was sitting on the bathroom counter as I watched half-naked Sirius and Remus giving bath to our babies. Sirius's hair was tied in a bun, a curl escaping it. Merlin did I enjoy the sight, both of my men were gorgeous. Tall, lean, attractive. Remus' shoulders a bit wider than Sirius', the man was a giant, so it was only expected. His smooth back was covered with old scars, many in a silvery flesh colour by now. It has been a while since we had an incident on the full moon, it had been a while since he was hurt. And I was thanking the heavens for it; the man endured more pain than anyone should have throughout his life, he didn't need to get hurt any more. Sirius, on the contrary, was covered in ink and tattoos, fitting his darker complex. I couldn't deny how attractive those bloody tattoos looked on his lean body, and how those tattoos went well with his bloody gorgeous curls. Rommy and Canny were enjoying the water and the attention from their dads. And I was just loving listening to their giggles and baby talk. 

''Aren't you joining us?'' Sirius asked, eyeing me as I, myself, was not much dressed. A black camisole and short satin shorts. 

''I think you two can handle it,'' I smiled at him, ''And I really don't want to get wet.''

''You usually love getting wet,'' Sirius said winking at me, earning a groan from both Remus and me. 

''You ought to learn how to be more family-friendly, Pads,'' Remus said, rinsing Canny's locks, careful not to get any water on his eyes. After washing every tiny bubble from their bodies, I was waiting with two towels. Sirius got out first and kissed me shortly. We both were waiting with a towel in our hands. I took Rommy and dried his chubby little body, as Sirius did for Canny. Remus got out to dry himself out. And all five of us moved to our room. We put boys into their onesies, Salazar, weren't they the cutest? Remus hugged me from behind, now in his soft pants and a loose t-shirt. I was still barely dressed, and the way the fabric of his pants felt on my bare tighs was an interesting feeling, an alluring feeling. 

''Gorgeous,'' he murmured, as he moved my hair to gain better access to my shoulders and neck, peppering kisses and nibbling a little on the meat there. His large hands cradled m tummy, squeezed my boob gently, my tits were still a sensitive spot. Not from the soreness anymore, as the new balm, I was using helped with the healing from little monsters' toothless bites, but too much squeeze meant milk. And although I knew both Sirius and Remus enjoyed the fact that I was lactating more than they should, I wasn't ready to explore that area yet. Remus' lips found their way to my jaw, biting my earlobe gently. 

''Rem,'' I moaned softly, he was only teasing, enjoying how putty I got under his palms.

''Yes, my love?'' he whispered, voice hoarse, sending shivers down my spine, his lips brushing against the column of my neck with every syllable. His hands were massaging my hip bones, the sides of my bum, my lower back. He knew exactly what he was doing to me; he knew the effect he had on me. And he had no mercy, he wanted to drive me crazy, with just using his presence and touch, and he was bloody successful on it. His knee nudged my legs, making me open them slightly, sliding a leg between mine, those bloody pants and his bloody warmth seeping into my skin right from them. 

''Oh, and I am the not family-friendly one?'' we heard Sirius from the door, both boys in his arms. 

''Sod off,'' Remus said, giving me one last squeeze and moving to get one of the boys. Rommy was a bit fussy and was reaching to me, so he grabbed Canny. Rommy's tiny blond head was pressed to my collarbone, his tiny little hand firm on my strap. I pressed a kiss to his head, making him coo softly. I carried him to my nursing seat, pulling my tit out, he moved to drink his milk. I bopped his bum softly, his tiny hand holding on my finger.

''Look at you sweet boy,'' I whispered, Merlin he was the gentlest baby ever. I couldn't unsee Remus' features on the baby, his eyes not only in colour but also in shape, his round chin, the shape of his tiny nose. It wasn't that obvious yet, but I knew he would have his father's face, a tad bit softened by mine. I brushed his angelic hair, kissing his round forehead. He was calmer now, hungry wee Rommy. He was done in a few minutes, his hands now reaching for my cheeks, as his fingertips brushed my skin. 

''Aren't you the cutest, Rommy?'' I asked, lifting him in my arms, his face on my level now, ''My beautiful little boy,'' I smiled at him, kissing his round belly, making him giggle. He rested against me, his chubby cheek pressed on my bare shoulder. Little hand pressed to my neck.

''Let's find your daddies and brother,'' I said, standing up with him, moving downstairs. All three were in the kitchen, Remus holding Canny in his arms, as Sirius was making pancakes. Canny gave a happy scream as he noticed me.

''There is your gorgeous mother,'' Remus said, turning to face us. Sirius gave me a wink as he noticed me. Rommy was still holding onto me.

''He was hungry,'' I said. 

''Well, every person in this house is hungry for your tits, darling,'' Sirius said. Making me tap his bottom, which he enjoyed. Canny liked walking around when he was in someone's arms, so Remus was walking in the kitchen to make the tiny boy happy. I stood next to Sirius, watching him cook. He would lean to peck my lips every once in a while, Rommy would pull his hair when his kiss lasted too long. He didn't mind his fathers' giving me love, but never liked the attention being off of him for too long. 

''Aren't you a jealous one,'' Sirius tutted at the toddler, pressing a kiss to his soft cheek. 

''All my men are pretty jealous,'' I said, as I felt Remus' presence behind me. His free arm found its way around my hips, resting dangerously close to my pussy. The full moon was in less than a week, and Remus was already showing the effects of it. Canny pushed his tiny body to rest against my back, still in his father's arms. All my men were both jealous and touchy. I turned in Remus's arms; Canny giggled as he saw me facing him, while Remus' hand moved to my bum, squeezing it. I kissed the boy in his arms, making him giggle, his soft dark curls jumping around. It didn't take Sirius to finish cooking, and all five of us moved outside to eat. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it. I have a general opinion of what I want this fic to go as but I am always open to new suggestions and additions.


End file.
